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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that if someone is off sick from work they should not fly to Oz

94 replies

Loveweekends10 · 06/01/2013 12:41

A colleague is off sick at the moment. She will be off for 6 months. She has written on Facebook that she is flying off to Oz for a holiday for a month during her absence.
AIBU to be a bit peed off by it.

OP posts:
AuntieMaggie · 06/01/2013 14:20

I hate this attitude... I was off work for a couple of months following a major operation and people were bitching about me because I went food shopping during this time and someone saw me in the city centre (where my fecking hospital is!!!) and hence I must have made it up and not been ill...

I've had episodes of anxiety due to this and other issues and my gp has also asked if I could afford to go away.

marriedinwhite · 06/01/2013 14:20

Actually as an HR manager I do think that if people cannot cope with the stress of their job; they need to think carefully about moving on. If there is no reasonable likelihood of them returning to work with reasonable adjustments which might involve redeployment to a lower graded position, then a dismissal would be regarded as fair. Contacts of employment require employees to be available for the work they are employed to do; if they are not, they are in breach of contract. It is not unusual for someone with cancer, if there is no likelihood of a reasonable return to be dismissed although this is unusual. Ultimately employees have to demonstrate their willingness to return if they are able and this usually involves co-operating with an organisation.

Not to say I haven't extended sick pay for staff with cancer and keept some staff on the payroll so they can die in service if this is beneficial. Seriously ill employees can be recommended for ill health retirement.

I try to look after the genuine cases and this means being quite ruthless with the piss takers because there is a finite barrel of funds and ultimately if people can be at work, they shoulkd be at work. If they can't do the work they need to face up to it and leave instead of playing the sick card and the grievance card. Failure to do a job is rarely because of the shortcomings of others.

namechangerforaday · 06/01/2013 14:20

mind your own business, i have been off sick for a year, and I have been all over the place in a sad ~(and pointless) attempt to provide some normality for my children.

I have no doubt my colleagues are gossiping but I can assure you - they wouldn't want what has happened to us to happen to them in a million billion years.

If they knew what has happened they wouldn't begrudge anything.

Loveweekends10 · 06/01/2013 14:22

I think there is a bit off difference between food shopping and posting all over Facebook your itinerary for your forthcoming round the world trip when you know your colleagues are all putting in extra hours to cover.

OP posts:
LoopsInHoops · 06/01/2013 14:22

Well, firstly, unfriend her from facebook. You are no friend to her.

Then, get on with your life. You might feel a little better if you shrug off some of this bitterness and do something positive. :)

moisturiser · 06/01/2013 14:23

name change I'm sorry your time away didn't help as much as you hoped it might.

I hope in time you will look back and find some good memories in amongst everything.

kinkyfuckery · 06/01/2013 14:25

Why does the drip feeding always start when people don't agree?

Viviennemary · 06/01/2013 14:26

I totally agree with marriedinwhite. When I was at work a colleague had cancer and in the end she was required to return to work or leave and everyone agreed when our boss tried every way round it to help.

But swanning off to Australia and posting on Facebook. That is a different thing altogether.

KeemaNaanAndCurryOn · 06/01/2013 14:27

So its now moved on from a trip to Auz to a round the world trip with itinerary.

Unless you've been privvy to her discussions with her GP or other HC professionals, you really don't have all of the facts and are making judgements based on your own bitterness.

I do understand why it may grate, but YABTU.

LoopsInHoops · 06/01/2013 14:27

Personal anecdote - doesn't add to the thread much, but for perspective. I was off work for 3 months longer than my maternity leave after my daughter died. A week after her death I had someone from finance texting me repeatedly because I had forgotten to pay an 8pound personal stationery request. Work people can be odd and blinkered at times.

CuddlyBlanket · 06/01/2013 14:38

I think you sound bitter and jealous of this lady. I think you are angry at her for a failing of your manager.

People can be very nasty and ignorant about the health of others.

Try and find some happiness in your life OP or visit your GP and explain you are stressed by work and feeling unhappy depressed in your life to the point you are jealous of an ill person.

landofsoapandglory · 06/01/2013 14:49

It doesn't matter to you if she is in Australia or at home, she will still be off work. Your bosses shouldn't be relying on you to do her work, it's not her fault, you should take it up with them!

I was off sick for almost 6 months. We decided to go on holiday. I checked with my manager who said it was ok so we went on a last minute deal. When I got back, my manager tried to give me a warning because colleagues had complained. It got quite messy, she had to back down after I took legal advice.

MrsHoarder · 06/01/2013 14:53

Not that far, but when I had 6 weeks of sick leave I got snarky comments about the sun tan I came back with. Because its totally unacceptable to drag yourself out into the garden to lie in the sunshine (after someone else had lifted the sun lounger out because I couldn't manage it) after a stop in hospital.

Don't judge unless you know for sure that the problem is going to be worsened by travelling then don't comment.

piprabbit · 06/01/2013 15:02

She has been signed off and someone needs to do her work. Your employers are arses and have failed to plan the redistribution of her workload effectively.

Will it improve your life in anyway if she sits at home? No.

So you can choose to feel all bitter and twisted, or you can choose to stop looking at her FB and get on with speaking to a manager who can actually help you improve things by addressing the workload issue.

Loquace · 06/01/2013 15:31

You can be signed off for anything from 7 days upwards

Well I sort of guessed that it wasn't a six months minimum.

if the illness is anxiety related, then being re-assessed every 2 weeks isn't going to help as much as knowing you're off the hook work wise to just concentrate on getting well for a few months - that's gonna help people get well isn't it? instead of yo-yoing in and out and in and out of work! and easier for the employer to plan for too?

But surely there is a middle ground between two weeks and six months? Stress, anxiety and depression are not all that easy to predict in terms of response to treatment, side effects etc. None of the fleet of docs who cared for MIL were ever able or willing to predict how long we were going to have to wait things out even with an extensive medical history of similar episodes as an aid. Perhaps British docs are just better at working out how long things will take ?

But....if a person DOES respond quite well to treatment in a shorter timeframe than predicted and could go back to work earlier than originally stated by the doc, surely there is the risk that people will still take the entire timeframe set out for them even if not required in reality. I cannot be the only person in the universe with a bit of a skivvy gene. If you gave me six months I wouldn't be telling you I was better in three or four even if I was. I would most likely be exaggerating any residual symtoms to myself (for the sake of not feeling guilty), which probably would hamper my progress in getting fully better. (NB I also have a bit of a drama queen gene, so could think myself ill enough not to go back to work quite easily).

Doctors don't make this stuff up

Err, well, actually they do sometimes. But I can believe that in the UK it isn't the issue it can be in other places. I went to the doc (in England) with a rampant chest infection needing a sick note in 1988 and the bastard wouldn't give me one even though I looked like something the cat had just dragged up from hell, via a bush. The unfeeling stiff upper lip obsessed git. All I bleeding wanted was a few extra days off. Whereas here in Italy (before The Clamp Down) I just coughed gently in the quack's direction while hankering after antibiotics for my upset tonsils, and bam, 2 weeks off without me even asking for it. Had to go to work anyway becuase have a bastard unfeeling boss (self).

Work and being paid for it involves a willingness to be available for it. 6 month sign offa for stress/depression are extremEly unusual and even cancer patients are usually only signed off for more than three months at a time in exceptional circs. Sounds odd to me and I would be following it uup with a consultation meeting as the HOUR mgr here and I doubt our ohP would recommend a trip on full pay to Aus without a great deal of info.

Ok that makes more sense to me as the normal scheme of things than six months sign off without review and no expectation of being avalible, or even in the country.

Reading this thread I think living in Italy has left me deeply cynical. The piss takers were so numerous and the abuse so widespread and well documented that keeping an open mind was like cutting your head open and letting your brain flop on the floor. I am now going to boast to DH about the UKs sick pay system and how national character and "proper" doctors eliminate the risk of abuse.

I feel sorry for the people who are actually sick in Italy, at this point you would have to actually half bleed to death in front of your colleques/friends/aquantences to be believed that you are not making it up if you got signed off work. And they are trapped in the house for most of the day in case the random check up happens. It has curtailed the massive army of pisstakers, but not made things easy at all for the genuinely ill.

ilovesooty · 06/01/2013 15:33

She has been signed off and someone needs to do her work. Your employers are arses and have failed to plan the redistribution of her workload effectively

Agreed. Since her employers have failed to look after the welfare of their remaining employees it's not beyond the bounds of possibility that the woman is off with work related stress.

I think you should mind your own business and sort out your welfare and workload with a manager.

I don't think it was very diplomatic of her to put her holiday plans on FB though.

CheeseStrawWars · 06/01/2013 15:41

You don't sound like her friend. Perhaps you shouldn't be "friends" on Facebook?

Loquace · 06/01/2013 15:45

You don't sound like her friend. Perhaps you shouldn't be "friends" on Facebook?

I think if most people used actual freindship as the basis for "freinding" somebody on facebook then most people would have a friend count in the single figures and facebook would have fizzled out years ago cos you would know what your mates were up to anyway cos you...saw them and talked to them.

I am not saying that would have been a bad thing. This social media stuff seems to cause more problems than it's worth.

Booyhoo · 06/01/2013 15:46

ooh some very bitter people on this thread. let it go. your bitterness wont make your workload lighter and it wont affect her in any way. she'll still have a great holiday whetehr you are sulking about it or not. the only person it's getting to is you. why do that to yourself? odd. Confused

scuzy · 06/01/2013 16:01

your work load increasing is not her problem ... take it up with your employer.

her reason for being out sick unless she tells you is none of her business.

what she does while out sick in none of your business.

you sound jealous and bitter. so get off your cross, use the wood, build a bridge and get over it.

mrsjay · 06/01/2013 16:17

yabu you dont know what is wrong with her perhaps their holiday will help then recupirate ,

ginmakesitallok · 06/01/2013 17:37

If your employer has crap sickness absence policies it's not your colleagues fault. If your employer believes that she is well enough to be at work then (irrespective of GP note) they should refer her to occupational health services and sort it out.

CabbageLeaves · 06/01/2013 17:50

YANBU to be peed off at all. She's enjoying a lovely holiday whilst you work your nuts off.

I have a colleague who's sickness record is extensive. It's muddled by genuine sickness but she has also reached the point where she views work as an optional extra. Meanwhile the service to patients suffers, her colleagues struggle and staff morale is dipping.

Absence is mostly genuine but consequence and affect on workplace is also genuine.

She went on holiday during sick leave recently and was due back the following week. Came back for one day before leaving because the travelling and precipitated a relapse... Am I sympathetic? I'm struggling to continue to be

As married said she has a duty to be available for work. Another colleague has a similar illness (worse if anything) but totally different attitude. She strives to be at work. Original employee has an attitude of you're lucky if I turn in at all.

Nancy66 · 06/01/2013 18:13

is it still possible in the public sector to have six months off, return to work for a couple of weeks and then get signed off for another six?

Oodhousekeeping · 06/01/2013 18:26

In my bit it's possible but sick pay is over the year and dependant on long service. Think longest is 3m full/3m half then SSP.
I'm currently signed off with 4 weekly reviews despite it being known I wont be back before maternity leave.