AIBU to not want to be my DH's life coach?

[ThatsNotMySock]

It's my 1st time posting here, so a bit nervous. Hello!

Been married 8 years, have a DS who has just turned 4, and a DD who is nearly 2. DS is a complete chatterbox, talks & asks question from the second he wakes up to the second he goes to sleep DD is going through a clingy phase and will grab my legs and shout if I try to leave the room. I promise this is relevant info!

DH is an amazing husband, is lovely, kind, funny, great dad, helps with housework, works hard etc.. but lately he's seemed really dependant on me, or at least my opinion. I know this sounds like a strange thing to complain about, and I feel like I'm being a bit of a bitch for this winding me up

This morning, for eg, in the space between waking up and leaving for work (about an hour) he had asked me in quick succession, "What's the weather like?" (completely normal question, I hadn't been outside so told him to stick his head out of the window to check) followed by (and here's the problematic bit) "Do you think it's cold? Should I wear an extra jumper? Is my black coat better, or the grey one?" etc etc. then "I feel ill. When I do x it feels y and z. Do you think I should take some medicine? Which medicine is best? What do you think? Where should I buy it? Is it expensive?"

Now all this sounds really innocent, but on his day off it's pretty constant. "I hate my job. Should I change my job? What should I do? What should I have done about that meeting? What can I do about that phone call I have to make? Do you think my colleagues are pissed off with me? How can I study for my exam? Will you help me? I can't do it, can I. What would you do?!" Or, "Did you hear that story on the news? Why would that happen? Does that usually happen? Where did it happen" I don't know if I'm explaining, it very well, but it's not like discussing things, it feels like he wants my opinion on everything he says or does or might do in the future, and I don't know why but it's exhausting!

Am I being a selfish bitch? I really love it that he values my opinions, and believes I have the brains and energy to help him, but after a day of being talked at and questioned by a very talkative DS, followed around and clung to by DD, then hit with a barrage of questions and problems I have to solve, I just want to hide and cry and shout there's not enough of me to go around!

He really is lovely, so I feel terrible for feeling like this. I do love talking to him in general, it's just being followed around when I'm busy and asked loads of questions that is making me a bit twitchy. Oh, and he's started calling me "Mummy", it is freaking me out!

I am strangely glad it's not just me then!

I might just adopt a set phrase, might go for "I'm not sure, but you are incredibly intelligent and I completely trust your opinion, so I'm sure you can decide by yourself." or somesuch bollocks. Might boost his confidence or irritate him to the point of not asking!

Just realised the other way I end up "mothering" him - he cannot get up in the morning. I have to rush between getting the kids ready, dashing up to shake him awake, dashing down to sort out the kids, back up, repeat 20 times before him waking up. It's ridiculous! I've told him I don't have the time or the patience, he's a grown man so he can wake up by himself. Then didn't wake him up (he has his own alarm clock, just ignores it) which resulted in him nearly being late for work a few times. The last few days he's been getting himself up, so that seems to have worked.

I feel conflicted, because I want to support him, but I can't support everything Thanks for all the advice, I'll try to have a proper talk this week and see if we can get to the bottom of things a bit better.

I'm a coach. Frequent phrases in response to decision questions include "what do you think?" and "how would you start to find out the answer to that?". If the answer is "I don't know", I sometimes say "if you did know, what would you do?". Infuriating, often sometimes, but it's about creating the wherewithal in someone to answer their own questions, rather than constantly supplying the answers.

I recently read "how to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk" (as recommended on here). The techniques, whilst aimed at children, are somewhat similar, and can be used on adults too.

Just read about getting him up in the morning. You're giving him the resources to get up by not getting him up, ie letting him deal with the consequences of not getting up, so it becomes in his interests to get up. And yes, you can feel like a cold hard woman but you don't need an extra child in the house. Well done.

I think you should just do the right thing, for example:

Q: Is my black coat better, or the grey one?
A: The black one, much more in at the moment

Q: I hate my job. Should I change my job?
A: Whatever the right answer is [+ make him a sandwich]

Q: Do you think my colleagues are pissed off with me?
A: No, I bet they love all the questions

Q: How can I study for my exam?
A: By reading the material

Q: Will you help me?
A: Sure [produce a sandwich]

Q: I can't do it, can I?
A: Of course you can, you're brilliant, that's why I married you [offer him a sandwich]

Q: Did you hear that story on the news? Why would that happen?
A: Because sometime there are naughty people in the world who want to do naughty things.

Q: Do you think I should take some medicine?
A: Yes

Q: Which medicine is best?
A: Shut up medicine