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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that a password on phone isn't always a red flag? Or am I beings naive?

54 replies

Wishfulmakeupping · 04/01/2013 15:08

Read various threads where the red flag has been phone behaviour- do you think this is always a cause for concern?
My OH has a password on his phone which I have questioned him about in the past- he says it's in case it's stolen or in case a friend tries to do a status in his fb or twitter. Aside from this I doubt very much he has been unfaithful we are together most of the time, he has never given me any reason to doubt him- and when women have tried it on with him he has been honest.
Should I be worried on the sole basis on phone behaviour he has password, and does take phone everywhere with him (he says for work reasons) and does have a tendency to hover if your on his phone but on the other hand I have no other reason to be suspicious of him. He has also told me the password he uses and says at any point I can check his phone - although he has said he'd be disappointed if I did as it would look like I didn't trust him.
Is there any need for me to be worried about this or not? Most people I know have password on phone but mumsnet threads are getting me worried!

OP posts:
Smellslikecatspee · 04/01/2013 15:23

I think on a lot of the relationship threads the password protected phone is sometimes just the final piece of the jigsaw.

To me its common sense to have a password,a s above to stop someone ringing Brazil etc.

BunFagFreddie · 04/01/2013 15:24

DP doesn't know any of my passwords and I don't know any of his. As far as I'm concerned it's private stuff. I'm not having an affair. I don't think DP is either.

I don't think knowing someone's passwords for their phone and Facebook would stop them from cheating and I don't think keeping them private means you are being unfaithful either.

scuzy · 04/01/2013 15:24

does take phone everywhere with him

its a mobile thats the idea! Grin

CinnabarRed · 04/01/2013 15:26

It's a condition of my employment that any mobile phone I use for work purposes (whether a work-provided mobile or one I pay for myself) has to have a password. In theory it's a disciplinary offence not to have one.

IDrankAllTheGravy · 04/01/2013 15:27

Mine is face recognition and DP looks nothing like me Grin

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 04/01/2013 15:27

Do phone thieves always call Brazil the minute they lay their hands on a phone or something? Xmas Grin

NervousReindeer · 04/01/2013 15:30

I have a password but its purposely to stop nosey SIL going through it. Angry
DP knows it and can go through at anytime not that he would though

GetorfsaMotherfuckingMorrisMan · 04/01/2013 15:33

It's always Brazil.

I never looked on XP's phone, and would have been cheesed off if he ever looked on mine. And I never did anything wrong. I just think it's privacy. It would be like someone reading my letters.

And I take my phone everywhere, to the bath etc, generally don't leave it lying about. My actions could have been construed as dodgy as hell, yet I was perfectly innocent.

PippinWoo · 04/01/2013 15:35

My DP has a password on his phone but I know what it is. A few times I've used it, gone to the web browser and it's gone straight to the last website he used and it made him blush with embarrassment. This just makes me chuckle but not everyone has the same attitude to their partner looking at pictures of other boobs on the net.

If he's given you the PIN, he might be uneasy about the possibility of you accidentally seeing the history at worst, or maybe accidentally screwing up his settings? My ex was a bit of a computer boffin and didn't like people messing with his settings on anything, phone, computer... when I first met him he didn't even want me to change the temperature knob on the shower however which was taking it too far!

BunFagFreddie · 04/01/2013 15:37

GetorfsaMotherfuckingMorrisMan, I feel the same way as you. Some people are just more private and secretive than others, but that doesn't mean they're hiding anything.

Groovee · 04/01/2013 15:37

Dh and I have pins on our phones to stop the kids helping themselves.

All the computers have the same code so the kids can't just log on. I don't see it as being a red flag unless it's new and you have suspicions.

Fakebook · 04/01/2013 15:42

Both DH and I have passwords on our phones. We both know each others pw's as we have nothing to hide. In the evenings if my battery is on it's last legs I switch to using dh's. We know each others email and fb passwords too.

MrsLyman · 04/01/2013 15:49

I thought people called china on stolen phones, why Brazil all of a sudden?

OP why are you posting this? Are you worried or just pondering?

FWIW I have a password on my phone, I don't really like DH using it but I'm not having am affair. I just don't want him reading my MN posts!

hermioneweasley · 04/01/2013 15:50

IMO anyone with a smartphone should have a password/pin lock in case it's stolen. DP knows mine and vice versa.

FredFredGeorge · 04/01/2013 15:50

YABU - or rather bonkers.

Why if he's never given you any reason to doubt him - do you doubt him? You need to find a solution to that.

FredFredGeorge · 04/01/2013 15:53

Surely password protecting the phone does nothing to stop people calling brazil or china - they just move the SIM into another phone?

And no-one should read their partners private stuff (phone messages/logs/emails etc. etc.) without permission, and then only within the permission given - e.g. "Can you just look in my email to see when I was supposed to be meeting Barney?" So there's no reason to know the passwords which should be sensibly used on these things.

Oblomov · 04/01/2013 15:55

Right. Thank you. I don't know anyone who doesn't have a pin on their phone. Even my old nokia's, pre smartphones had one.

PseudoBadger · 04/01/2013 16:00

I have a password in case it's stolen. Lots of settings in the phone need passwords too.

Sallyingforth · 04/01/2013 16:04

DP and I have PIN/password on all our phones and computers, for security.
But we use the same passwords, so that we can each use the other's if we need to. No need for any secrets between us.

whois · 04/01/2013 16:06

Everyone should have a password or pin on their phone. Loss/stolen/sticky fingers.

Not to have one is a red flag of stupidity.

Pozzled · 04/01/2013 16:11

DH and I both have passwords, but we know each other's and are free to use each other's phones. We often do so, if the battery is dying, if one of us has more credit or whatever. I'd find it a bit weird not to do that, unless it was a work phone or similar.

FryOneFatManic · 04/01/2013 16:30

DP, DD and I all have apsswords/PINs for phones, but we have access to each other's phones. Passwords for us are to prevent use by anyone other than us.

Original poster
Wishfulmakeupping · 04/01/2013 16:46

Thanks everyone, feel reassured by your posts. Like I said IH has be we given me any reason to think he was playing away it was a worry based on posts on MN about men cheating and their phone behaviour that has started to cause me concern- OH has always had a lock on phone, and took it everywhere - but think since I'd been reading posts about men acting weird I noticed it more.
I feel a bit daft now but it's a good daft- thanks peeps

OP posts:
Original poster
Wishfulmakeupping · 04/01/2013 16:47

Should have said OH has never given me any reason to worry

OP posts:
InNeedOfBrandy · 04/01/2013 16:48

I have apassword on my phone, it's not about it being stolen its purely so I don't end up ringing random numbers when phones in my bad/pocket and it automatically locks after a minute I think.

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