Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

to think this might be a breach of a restraining order?

21 replies

Scruffalo · 02/01/2013 23:57

I'm probably automatically BU as this is FB related. Also it sounds like a pathetically minor incident but it has caused me to have a panic attack and flashbacks of previous stuff that happened.

XP and I split up 3 years ago but he continuously harrassed me for a long time afterwards and eventually the police took him to court a year ago. He was found guilty and a restraining order was made to prevent him contacting me directly or indirectly.

Today I logged into my FB for the first time in ages and find I have a notification to update my timeline Basically, despite the fact I blocked him a long time ago, XP has tagged me on his timeline and has requested that his name/photo appear on mine, as having been in a relationship.

Like I said its a minor thing and I can easily click decline, but it has freaked me out to know he is still thinking about me as I know what he has been capable of in the past. Also I know he is a whizz on a computer (and I am so not) so has he worked out a loophole in this timeline thing to get round the blocking, because in the past he used facebook to stalk me/find out where i was and who with etc.

So would you consider this a form of indirect contact and therefore a breach of the restraining order? Or am I just being stupid and neurotic in worrying about this at all?

OP posts:

HoHoHoNoYouDont · 03/01/2013 00:00

Could you contact FB directly to block him?

WorraLiberty · 03/01/2013 00:00

No-one can get round being blocked...you either haven't blocked him or it's a glitch.

The tagging thing could also be an 'auto' thing as FB won't stop fucking fiddling and making silly changes.

Just block him properly and ignore because I doubt a court would take it seriously and may just assume you're playing silly buggers in not blocking him.

Sad but so many people play those sort of games.

MiconiumHappens · 03/01/2013 00:01

I would definitely class that as contact.

Go and see the police ASAP I'm sure they will take it very seriously.

Have a little experience actually ..... DH EXW was warned by the police on our behalf so I know they take it seriously. They said to us they like ti nip in the bud before it escalates to anything else.

Hope you're ok - ring a friend or family member if not they will understand.

vigglewiggle · 03/01/2013 00:03

No that would constitute a breach. Presuming it could be proved that he did it of course. He would certainly be arrested for it. Contact the police on the 101 number. I can totally see why this would be upsetting and they should be willing to take action.

HollyBerryBush · 03/01/2013 00:03

Block him.

vigglewiggle · 03/01/2013 00:07

It matters not whether the OP has effectively blocked him or not. He is the subject of the Restraining Order and is therefore fully aware that he should not attempt to make contact with her in any way.

WorraLiberty · 03/01/2013 00:12

Yes but courts are wise to people complaining that someone is contacting them through FB when all they had to do was block them.

That's why they might not take this type of breach seriously...when the OP could put it right at the click of a button.

Something like 90% of people keep tabs on their ex's FB page after a break up apparently.

Original poster

Scruffalo · 03/01/2013 00:14

He is definitely blocked as the notification says he is blocked and that is why I have been given the option to accept/decline adding this to my timeline. I presume if he were not blocked it would have just appeared on my timeline without my consent and I likely would have not noticed until the next time I logged into FB in however many months. As it is I rarely use FB anymore due to the stalking issues, only to send happy birthday/xmas/ new year messages to people I wouldn't otherwise have any contact with.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 03/01/2013 00:18

Nothing can appear on your timeline without your consent.

You need to familiarise yourself with the privacy settings...it's a bugger cos they keep changing.

But you can set it so that no-one can tag you in anything without your approval. You can even set it so no-one can post on your wall without your approval.

How long ago did you block him?

It sounds as though this might be a past thing that's cropped up cos of the new timelines...just like when people were finding private inbox messages on their walls that were sent before 2009 or something.

Original poster

Scruffalo · 03/01/2013 01:00

He was blocked in 2011. At the time I had to get my brother to check the settings were right because after I thought I had blocked him XP was still able to take photos from my FB page and edit/re-post them on his own. If I remember correctly it involved also blocking any mutual friends too, which was a pain because XP kept adding my friends (e.g. people I went to school with 20+ years ago that he'd never met) on to his own list. I will get DB round in the morning to re-check that my settings are still ok.

I have got a firend to view my timeline from their own account and nothing new has been posted on to it. Obviously there is no chance I will accept this request to do so and i'm sure XP would have knpwn that I wouldn't. Its the fact that he was able to make the notification appear on my account just asking for the consent, along with his name/photo that caused me to have a panic attack. theres no doubt XP would have known I would react that way and that was probably his intention all along.

OP posts:

shayshaysmum · 03/01/2013 02:03

He could of opened up a new account, therefore he wouldn't be blocked anymore iyswim..
I'd def report it, I've been in your situation and its not nice, especially when you have moved on and things like this drag it all back up again!
Good luck : )

shayshaysmum · 03/01/2013 02:03

Oh, and take a screen shot if you can for proof etc..

MalibuStac · 03/01/2013 02:12

Sounds like he has set up a new account which hasn't been blocked by you. Yes you can easily block him but he can keep making new accounts. I would contact the police as it is a direct contact.
Double check all your privacy settings. Mine are set to ask if anyone wants to tag me but if the account is blocked they can't even request to do that which is why I think he's made a new account. Let's face it why would he do that if not to harass you again. Go to the police.

MalibuStac · 03/01/2013 02:14

You can also report that account to facebook but again doesn't stop him opening yet another one.

IneedAsockamnesty · 03/01/2013 03:26

Its possibly a indirect contact type breach.

Does your order state, directly or indirectly by any method inc electronic communications, or words to the effect?

LuluMai · 03/01/2013 04:04

It's quite simple to get around being blocked if you're that determined- just get a new email address and set up a new facebook account.

LuluMai · 03/01/2013 04:07

You could think about changing your name on facebook so that it is harder for him to track you down and not having your face as your profile/cover picture. Make sure everything- pictures and updates etc- are set to friends only. Make it so only friends can send you messages and search for you.

misterwife · 03/01/2013 06:24

Report this to police even if it isn't an indirect contact breach (which I think it is).

MiconiumHappens · 03/01/2013 07:42

Hope you're ok Scrufalo

HappyNewHissy · 03/01/2013 07:44

It does need logging, call 101.

Why not set up a new FB yourself, set it to max security, profile pic that's not of you, but something else, and connect only with those you need to keep in contact.

Otherwise, update your email addresses for everyone and bin FB. You don't need it if all you do is log in every couple of months. Go off-grid as far as your twat-Ex is concerned.

Take back your life.

zipzap · 03/01/2013 17:13

Definitely get screen shots and keep them safe - including ones where it says that you have already blocked him, so that you can show that it wasn't because you hadn't bothered to block him, either directly or indirectly he has tried to contact you.

Even taking the nicest possible view of things, It sounds like he must have listed you somewhere as having been in a relationship for it to do it automatically. Which if he is not supposed to be contacting you surely he should have no mention of you on his facebook timeline anywhere, not least because of the way that fb mess around with settings and whatnots so you can end up with people connecting to you when you don't expect it or over-riding previous settings.

YOu'd hope the police would tell you to scratch all mention of you from his facebook page otherwise he would be in breach of the order. And that the contacting you to say you had been in a relationship would be a separate incident - either direct (if he was idiotic enough to type your name in and press ask her) or indirect (if he was idiotic enough to type your name in anyway and fb did the rest automatically).

Flip

Swipe left for the next trending thread