To be having second thoughts about moving away?

[slatternlymother]

We live in Cornwall, and DH is getting a new job that will allow us to relocate, and I can get a job (because of the industry I work in) in either Gosport, Exeter or I can stay down here.

At first, I jumped at the chance to move away to somewhere with more going on. I'm forever moaning about the lack of shops, and lack of big chains etc. But recently, I realised how much I'd miss it here. I'd have to leave all my friends behind. The other day, DH was away and I'd left the lights on in the car overnight, draining the battery. I really needed to get out for milk for my DS, and within 15 minutes, two of our friends had pitched up with milk and bits to help me get my car started again. At New Year, I laughed so hard I cried. I'd miss them all so much.

What's wrong with me? Am I just being a bit of a softie? Should I just toughen up, and relocate? DS is still young, he won't know the difference. DH says it's up to me, as long as I'm happy.

AIBU to have second thoughts? Has anyone moved away from everything they
knew to start again? Would you?

I did last year. It is scary for all the reasons you've mentioned but in only six months I've already started to meet new people and make new friends. People's generosity and welcoming has amazed me actually.

I know DH worries a lot about crime levels around the Portsmouth area when he'd be away on work trips etc, a lot more than what we're used to, I know that! But then again, there's crime everywhere.

I wonder if there's more opportunity closer to London. Now, when my DS grows up; there will be no jobs for him. Not unless he goes into a very specialist field, or gets lucky. He would have to move away; probably a way away and I'd hate to think of him having to strike out so far away so young. Even Exeter would give him a better choice of secondary schools and Universities, should he decide to go.

clay how have you met your new friends? I worry about finding like minded people.

Gah

I moved 200 miles away from my home city, my family and friends when dd was 4 months old.
We moved to rural Oxfordshire, the only people I knew in a hundred mile radius where my in laws who are nice enough but at times can be a little much and anyway, your pils aren't exactly what you want in a social life!
It was a big scarey thing and at times I found it very hard but knew we had made the right choice as for us, raising our children in a tight village community surrounded by glorious countryside was what we really wanted.
Not far off 8 years on and we are a fixture in our village, a real part of the community. I have made a couple of really good friends as well as many more less close friendships and we know everybody in the village which I just love. I joke that you couldn't even get me to leave this village in a box as I want to be buried in the church yard! (I joke but it's also true!)
I found that having a young child was a huge help when it came to putting myself out there and it was the birth of my second child that made me feel a real part of the community.
I don't get back to my home city much, once a year maybe but people love coming to see us here, all in all I can honestly say I wouldn't change a thing. The time I spend with friends and family from where we used to be is all the more special and happy.

We move every 2 to 3 years, sometimes to different countries. I find that if I look at it as an adventure and a 'moving to' rather than a 'moving away from' thing it's easier to deal with.

You have to make an effort to go out and find things to do where you'll meet new people. Plans days out before you move, that sort of thing.

Having said that, if we got a move to Cornwall, you'd need some fairly heavy artillery to get my husband to move away again!

I moved 100 miles from all my friends and family to be with dh, regret it so much. We are desprately trying to move back and will be as soon as we can sort our house sell.

Another one of my friends re located to cornwall, then moved away and regrets it and is planning to move back just as soon as she can!

but only you know your personality. Are you the type to go out and make new friends, seek oppertunities to invite others to your home and actively make a new friendship group or are you much more of a home girl who needs her friends and family around her and hates social situations (me and my friend). No one can tell you what you will feel when and if you re locate because no one is you, no one knows how you think or feel.

The advice I can give is to listen to yourself, find out why you are having second thoughts and work out thoes feelings or the relocation will never work if your heart stays in cornwall or finds its way there again

I complain bitterly about the feeling of disconnection down here, but I'm quite shocked that I'm being given the opportunity on a plate to move away, and after an initial flurry of excitement I can feel myself trying to back away.

They do say once you move here, you'll never leave!

I do worry about my DS living quite a sheltered existence down here.

Mainly met new friends through meeting people on the school playground. I've also tried to go to PTA events etc. and offer to help as I find that's a good way of getting to know names and chatting to people.