DD gives up all the time

[bohomoon]

My DD is 8 years old, she has some traces of dyslexia but never tries hard, gives up and always has a 'can't be bothered' attitude to everything. I have tried so hard to get her motivated, I literally forced her to take part in a dance club so that she can perform in front of the whole school. She was happy and proud in the end, but before that she would cry and scream about attending the club after school. I enrolled her in karate because her cousin does this, she always moans and complains about attending it. Please don't think I'm a pushy mum, I've only started to 'forcefully encourage' her with 'tough love.' Prior to this she wouldn't do anything but watch TV- thats the only thing she is passionate about!
Her writing, reading and numeracy is all very weak because she doesn't try, when I try and sit with her she makes excuses 'I'm hungry,' 'I want the loo,' 'my tummy hurts.' I work full time as a Teacher Assistant and am thinking about homeschooling because my other DD and DS (dont want to get into that!) I have tried targets, reward charts but everything falls apart within a week. Help!

difficult!
part of me screams 'get off her case!' but you can't do that because you're her mum and who else is going to care enough to make her suffer long enough to achieve?
so, next step - why is she so negative about work/activities, and why does she make excuses?
it must be hard and it must be unpleasant. it must be threatening. she must have learned already that she isn't going to do well at this and she won't lose face so much if she tries to look like she doesn't care.
and she's only eight.
you need to read john holt, 'how children fail' and 'how children learn'. and lots of other stuff. but start there.
think about your priorities. reading? you have to find a way to take the pain out of it.
get her to identify her favourite television programmes. make them sacrosanct - no teaching involved, ever. sometimes watch them with her, but only if she wants you to. she might like to keep them private.
get her to tell you one television programme she'd like to do some reading and numeracy work about. watch it together. look for things you can link in. there might be books about the characters - if not, make them. you know the kind of thing.
but all the time, work on taking away your baby's suffering. she's already found that this isn't comfortable. make sure that everything she does is something she can succeed in, and give her genuine praise and hugs.
good luck.

It sounds like she is lacking in confidence. Does she have many friends? What do they like doing together? Does she get a lot of praise when she does things well?

Could you let her choose her own hobby to do rather than force her into one she might not be interested in? Does she really love TV or just watch it passively? If the former, Is there a hobby related to a TV show she likes? How about a course or experience day on how TV programmes are made? Could she make her own programme with your camcorder/ videophone?

Thank you so much for your swift response. Initially I didn't push her and thought things will get there with time, let her mature. This was the attitude at school 'Oh she'll get there' la la la. And now being in year 4 she's in set 4 for literacy and numeracy. She is bright and articulate and has many friends with lots of bright confident girls. She is shy and your right lacks confidence.
She loves the 'Fairy Magic' books, but when I ask her to read a page to me she withdraws, but when she does she makes really basic mistakes. I try and encourage her to ask me or her dad to help her with words she gets wrong. Sometimes I wonder if she gets book out just for show (yikes) and doesnt really read them.
She watches TV with great zeal and we have been through a list of hobbies which she chose: horse-riding (only lasted 3 months) swimming (forced her with DH really pushing this time- but result she is now keen swimmer) cycling (only now can ride a two wheeler.) The pattern here is unless we force her to do something she won't.
You are right I need to work on her confidence, and I'll focus on one area at a time. Please keep the messages coming, many thanks

why not use what she is interested in?

so she likes TV?
get her to make a little tv show or film.

write a script/ idea
cast parts (you and siblings)
film it
write a review of it
design a poster advertising it?

just as a way in?

Are you sure she's not, well, not as bright as you think she is? You're her mother, you're bound to think she's wonderful, and I'm sure she is, but not everyone can be in the top set for everything. Maybe what she acheives is the best she can, and she's upset because you make your disappointment obvious so she feels llike she's let you down somehow and pretends disinterest/tummy ache/needing the loo to escape iyswim.
And then as well as feeling like she's a disappointment academically, you force her to take up activities (which she may well loathe) and make her go, again, so she makes herself do things she hates, just to somehow win your approval and that of her father.
Do you constantly compare her to her siblings too?
You say "she enjoys XYZ in the end after we force her" but maybe she just learns that by accepting the inevitable, and pretending, you and daddy will love her?

Deep down I wonder if she is really not so bright. Which is why I am planning on Homeschooling to help her. We don't compare because younger DD is only in Reception and DS is Nursery- and we wouldn't compare to be honest.
I can't let her carry on being in the bottom sets, and I don't think she is particullary wonderfully accademically at all. I love her to bits, and want the best for her thats all.

Ofcourse you want the best for her, but perhaps she needs to find her own hobbies and interests and passions. Lack of confidence won't be "cured" by homeschooling I think...perhaps it will make her more of an introvert rather than to open up and be more ambitious.

Could you have another chat with her school? Or perhaps consider changing to a different one? What about Girl Scouts or some other club, perhaps horse riding or an art class?

Actually home-educating has a strong association with self-confidence relative to schooled peers! Why don't you link up with other home-educators in your area and have a chat about these issues? There's a wealth of experience and knowledge out there you can draw upon.

I dont think homeschooling would be the answer at all and I do agree with PomBear.

WEll if she is dyslexic, then she probably will lack confidence & everything wil be that much harder due to the dyslexia.

But if she won´t "perform" for you-how would home schooling work?

You do sound pushy tbh.

My son is almost 17, struggled with school from day one, & finally, after leaving school & doing a course of his choosing, he´s applying himself.

He´s a clever lad-just not academic!