to be fuming on behalf of DD

[shallweshop]

My 7 year old DD belongs to local swimming club which recently held an in-house championships. Last night was the presentation of certificates/trophies etc and, although i didn't expect DD to win anything, I talked her into going along to support the club.

As the presentations unfolded, it was clear that far more awards were being given out than I had expected with a medal given for every child who had come 1st to 4th. One child was even given a trophy for coming first in a race where they were the only contender! At the end of the ceremony, a small minority, including DD, left completely empty-handed. She is v. disappointed and I feel quite upset for her - she's the only one of her friends to not receive anything.

Its not sour grapes, I am very much in favour of healthy competition and having winners/losers but surely there should be a small proportion of winners who provide inspiration for the rest. When so many awards are made, I think the purpose is defeated leaving only a very dispirited minority.

Not sure on this one tbh.

YABU, but I can kind of understand your point, I assume you're either suggesting less awards, or awards for everyone? Maybe all the others who weren't getting awards didn't go?

You knew she wasn't getting an award, so don't be "fuming" that she didn't! I'm not sure what you were expecting really!

"One child was even given a trophy for coming first in a race where they were the only contender! "

Now that is a bit ridiculous.

There was a story in our local paper once about a village show where only one person had entered the lemon curd competition but the judges only gave the lady second prize because they felt the lemon curd wasn't quite up to first prize standard!

I agree with you shallweshop. Winners should be in the minority. Makes the medals worth having for a start!

I entered a chess tournament once, and was the only participant in my age group and was given a trophy! It's not really fair on the child that no one else competed against them, they entered (and probably paid the entrance fee) fair and square. I was put in with an older category, but had no chance of winning!

The trophies were probably made pre-tournament anyway so they may aswell give them out!

I agree with you. It makes the prizes worthless if everyone gets them, and gives the non winners very little to aspire too. The winners should definitely be in the small minority, otherwise they haven't actually achieved anything special, and it's unfair on on the others.

Margey, I wasn't expecting her to get an award but nor was I expecting a lot of the others who did get one to be given one either and for her to be one of only a handful to not receive.

Margery. The club knew which kids were entering which race before the competition so they knew only one child was eligible.

One of my proudest achievements is having been given second place as the sole entrant in the egg salad competition at a local show. The judges' card said that my cucumber slices were too thick

I think an award for a category with only one competitor is fine, the alternative is to not run the race at all which seems a little unfair on the lone competitor. It's not their fault there's nobody in the same age group swimming the same distance or whatever.

1st to 4th seems a little over the top presuming there were max 6 competitors per race?

Sorry, to make it clear, the kids didn't enter themselves, the club entered them.

whatever people say on here, fact is your daughter didn't get an award and that's the end of it. I don't see how over thinking it will help in this situation? AIBU is great if you think you need to apologize, or if you want to act differently in the future. But in this situation, what's done is done. Teach your daughter to be a gracious loser and move on. Obsessing and getting annoyed about it won't help the situation!

I think they could have easily have given out a certificateto the others for great commitment to training or trying hard

YANBU

DS is also a member of a club that held a similar competition not too long ago.
They decided to award the 1st to 4th place winners and the 5th as a runner up, but since there was only 6 or 7 children in each competition it meant that there was only one or two kids that were left out.

They had 12 competitions and after all of the awards for each, plus several for silly things like ?most enthusiasm? and ?most dedicated? ?best technique? and the best at individual moves. It ended up that there was some children that had whole collections of medals and trophies and only 4 children out of the entire group (made up of 5 separate classes) that didn?t have anything. I felt very bad for them and one little girl was inconsolable, it was so unfair.

Next time I will re consider letting DS participate in that kind of competition.

"One child was even given a trophy for coming first in a race where they were the only contender

well it's not their fault there were no other entrants.

At quite a few of the swim meets my kids used to attend it was common to award 1st to 6th.

At club championships, where the members are swimming just against members of their own club, it was common to encourage swimmers to enter every event then tot up the points and award overall 1st, 2nd and 3rd in each age group. Prizes were not award for every event but place ribbons might have been given for places 1-6. If very young children took part but did not place they would get a 'I took part in the 50m ...' and a certificate with their time on it. The ribbons cost the club about 10p each and the certificates cost the price of the ink and the paper.

I think 1st to 4th is excessive. 1st to 3rd is right for medals.

I don't think it is fair for a very small minority not to get something but I fully agree with proper competition for children and awarding the winners as it is a great inspiration for others.

YABU.

Last year during end of year presentation evening at dd's school (which is a private school, and the end of year thing is very showy full of pushy parents openly competing for the dc to get prizes/awards and their dc are equally competitive ), my dd2, age 5, was one of the children who had to sit through 2 hours of other children being presented with awards, including her sister, all of her three cousins, and her close circle of friends, without actually getting anything herself, which was tough for her, and for me to watch her holding back her tears. However, I told her that this is life and we don't always get something, we may in future, we may not, but we continue to work hard for the sake of working hard, and I reminded her of all the brilliant things she had accomplished over the year . It's a valuable lesson for all children and needs to be learnt at some point. The earlier the better IMHO.

Tbh when I started to read your post I thought you were in for an earbashing and it was going to be a 'my child didn't win she'll be traumed for life boohoo type thing'. BUT I think you have a valid point, if there is going to be a competitive spirit to these awards they should be worth something - for an above average achievement not for a sliding scale down to mediocre, otherwise it does single out the few at the bottom. Surely the point is to reward and inspire not dishearten. Don't like this thing at all, I'd be miffed too - give to the very best, not at all, or everyone but send a clear message.

I don't think there's much point fuming about it, help your child move on and stay motivated.

The club hasn't got the balance right between rewarding achievement and encouraging participation though. At my daughter's club (different sport) the club champs are decided by totting up the points over three events. Every child receives a medal bearing their name and their point score (a big job for the volunteer coaches with 150+ taking part), so everyone gets to go up on stage (this year, to shake hands with the club's first ever Olympian).

The top three in each age/gender group receive trophies. There are also awards for overall achievement over the year, plus trophies for progress and commitment to training. Everybody gets something, as I said, but with quite a big membership, winning a trophy is still quite an achievement.

Thanks all. I agree with those who say there's no point in fuming but it's easier said than done and the reason I posted here was to let off steam and get some feedback. Yes I know it's not going to change things but I do feel better for getting it off my chest - isn't that what the forum is for?

Hellhasnofury - I like that system, seems v fair - might suggest it for the future.

Zeno - that made me laugh, thanks.

The ribbons used to be available from www.swimshop.co.uk.

Just checked, they're here

Thanks hells. X

I think as long as there were a few, I don't mind, and I think it does help teach the children in the long run.

Dd2 does a gym club. They have a championship once a year. The first year dd2 entered, in the youngest category there were 5 entrants (in both the boys and girls). 3 disciplines, so 9 medals in total.
The leader gave a talk at the start explaining it was done entirely by merit, it wasn't a everyone gets a medal/as many as possible get a medal, which I agree entirely with.

However in the youngest category (for both boys and girls) 3 of the children were 1/2/3 (in different orders) for all the disciplines. One of the others was joint 3rd on one. That meant one child without a medal. The girl didn't notice, but the boy was sitting there whispering "when is it my turn?" to himself.
I felt in that situation, with it being the tinies as well, they could have bought a few of the "winner" medal cheap ones and given them to the other two. Would have been nice. They give them all a certificate, but it's not the same as a medal.

However, although that year dd2 was in the big winners, the next year she got one, since then (she has sn and the gap is widening) she hasn't got anything. However to my surprise she still wants to enter, knowing she won't win, and enjoys the competition for it's own sake. Which, tbh, is a great lesson to learn.