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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I know you hate facebook, but

40 replies

MichelleRooJnr · 03/01/2013 23:59

I use it a lot.
My circle of friends are active fb-ers and we share a lot of photos etc on there.
I had a friend request from my 11yo niece!
It was quite a few weeks ago.

I ignored, but spoke to my sister tonight who told me DN is upset as I'm the only person who has not accepted her request.
I told my sister that there is no way I can vet my wall to make sure everything is appropriate for an 11yo.
She suggested I ought to put DN's feelings first and unfriend or block any potentially rude friends.

This is not a question of whether fb is shit or not or whether I am sad/pathetic/immature for using it.

It's about whether iabu to not accept my niece's request because I don't want to be responsible for exposing an 11yr old to the filthy humour of my friends.

(I'm not a parent so genuinely don't know - do 11yo often have fb a/cs?)

OP posts:
juneybean · 04/01/2013 00:01

YANBU you have to be 13 to have a facebook account as far as I am aware.

HollyBerryBush · 04/01/2013 00:03

11yo's do have face books.

Personally - I dont have children on my FB - not even my own teenagers. i do not want my wall spammed to death with C&P bloody cartoon statuses, inane drivel and prepubescent school chit chat.

Tell your sister that FB have an age 13 limit for a reason - and that should give you 2 years breathing space.

Although you can create groups - you can put her in a group all by herself and she will be excluded from seeing all the majority of your posts.

BunnyLebowski · 04/01/2013 00:04

YANBU.

Tell your sister to catch herself on and get her 11 year old child off a social networking site!

gimmecakeandcandy · 04/01/2013 00:04

You can block her from seeing your page - just accept her as a friend and go to privacy settings and customise

AnnieLobeseder · 04/01/2013 00:05

Who says MN hates Facebook? There are various MN FB groups.

The solution is simple. Accept your DN's friend request, then list her as an acquaintance and she won't see anything that you don't specifically opt her into. Win win all around.

Personally I have a group of close friends and family who I limit most of my posts to. I very rarely change the settings of my post to make them visible to anyone outside this group. And my teen DN is outside this group so she can't see any inappropriate posts. It's the best thing about the Lists feature on FB - you can exclude people from your posts without them knowing and without any effort on your part.

MrsTomHardy · 04/01/2013 00:06

I have friends kids and my kids on my fb...but I do tend to post

pictish · 04/01/2013 00:06

Yanbu. I have had several requests from friend's children and I have ignored them all. Two have asked about it, and I said the same as you. My fb page is for adults, and I don't want to have to think about kids when I post on it.
They both thought that was fair enough. It wasn't an issue.

Your sister is being a twat.

Theunincredibles · 04/01/2013 00:07

Yanbu about your reasons not to accept. But you could add her and then just change your settings so she can't see status updates or your wall. That would keep everyone happy.

MrsTomHardy · 04/01/2013 00:08

Oops pressed send too soon Sad

Meant to say as its my wall I post what I like... But obv it's nothing too bad!
I keep a check on my kids fb too, as I know their passwords...

fishcalledwonder · 04/01/2013 00:08

An 11 yo who obviously likes her aunt seeing as she wants to be your friend on Facebook, is more than capable of understanding that you want to protect her from adult jokes etc that others might post on your wall. I'd ignore your sister and chat about it directly to your DN.

Original poster
MichelleRooJnr · 04/01/2013 00:08

Thank you all.
I will accept and limit, though it grates a bit because I agree with Bunny - sister needs to catch herself on. (Bunny are you Irish? - people tend to do a double take when I say "Away and catch yoursel' on")

OP posts:
Original poster
MichelleRooJnr · 04/01/2013 00:10

fishcalledwonder - I expect it was more a case of her requesting every family member in order to have plenty of 'friends'.

OP posts:
manicinsomniac · 04/01/2013 00:11

I don't think it's ideal that an 11 year old has facebook but I would be more worried about hurting a little girl's feeling by not accepting her friend request. Her mum has decided she doesn't mind her having it, all you would have to do is accept her then put her on restricted profile. I have children/teens on my fb page who can only see my name, profile picture and totally innocuous things like that.

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 04/01/2013 00:11

My 11yo is on FB (we moved 500 miles last year and it was a good way to stay in touch) I let him on it but I go on before him and remove anything I find inappropriate and sit right with him while he chats to his friends and family. Its my job to check what he is exposed to on there not anyone elses.

BunnyLebowski · 04/01/2013 00:11

Yep Grin

Picturesinthefirelight · 04/01/2013 00:14

YANBU. I won't accept under 16 s at the moment though I will probably change that to under 13s once dd is old enough to have an account.

WorraLiberty · 04/01/2013 00:14

Sorry but I think it's ridiculous of your DSis to get all precious about this.

Tell your Sis and your DN that you don't have children on your FB and that's that.

You can see her in person, phone her, text her, email her, Skype her, MSN her

But Facebook is the one place you want to relax with adults.

If neither of them can accept that, the problem is entirely theirs.

DrRanj · 04/01/2013 00:17

You have to be over 13 to have a fb account, so your dsis ibu for letting your dn go on there in the first place.

Maryz · 04/01/2013 00:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
MichelleRooJnr · 04/01/2013 00:19

Don't be sorry Worra - my sister is a right old drama queen.
I'm really not bothered about upsetting sister, and now I know I can accept DN and restrict what she see I will. It's hard enough to have a decent relationship with her when her mother is a flake.
She lives in Ireland and I'm in Yorkshire so I don't see her as much as I'd like and would rather not give her mother any reason to tell her that Auntie MichelleRoux doesn't care etc bollocks etc.
Thank you all for responses.

OP posts:
ILoveSaladReallyIDo · 04/01/2013 00:20

YANBU, I never accept friend requests from children

when my DCs get facebook then I want them to be friending peers they know in RL that are their age, not adults! even related ones!

flow4 · 04/01/2013 00:23

I don't have kids as FB friends. I have annoyed a few of my RL friends' children that way. Ah well! I know I could edit/control/restrict my posts to make them suitable for children, but I might not remember, and frankly life is too short. Grin

WorraLiberty · 04/01/2013 00:25

The whole 'age 13' thing is purely because of American law on how under 13's info must be stored differently to over 13's.

My DS has had a FB account with my permission (and opened/regulated by me) since he left year 6 aged 11yrs and went on to senior school. It's a great way for them to keep in touch with friends who go to different schools.

Lol @ the mother being a flake Grin

Because I don't want my DS on my own FB, I have a separate account with just him as a friend so I can log in and keep any eye on him...that was part of the deal when he asked if he could join.

You could always compromise and add her in a different account OP...it might be better than having to faff around with endless settings....especially when FB keep changing the privacy?

Original poster
MichelleRooJnr · 04/01/2013 00:33

Yeah Worra I thought about setting up another a/c just for her.
But she friend requested me already and knows I haven't accepted yet so I think I'm just gonna get my head around the whole 'Yes I'll be your friend but you can't see ANYthing about me!'.
If I can get it to work I'll accept my mother's 6 month old request as well! Wink

OP posts:
NewYearNewNagoo · 04/01/2013 00:37

No children on my FB.

I could possibly do a restricted list, but at this stage in my life I CBA so I just don't do it.

Those of you on your DC's facebook, how do you know you aren't on a restricted list?

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