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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect a thank you

32 replies

Agent64 · 06/01/2013 14:46

DDs have had a friend staying for the past four days. Her mum came to collect her today. I wasn't expecting her to fall on her knees in gratitude, but is it unreasonable to expect a simple thank you, or thanks for having her?

OP posts:
loopylou6 · 06/01/2013 14:48

She really didn't even say thank you? Did she have a conversation with you?

FruOla · 06/01/2013 14:50

What did the mum do/say to you when she came to collect her DD(?).

Sirzy · 06/01/2013 14:51

How old is the child? Did SHE say thank you?

FruOla · 06/01/2013 14:51

Sorry, obviously her DD.

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 06/01/2013 14:51

How old is she (the child not the mother Grin)?

makinglemonade · 06/01/2013 14:51

YANBU
A simple thanks for having her would be nice

HecatePropolos · 06/01/2013 14:52

Bloody hell, not unreasonable at all. I'd think that the normal way things should go would be thanks for having her, general enquiry about behaviour, small joke about how you'll be looking forward to some peace and quiet and a mention about returning the favour.

Original poster
Agent64 · 06/01/2013 15:17

Her DD is 14.

Yes loopy there was a brief conversation about starting back at school etc.

It was when they were leaving that I expected a thank you. I was all set to say, no problem, you're welcome, but there was no need Confused

The DD didn't say thanks either Hmm

Just to be clear, it was no problem having her here, it all seemed to go well. I just appreciate a thank you.

OP posts:
MrsMelons · 06/01/2013 15:20

Extremely rude! Blimey my friends always say thank you when I have their DCs round for an hour or so (even if the parents stay with them). They also always say to the DCs 'what do you say to MrsMelons?' and the DCs always know the correct thing to say (they are between 4 and 6 BTW).

I would have thought it was the normal thing to encourage DCs to do so by the time they are 14 they would automatically say it - although it does not sound like the mum has any manners either!

Original poster
Agent64 · 06/01/2013 15:24

MrsMelons the mother doesn't come across as rude, except for the fact that she didn't say thank you, or prod her DD into saying it.

My DDs also picked up on the fact that there was no thank you.

Glad I'm not the only one who finds this a bit odd.

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HecatePropolos · 06/01/2013 15:26

Yes, I think that's very discourteous.

To be very very generous, maybe it's possible the mum prepped the daughter beforehand to make sure you say thank, make sure you're polite, make sure you help with the dishes, don't make a mess, etc etc and the daughter didn't, for some reason.

but I'd still, as the parent, thank you. But I know some people think that it would be ok for just the child to thank you. Maybe she's one.

MrsMelons · 06/01/2013 15:37

Sorry wasn't meaning to suggest she was rude but as you say its what she did that was rude. Some people just don't see manners as being something particularly high on their list and often don't prompt their DCs to say thank you even at a young age.

SirBoobAlot · 06/01/2013 15:40

Hugely rude. I'm always massively grateful for someone watching DS for a few hours, can't imagine not turning up without a small token (bottle of wine or similar) to say thank you after four days!

ssd · 06/01/2013 15:42

very very rude

but why was she staying 4 days ??? bit extreme,no?

BigGiantCowWithAKnockKnockTail · 06/01/2013 15:45

That's SO rude! Did she bring a present or anything? I'd have been packed off with chocolates, wine and flowers, said thank you for every little thing the whole time I was there and written a thank you letter on my return home!

Original poster
Agent64 · 06/01/2013 15:46

hi SirBoob, a thank you would have been enough, but when I thought about if it was the other way round then yes, I would have probably made some kind of token gesture - bunch of flowers, nice biscuits or somesuch.

It was quite funny, me standing on the doorstep waiting for the thank you bit and then it was, okay, see you then.

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Original poster
Agent64 · 06/01/2013 15:51

ssd they stay quite far away from us, in a rural area.

It was just the circumstances really, when I was in their neighbourhood and could pick her up and when her DM was going to come here. If her DM wasn't coming here to go shopping then we'd have met at a half-way point.

Her DD and my DDs don't get to see each other very often. It was a treat for them really.

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Original poster
Agent64 · 06/01/2013 15:52

BigGiant the DDs exchanged small Christmas presents.

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chocoluvva · 06/01/2013 15:58

Definitely bad manners to not say thankyou.

I don't care if this makes me sound like an old gimmer - but I swear saying thankyou is on its way out - which depresses me.

Normally on christmas day or boxing day I'd phone the ILs if they haven't phoned us first to wish them happy christmas and thank them for their presents. However this year we went to stay with them on 29th so I didn't phone as we'd be seeing them. Despite my thanking everybody for everything and making sure my teen DCs had too, almost no-one returned the thanks even when I noticed that my niece was wearing something we gave her and was glad she was using it - still not a word of thanks - from otherwise nice people. It's such a shame.

I'd be Xmas Shock if I was you. YANBU

MrsBungleBear · 06/01/2013 16:05

Yanbu. My 3yo dd has to say thank you for having me even to nursery staff each (I don't mean 'even' nursery staff! Just that she's there every day and I pay them to have her!).

If someone had my child for 4 days I'd be ensuring both me and her said thank you very much. How rude.

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 06/01/2013 16:19

I think when they get to 14, they should be saying 'thank you for having me' without prompting, but they are past the age where you say 'thank you for having her' and taking a present. It's not as though you were having her to benefit the mother or doing her a favour. You allowed your daughter to have her friend stay. It's quite a big difference.

I'm entirely sure I'm not explaining this very well and I cannot imagine a 14 year old of mine not saying 'Thank you for having me' - but unless it was a favour to me, I wouldn't say 'Thank you for having her' she's 14 and she's outgrown that kind of mummy-on-the-door-step type thanking surely?

Original poster
Agent64 · 06/01/2013 16:19

I don't care if this makes me sound like an old gimmer - but I swear saying thankyou is on its way out - which depresses me.

^ choco I've been thinking along the same lines, that's why I wondered if I really was being U to expect a thank you.

OP posts:
quirrelquarrel · 06/01/2013 16:20

You sure nothing happened during the trip that could possibly have offended them?

Original poster
Agent64 · 06/01/2013 16:22

I get what you're saying Chipping, but it would have been nice if someone had said thanks.

OP posts:
Original poster
Agent64 · 06/01/2013 16:24

quirrel the only one offended was me Grin

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