To think don't have children and then moan non stop about it

[shebird]

We have some friends with 2 DCs both planned and longed for. Both DCs are happy, healthy and well behaved also pretty good sleepers (as much as you can expect young kids to be). All they do is moan about their children, how hard life is and how they can't do what they used to do. The mum is always needing a break and her poor DH is exhausted trying to work and help out, giving her lots of time to herself and is very hands on. She does not have PND and seems very together but never happy with what she's got.

I sympathise with them to a point I'm prone to a moan and whine myself but with these parents it's non stop. They just never have a positive thing to say and seem to think they have it so bad. It just makes me wonder why they decided to have kids in the first place, not once but twice!

Well, I'd say maybe you don't know the full story. I have two much wanted and loved dc's, only work PT and have a very hands on DH. But I find it bloody bloody hard. I don't have great sleepers and both are challenging in their own adorable way! I have had PND, but only a handful of people know that, some close friends have no idea, and many people comment on how easy we seem to find it. They have NO idea how we are behind closed doors. I'll def have days when I whine and moan about how hard I find it. I'll also have had occasions when I've bemoaned how much life has changed - we were big travellers/ giggers / social animals before. Although I would not be without my Dc for anything, I really really grieve for my old life at times.

So maybe there is more under the surface that you don't know about? Maybe try and dig a little deeper next time she moans to see why she finds it such a challenge. Having a nice house etc doesn't mean that life is wonderful. And not working may be harder than having a few days away to be "you". No way could I cope with being a SAHM.

Are you absolutely sure they're not finding it really hard and need support?
Becoming a mum in 2010 hit me like a ton of bricks. I had PND (not that anyone would've known it at the time).
I had DC2 in Sept and in a bid to stave off the PND, I confide in my friends as much as I can. I try to be honest about how tough I'm finding it because it helps me to ask for help when I need it.

My DH has suffered with depression for years and also needs to offload in this way.

Ooh, maybe we are your friends?!!

And no matter how many times DH tells me how lucky i am- no money worries, supportive DH and healthy DC's, it doesn't make it easier. In fact it can make md feel worse as I feel I have no reason to feel the way I feel, but logic doesn't necessary come into it

Notengo says it better than me and we have similar experiences by the sounds of it.

(Right down to the two non sleepers - little buggers!!)

EMS23 As I said before I give what support I can as I do I all my friends. I dont think you are my friend . They also have lots of family support and I can honestly say they have more support than most parents do. I just feel sad for their DCs being made to feel bad cause mummy can't go to gym :(

I'm definitely not your friend then... My arse hasn't seen the inside of a gym in years!!

They just like to moan. Just smile and nod.