Corporate Poo Troll?

[ThunderInMyHeart]

...to want Miss Pooper at work to not always use the same stall...

at the same time...

every day?

I've never seen her, but, damn it, it's my stall! She always beats me to it and there's always evidence.

Bear in mind, I don't choose to do the dirty at work, but those Starbucks flatwhites are strong...and I have thighs of steel enabling a fabulous helicopter hovering motion of beautiful OCD proportions.

Place some cling film over the toilet then close the seat

I think we work in the same office! We have a regular pooper who deposits a stink every day. The stink I can accept, it's natural. Leaving an almighty streak is not!

Plan to go in ten minutes before her, and blu-tack something to the door for her to read while she's sitting there grunting and straining.

An article from a newspaper or magazine about digestive health? Advert for Activia?

Oh, Horatia! Alas, t'would be impossible.

She is stealth.
She is an assassin.
She is more ninja than Davina is toothsome.

I've attempted to go earlier, you know, mix it up a little and mess with Miss Pooper's head, but she'll have already beaten me to the punch!

It's such a regular occurence (no pun intended) that the other day I chuckled and actually said OUT LOUD to myself, 'ooh, She's got a bit of an upset tummy'

FFS.

Do you work set hours, or are you flexible? Hopefully the latter, and if so - go in earlier! Get your coffee earlier, and also reclaim your cubicle earlier. Before here.

And leave her a gift. Not a filthy one, but maybe a toy smurf or something?

Hazel, just snorted all over the desk.

I work in a law firm, so although I could come in earlier, a 12-14 hour day previously usually renders me face-planted and stone-cold dead to the world in the mornings as it is.

There's a further facet to the conspiracy theory...

The cleaner could be in on it.

Even if I distort my precious routine until after the cleaner's been...the evidence is still there...lurking in the delectable end stall.

Then I wondered this morning...does Miss Pooper know me?

Mutual anonymity is manageable...one-sided knowledge in her favour? Mind. Fuck.

It's madness. MADNESS, I tell ya!

Maybe it IS the cleaner.

Cue Eastenders' 'dum dum dum dumdumdum...'

But sometimes the evidence is there before the cleaner does our floor.

Would CCTV be too far?!

lie in wait overnight in the stall next door, with a flask of coffee and a torch. see if you recognise her shoes!

Start analysing the contents of the lunches in the fridge...matching food stuffs up?

Take your lap top into the toilet at 5am in your pj's and just camp out.

Do you think she'd "go" in any other cubicle?

I'm the only female manager on the floor so I won't dare have go in the communal toilets. The floors are shiny tile, there's only two cubicles so you can see who it is under the door coming in, or sitting down. There's no privacy to lose yourself in a leisurely dump, and there's no such thing as companionable silence.

I'm so glad I'm not alone in the need for a perfect poop environment.

She'd never use another cubicle. Honest to God Almighty, it's the end stall every damn day. She's so regular, she'd make Gillian McKeith blush.

Are you sure it's not yours from the previous day?

A sort of floater situation, Lark?

Is she from another floor?
'Poo-bombers' hardly ever use their own loo, rather take a dump secretly in someone else's.