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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can't make my sister's birthday - sister and mum upset with me/not talking to me

26 replies

bengal38 · 05/01/2013 12:47

My younger sister and me share the same birthday. Tomorrow night we are all going out with my older sister, mum, dad and my younger sister and her boyfriend to have an Indian. My mum told me that this is for both of our birthdays.

This morning my younger sister phoned me and told me that on the 19th of Jan she is having a party with her friends and for me to go as well. My older sister is going. I told her that I would let her know.

My husband is working a late shift on this date and my MIL has been invited out to eat on this date so can not look after the kids for me. (My kids are DS12 and DD9 so too young to be left on their own at night).

My older sister phoned and asked me if I was going to the party on the 19th and I told her I couldn't go as my husband was working late and MIL wasn't available on this date. She told me that I should make an effort as it is our sister's birthday and I told her that the main party was tomorrow as it is both of our birthdays on Tuesday.

I then phoned up my younger sister to explain to her I couldn't make the party on the 19th and my mum told me that she was on the phone to my older sister so my mum asked me if I wanted to leave her a message so I explained to my mum the situation of the 19th of January.

My mum started to get upset with me and shouted at me and then said to me "if you don't want to come then don't go". She then put the phone down on me.

Should I ring up my younger sister to explain or pull her aside tomorrow night and explain to her the situation? As I said tomorrow night is the main party for both of us.

OP posts:
ceebie · 05/01/2013 12:49

Why can't you get a babysitter?

Nixea · 05/01/2013 12:51

It all sounds a bit childish to me. You're already going to be celebrating with her at the meal so it's not like you're not going to see her at all.

YANBU and your mum/sis need to find a grip, sorry.

Kt8791 · 05/01/2013 12:52

How old is you younger sister? If u can't get someone to babysit, u can,t go? Your dm was very ur to hang up on u.

Original poster
bengal38 · 05/01/2013 12:52

We only trust family to look after our kids. My mum is looking after my sister's kids and my dad is going out with a family friend on that night. My mum doesn't like looking after all the kids together.

OP posts:
Kt8791 · 05/01/2013 12:52

Btw YANBU.

Ragwort · 05/01/2013 12:53

Do you actually want to go to the party?

Your family all sound a bit juvenile, putting phones down on each other, shouting etc. and surely most close families would discuss a date before planning a party (if they expect other family members to come).

If you really want to go I am sure there are ways round it, ie: can the DC go to sleepovers with friends, can you pay a sitter ......... however if you really don't want to go I would just stand firm.

Backtobedlam · 05/01/2013 12:55

Is it a special birthday for your younger sister? If not I really can't see what all the fuss is about, and if it is she should have given more notice. Could you go for a few hours early on with the children?

Original poster
bengal38 · 05/01/2013 12:56

It is not that I don't want to go Ragwort I genuinely can't find no-one to look after the kids. I don't have many friends whom I would leave the kids overnight with anyway. I have 2 close friends - and they have their own plans on Saturday nights. Also we don't want to hire a babysitter and pay for her to look after kids in our own house as we don't trust them.

OP posts:
cansu · 05/01/2013 12:58

They sound unhinged. If you can't get a babysitter then you can't go. End of. I would honestly not start trying to justify yourself to your sisters. Just repeat factually in calm regretful tone and then change subject. Ignore any hysterical crap. Tbh their reaction would put me off attending anyway.

Original poster
bengal38 · 05/01/2013 12:58

It isn't a special birthday my sister is going to be 25 years old and I will be 39 years old on Tuesday. My younger sister said to me that the 19th is a separate party with her friends and if I could make it to let her know. I am seeing her tomorrow night as we are going to the Indian restaurant. Plus it is my birthday as well

OP posts:
Booblesonthetree · 05/01/2013 12:59

Wll if your Mum isn't going to help you out by having your DC's as well, just for this one time so you can go to the party SHE is insisting that you go to then she's the one being unreasonable!

BackforGood · 05/01/2013 13:00

YOu've lots of options, as the dc are older, but, if you choose not to use any of them, then that is your decision, and nothing really to do with your Mum or your sister, who, quite frankly sounds rather childish with her interfering and phone slamming Hmm

Booblesonthetree · 05/01/2013 13:00

Just seen your last post. It sounds like your sister would like you to come but isn't going to throw a hissy fit if you can't. I'd just explain to her face to face and let everyone else get on with it...
YANBU

LoopsInHoops · 05/01/2013 13:05

Yeah, your mum and older sister sound OTT but then, so do you with regard to the 'only family can be trusted' thing. (unless there's a backstory, in which case I apologise)

Original poster
bengal38 · 05/01/2013 13:11

To LoopsInHoops
Reason why me/husband only trust family is because the when we had a babysitter for the children she turned up and left kids on their own. After this incident we only trust family

OP posts:
Backtobedlam · 05/01/2013 13:15

YANBU then...I thought maybe it was your sisters 18th or 21st. If she just said to let her know, it sounds quite casual, it's your mum making it into an issue, and then not helping out with childcare! I can understand you not wanting to ask others to babysit, and as a parent that's your prerogative.

pigletmania · 05/01/2013 13:19

Well if they are desperate for you to go why can't your mum have the kids? They should be willing to help you out if they want you there! If yu can't find anyone to look after your chidren you can't go, do tey expectypu to leave them home alone!

fairylightsandtinsel · 05/01/2013 13:22

how on earth can you bear dealing with this kind of teenage crap when you are 39?? Its straightforward, DH is working, you can't go. Its not about making an effort. You COULD take them with you (if they're invited) and go for the early part, as they are not babies but if that is not possible or desirable, then that's it. What can your mum possibly be thinking of? It all sounds very Eastenders somehow - making a drama over nothing, I mean.

Original poster
bengal38 · 05/01/2013 13:25

To fairylightsandtinsel
I am actually sitting here laughing (in a good way) at the Eastenders bit you put in
Thanks for cheering me up

OP posts:
SantasENormaSnob · 05/01/2013 16:06

Tell them to fuck of.

They are pathetic.

McNewPants2013 · 05/01/2013 16:10

I would say I can come but only if the DC can come and stay up stairs until DH finish work/ get a taxi home

DeafLeopard · 05/01/2013 16:10

So it's ok for your Mum not to come as she is babysitting; it is ok for your Dad not to come as he is going out with someone else, but it is not ok for you to stay home and look after your children??? Your family are hilarious.

Be childish back - "Its not my fault that you love x sister more than me and are looking after her kids and not mine, it's not fair, waaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh" storm upstairs, slam door put on loud music.

verytellytubby · 05/01/2013 16:16

What Deafleopard said!

thebody · 05/01/2013 16:22

Your mum and older sister are acting like brats. How strange.

I wouldn't be talking to anyone who put the phone down on me without an apology first so I hope your dm will give you one at your birthday dinner.

Tbh I wouldn't be going without one first.

What a load of drama queens.

diddl · 05/01/2013 16:32

If you´re mum is so desperate for you to go she can look after your children, can´t she?

Do you even want to go to the party??