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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

I'm not going mad here am I?

14 replies

LikeATeenager · 02/01/2013 13:21

My friend is having an affair. I'm so sure she is, but she insists it's not so vehemently that I'm losing patience as I just can't condone her behaviour.
Basically she has been with this chap for 10 months - he's married but she's not. Apparently they talk all the time by text and have met up a handful of times. Now she says that because they never talk by phone and that because they have only met up a few times that it doesn't count as an affair.
I've tried telling her to imagine what his poor wife would say to that.
So aibu to say that it is an affair and she needs to stop right now (I plan on showing her this to hopefully jolt her to her senses)

OP posts:

cozietoesie · 02/01/2013 13:23

Well yes it is - but why are you so passionately involved with the matter? I'd let her make her own destiny and cease having her as a friend if you dislike her actions.

HollyBerryBush · 02/01/2013 13:24

Whether she is or she isn't, it isn't any of your business.

Express your disapproval, but other than that refuse to discuss him, or continue any conversation with him in it.

BunnyLebowski · 02/01/2013 13:25

Presumably she's an adult and therefore capable of making her own decisions.

It's really none of your business.

Fakebook · 02/01/2013 13:26

It's not something worth going mad about yourself tbh. Your friend should be old enough to know she's doing Something wrong. If you don't want involvement then stop being her friend.

Buddhastic · 02/01/2013 13:27

it's an affair and she still will be able to justify it to herself even if she reads this.

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 02/01/2013 13:27

You can say whatever you like, it won't make a jot of difference to her.

She is a grown up and, although her morals leave a lot to be desired, she is free to do as she chooses.

Floralnomad · 02/01/2013 13:27

TBH it's none of your business and I can't see why it bothers you so much and perhaps you would be better off trying to help your friend find herself a proper relationship because if she's been with him 10 months and all they do is text and meet up occasionally that's not really a relationship that's going places is it?

SquirtedPerfumeUpNoseInBoots · 02/01/2013 13:32

If she thinks she is "just friends" then this the opinions on this thread aren't going to change her mind, are they?

Stop engaging in conversation about him, or stop seeing her. Either way, not your choice.

MikeOxardInTheSnow · 02/01/2013 13:38

You said she's not married? Well she can't be having an affair then. He might be having one though, or he might not. Not your business.

EuroShagmore · 02/01/2013 13:46

She's not having the affair, the married man is! In any case, it is not your business. Why does she need you to "condone her behaviour". She is a grown woman!

everlong · 02/01/2013 15:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange · 02/01/2013 15:10

She's not married so she's not having an affair. She is having a relationship with an arsehole.

NaturalBaby · 02/01/2013 15:12

YABU.

If she was wanting to share the exciting details of their relationship or wanted a shoulder to cry on about it then you could have an opinion on the relationship. Even if she is having an affair, friends are there to support each other.

She said it's not an affair, whether it is or isn't you need to show your friend some respect and listen to her or work out what your real issue is with her.

Is there something in your past that's making you react like this?

NoMoreMarbles · 02/01/2013 15:16

i have a friend who fell for the "we never have sex anymore", "she doesnt understand me like you do", "we are splitting up very soon" lines from a man she knew (unmarried but long term partnered) and wouldnt accept her part in the 'affair'. she always complained that he hadnt left her yet and even rationalised the GF getting pregnant (twice but MC once and had 1 baby boy) by saying "they have to have sex sometimes so it doesnt look suspicious" i was there for her and gave advice whilst saying that i really think he is feeding you lines etc but letting her vent to me and being a shoulder to cry on. Whether i agreed or not with her actions was besides the point as friendship is being there for someone regardless of whether you are in total agreement or not surely...?

I would maybe speak to her and say how i felt about the situation but them let it rest there as it really is none of your business to tell her what to do IMO

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