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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Asking for money owed

29 replies

porridgewithalmondmilk · 02/01/2013 16:04

Not really an AIBU but how do you go about getting money off people who manage to get a considerable sum from you quite stealthily, by saying "oh, if you get/book/buy mine, and I'll give you the cash later?"

But "later" never comes

I've now realised this person has form for this but I'm still considerably out of pocket and I want to claim mine back - any ideas for how I can politely but firmly demand it back? :)

OP posts:

Sparklyblue · 02/01/2013 16:07

Threaten small claims, that might jolt them in to paying.

ResolutelyCheeky · 02/01/2013 16:08

small claims court?

manicbmc · 02/01/2013 16:08

You ask them. Can I have that money back now please as I need it?

Then when they say oh but I need a new tartan folkweave matchbox cover or some other such crap you stop asking and go to small claims.

ResolutelyCheeky · 02/01/2013 16:08

Letter from solicitor might do the trick on it's own though?

HollyBerryBush · 02/01/2013 16:09

Don't hand over the product until they have paid up front - if they don't - see fi you can flog the ticket to another mate etc

As for getting past money - you either as outright, preferably on their pay day or next time you want to go somewhere, you get them to buy it, when they ask for the money you simply say "oh, I thought it was your turn to pay as you never paid me back for XYZ'.

For future reference - get the money up front, no solace I know.

Original poster

porridgewithalmondmilk · 02/01/2013 16:09

It isn't really small claims league - less than £50 overall and in dribs and drabs. Thanks, though!

OP posts:

Original poster

porridgewithalmondmilk · 02/01/2013 16:11

Holly - definitely will be doing that in the future!

OP posts:

RyleDup · 02/01/2013 16:11

Oh yeah, I used to have a friend like that. Trying to get money back from her was like trying to draw blood out of a stone. Theres not much you can do except ask assertively, and if that fails small claims court.

susanann · 02/01/2013 16:12

beware of going to small claims court. I did that once and you have to pay for each stage, they dont tell you that. And theres no guarantees that youll get what you were owed in the first place. Personally I would ask for it nicely but say you need it. And obviously dont ever put yourself in that situation again unless you know the person will defo give it back! Good luck

Teeb · 02/01/2013 16:14

Ask her when she's going to give you that £100 back, and when she quickly corrects you that it was in fact more like £50 then you say you want it before the end of the week.

Alisvolatpropiis · 02/01/2013 16:14

Just politely but firmly say "I'd like that £50 you borrowed from me back now please".

Don't be self deprecating,don't make excuses about why you need it,just politely ask for it back. You don't have to have a reason to want them to repay you your own money.

Original poster

porridgewithalmondmilk · 02/01/2013 16:14

Thanks :) I wouldn't be taking it to small claims - it isn't worth it either in monetary terms or in bad feeling, but it is annoying and frustrating (and embarrassing) when you have to chase people for what they owe you.

I have a friend who wanted to come on a trip abroad with me and I booked the tickets using my debit card and I saw her last week and she didn't even mention the money she owed me. That's in addition to a lot of drinks/snacks that "I'll give you the money for" that she then just doesn't.

OP posts:

MTBMummy · 02/01/2013 16:16

I learnt the hard way not to lend money to friends - I once lent someone £400 to pay rent and was promised it back when they were paid.

we worked together and I knew where he was living so figured no problem.

He disappeared on pay day - didn't turn up to work, wasn't at the house, and when I called the agency they said he'd never paid the rent owed anyway so the landlord had taken the house back over (fully furnished with no personal effects left behind)

It was the extreme end of the scale - but I will now not lend money to anyone - but that said I won't ever ask to borrow it either

ihearsounds · 02/01/2013 16:19

You ask nicely, by reminding them they owe you still for x. They priomise to pay back by such a date.
They don't so you tell them they have to cough up, and give them a week.
They dont. Next time you are in their home, you bring it up again, they refuse. You tell them that's fine, but until they cough up you are taking xbox or whatever.
Amazing how quickly they pull the money out before you have disconnected the xbox.

The person was a persistent borrower, not just from me. Was chasing her for about a year. Others before me had given up, but I am stubborn and not a charity. Only found out about the others afterwards as she had the balls to complain to them about me, which gave them ideas.

Original poster

porridgewithalmondmilk · 02/01/2013 16:19

I never borrow money either. I think it can just be quite tricky with some people (especially if you don't necessarily "see" them a lot.) My best friend and I take turns paying for stuff - obviously over the course of say, a month, it might work out that one of us pays slightly less than the other but it's fair.

However, with this person it's hard as it is pretty stealthy. It's things like: give her a lift but petrol/parking is never contributed towards, never buys drinks, never offers to go halves, says "Oh, can you buy me XXX and I will give you the money for it later!" (usually when you're at the till!) - I'm not normally a penny pincher but it drove me insane and I have decided next time I will be more assertive, starting with the flight money.

OP posts:

suburbophobe · 02/01/2013 16:24

I am a bit of a wimp too sometimes when it comes to falling for a hard-up story.

But some people are just freeloaders.

I like the line one woman told me when being asked for money:

"Now, do I look like your mother?"

EndoplasmicReticulum · 02/01/2013 16:25

Ask, ask again, keep asking. Every time you see them.

And obviously don't ever lend them any more.

OP - tell her if she doesn't pay you for the tickets you will be selling them on and she won't be coming on the trip. And tell her now, to give her more time to get organised.

Voiceofsomeone · 02/01/2013 17:12

Just ask for it and if she kicks up a fuss I would evaluate my friendship with her .

MajorB · 02/01/2013 17:55

Next time you're at the till and she bowls up with an additional item asking you to pay for it just say "actually you still owe me for that dinner/those drinks/that item I bought the other day, so why don't you pay for all this and then we'll be even" then you have to walk away and wait for her by the door leaving her no option than to get her purse out.

This has a two-fold result 1) you get your money back by her paying for your items and 2) she'll think before trying to stitch you up at the till again.

rogersmellyonthetelly · 02/01/2013 18:11

Play them at their own game. Every time you go out with them or book something, just say, "could you get this one and we will knock it off x that you owe me for y"
Let's people know you haven't forgotten and it's far harder to wiggle out of it when put on the spot.

bamboostalks · 02/01/2013 18:22

Ask? These people are chancres. If they are that crap at paying money back, then that begs the question as to why you would want to pursue the friendship.

3smellysocks · 02/01/2013 20:12

only take enough money out for yourself?

Or just remind her by text she owes you for x and x. Or ask her in front of people 'by the way, have you got that 30 you owe me, I've seen a dress I want to buy'

Or just say no, you can't afford it sorry (and repeat 100x)

Let her go first at the till. Spend time texting or doing something which means she gets served first.

Or just joke 'no chance, you never give me the money back ever'

3smellysocks · 02/01/2013 20:13

Or just say 'no, it's your turn to buy the meals'

EldritchCleavage · 02/01/2013 20:34

My friends and I had a housemate like this at university. She was quite simply the most shameless freeloader I have ever met. When embarrassing her didn't work (we all took a synchronised theatrical step back one night leaving her standing at the bar as a way of reminding her she really really had to get a round in for once. The whole bar laughed. She didn't care) I stopped socialising with her completely. I wouldn't even lend her the bus far home.

In general, with people like this, at the heart of it is the fact they have contempt for you. So don't weaken or feel embarrassed about asking for your money.

UsedToBeAContender · 02/01/2013 20:36

I have a friend like this. She always promises to pay me back and never does. I'm sure she and her husband just think we're ok for money and just stitch us up.

We now never offer to pay and 'get the money later' as it never comes!

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