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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think I get to choose what to do on my birthday?

22 replies

Lauren15 · 02/01/2013 14:11

My husband and I are both turning 40 this year and I'm up first, with my birthday coming in a couple of weeks. He is planning a boys' weekend with all his friends who are also turning 40 this year. I wouldn't do this because most of my friends aren't in a financial position to go swanning off for the weekend. However, every idea I have given to my husband he has dismissed and now he is in the huff with me because I don't like his idea, which is to take me for lunch somewhere posh in London. What I really wanted is a party for family and friends but whenever I suggested it he acted like he'd gone deaf. Now he has confessed he doesn't want a party because he finds some of my friends' husbands boring. I feel the same about some of his best friends' wives but that hasn't stopped me entertaining them over the years. His attitude has actually spoiled my mood and I just feel like forgetting the whole thing. However, he now says I'm being stubborn in not agreeing to his idea. Surely you want people to do what makes them happy on their birthday? I really don't want to fall out about this but I don't want to give in either. What should I do?

OP posts:
ParsleyTheLioness · 02/01/2013 14:13

If he chose what he wanted to do for his birthday, surely you get to do the same? IMO

brainonastick · 02/01/2013 14:14

Stick to your guns. Your birthday, you choose. Or he doesn't get to go on his lads weekend.

Is he always such an arse?

Sirzy · 02/01/2013 14:14

If you want a party why not organise it yourself?

Surely you can spend the same amount on a party as he is on his weekend away?

manicbmc · 02/01/2013 14:14

Tell him he can't go on his boys' weekend away for some spurious made up reason and see how he likes it.

You do what you want for your birthday.

KellyEllyChristmasBelly · 02/01/2013 14:15

Let him take you out on your birthday and party on the Friday or Sat. Best of both world for you!

MaxPepsi · 02/01/2013 14:16

Your birthday, your choice!

However, my DH could well write your OP. I always decide what he wants to do on his birthday and keep dropping loads of hints until he thinks it was his idea all along Wink

ResolutelyCheeky · 02/01/2013 14:17

Do you think he may be trying to surprise you?

ObiTheChristmasWan · 02/01/2013 14:17

Perhaps his lunch idea is a cover for getting you out of the way while your surprise party is organised?

merryng · 02/01/2013 14:18

Is he trying to throw you off the scent of a surprise birthday party (hopefully!)?Smile

merryng · 02/01/2013 14:19

Great minds x post alike...

CloudsAndTrees · 02/01/2013 14:38

If you can be sure he's not organising a surprise, then why don't you organise your own party? You don't need his permission to plan it.

3smellysocks · 02/01/2013 14:41

he chooses what to do for his birthday, you choose what to do for your birthday. Simple.

HollyBerryBush · 02/01/2013 14:44

Ah, could be worse ...Dh organised a boys weekend playing golf and thought I might like to spend the same weekend with all their wives at a spa hell froze over first

MardyBra · 02/01/2013 14:46

Yanbu.

Original poster
Lauren15 · 02/01/2013 14:47

I actually suspected he might be planning a surprise party so I asked him directly! He's not. I think he IS being an arse. I am now thinking of taking a good friend who is down in the dumps to a spa day on my birthday at his expense and cut him out of the occasion. I just wanted to take other people's opinion because he was making me feel that I'm being 'difficult' Thanks.

OP posts:
Naysa · 02/01/2013 16:07

If he's so insistent on the restaurant then go! Then tell him it's a joint celebration so he can forget about his weekend away

ChaoticintheNewYear · 02/01/2013 16:45

YANBU He's being a twat and selfish. If you want a party then have a party, he can put with your friends' husbands for a few hours.

notmyproblem · 02/01/2013 17:18

He sounds like a knob. Does he always act like a teenager until he gets his way?

If he's going off with the boys for his birthday, surely you can do what you want with your friend/s. Don't even ask him, just tell him. And don't give in.

He's being an arse, yes.

ihearsounds · 02/01/2013 17:24

He is being an arse.
Your birthday, up to you how you celebrate. He can huff, and puff but he cannot blow away your party.
Tell him to grow up, act his age and not his shoe size. If is being such an immature arse, then clearly he isn't old enough to go away for the weekend.

HotBurrito1 · 02/01/2013 17:37

Yy to having a party anyway. Unless you chose what he was doing for his birthday, why the hell should he choose what you do for yours?

seekingpeaceandquiet · 02/01/2013 17:41

Of course you should do what you want for your birthday. Organise it yourself that way you know exactly what you are doing and have fun.

travailtotravel · 02/01/2013 18:13

Have a party, if that's what you want. I hate the phrase, "man up" but think he has to on this occassion.

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