AIBU re my 40th??

[substitutemycokeforgin]

It's my 40th next month, gah.

The weekend before it is a long weekend with the DC off school Thur, Fri and Mon, so I thought it would be nice to go away as a family for a lovely celebratory truffles-on-the-pillow weekend in a cottage - now booked. The following Friday after we come back is my actual birthday, and I'd tentatively planned to go out for a nice drunken meal with my 4 or 5 closest pals that evening. When I mentioned this to DP, though, he got really withdrawn, not sulky but just kind of sad, and when I questioned him he said he was really hurt that I'd decided to go out with friends instead of him, or him and DC, on my bday itself

AIBU? I feel awful that I've made him feel bad but think he's being kind of unreasonable himself, no? (please?! ) Thing is, he doesn't really have good friends like I do, just acquaintances from school etc who he doesn't really see much.

I'd actually thought, before I even mentioned dinner with my mates to him, that he could take the afternoon off work on my bday and we could go for a lovely lunch together with DD2 (aged 2, the others will be at school), but he seems to think this is me backtracking a bit ...

Whaddya all think?

I'd give him the option of him arranging childcare/dinner out for your birthday and you'll re-arrange your friends.

But honestly you're away the weekend before with him to celebrate your birthday so I don't see the big deal.

But if I were you and I re-arranged friends for your actual birthday and he then didn't plan something nice I'd be very pissed off.

cross-posted with chaotic.

Seriously if he can't book a restaurant then I'd stick to the original plan.

If be pissed off if my DP did that too.

I'd I mean, bit iffy there.

Well I would be counting the weekend away as an adequate bday celebration tbh.

That said, I´d probably want to go out on the actually bday with my husband & friends the day after.

Don´t think my husband would care either way though-certainly not to the point of being upset.

I would tell him that the reason you were going out with mates on the Friday was because you presumed he wouldn't arrange anything on your birthday. Then suggest that you are happy to change to the Saturday if he wants to do something nice on the Friday, but add that because you arranged the cottage you don't want to arrange the second family celebration- that would be up to him.

3 birthday treats accomplished! What's not to like?

But what actually needs '"arranging" about just the two of you going out? Can't you just book a table at the place you'd like to go? It doesn't really matter who does it, does it?

FWIW I'd have been a bit upset too in your DH's place although obviously it is just because you were thinking along different lines.