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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my friend was bloody rude?

31 replies

welshinexile · 02/01/2013 11:14

I was out new years eve with my best mate and another mutual friend that we hadnt seen for 5 years for lunch- we were all drinking & we went to our last pub- i got the drinks in while my best mate popped to the shop.

When she came to join us, I handed her a glass of wine & she said "I dont want it, I have stopped drinking" and then ordered herself a coffee.

It made really cross and a bit speechless. There was no thankyou- our mutual friend looked really embarrassed too!

I was really cross- partly as I thought it rude, partly as the drink cost a fiver and partly because I think if someone buys you a drink you at least pretend to drink it!

Am I being an unreasonsble petty cow?

OP posts:
ChrimboFascist · 02/01/2013 11:16

Maybe she has an alcohol problem that you aren't aware of, and was awkward/annoyed/conflicted at the wine being put in front of her.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 02/01/2013 11:16

Actually YABU. You should have waited for her to get back and then ordered the drinks....how did you know what she wanted?

I am giving up drinking for a few months and if someone bought me a drink I hadn't asked for then no, I wouldn't drink it. However, I would be a bit more gracious with my answer.

squeakytoy · 02/01/2013 11:17

I would always ask someone what they wanted before getting it, but you could have just drunk it yourself anyway.

dexter73 · 02/01/2013 11:17

I think both of you WBU. She should have thanked you for the drink but you can't expect her to drink alcohol if she has given it up. Love the idea of her pretending to drink it - she would need a handy pot plant to chuck it in!

TraineeBabyCatcher · 02/01/2013 11:17

She wnbu to turn it down but manners go a long way and cost nothing!

CloudsAndTrees · 02/01/2013 11:18

It was rude, and I can understand why it annoyed you, but if she never said she wanted another glass of wine and she was at the stage where she felt like she has already had enough alcohol, I don't think you can expect her to drink it.

Sounds like a misunderstanding, you assumed she would carry on drinking what she was drinking before, she didn't say she wanted more wine and wasn't asked, so she didn't do anything that terrible.

Couldn't you have just drank it yourself?

LittleBairn · 02/01/2013 11:18

YABU she didn't ask you for the drink.

KobayashiMaru · 02/01/2013 11:19

Maybe you annoyed her by buying her alcohol without askig her if she wanted it and then getting shirty when she said no?

Original poster
welshinexile · 02/01/2013 11:20

We were all drinking different things so I didnt want it, nor did our mutual friend! We had probably all has enough anyway which is maybe why I got annoyed!! ;)

OP posts:
Sugarice · 02/01/2013 11:20

So she had been drinking alcohol with you until the last pub, have I got that right?

She was rude if that was the case and should've at least given you notice beforehand if she didn't want another!

TheSecretCervixDNCOP · 02/01/2013 11:21

She did not ask you to buy the drink. I wouldn't order a drink for someone when I did not really know what they wanted. YABVU to have the hump.

TraineeBabyCatcher · 02/01/2013 11:22

Oh wait, she had stopped drinking as aposed to not drinking at all.
I guess it would depend on how you had been doing the rounds in the previous pub. Even so she could have been a little more polite.

Original poster
welshinexile · 02/01/2013 11:23

Yes, we had all be drinking until that last pub! Thats why I got cross- we were on a drinking session!

However, lesson learnt, will always ask in future and not assume!!

OP posts:
BigBaubledBertha · 02/01/2013 11:24

YABU - why should she say thank you for something she didn't ask for and didn't want. You shouldn't assume that somebody wants an alcoholic drink. It is up to her if she wants to get drunk or would prefer to drink something else. if it cost a fiver, more fool you for buying it without checking.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 02/01/2013 11:26

If I have a lot to drink I get to the point where I know if I have even one more I will be ill the next day and then I stop.....your mate was being very sensible going onto coffee :)

JeezyOrangePips · 02/01/2013 11:26

If someone bought me something that I hadn't asked for and didn't want I would have no guilt about looking at them quizzically and saying 'I don't want it'.

You are being unreasonable expecting her to say 'thank you' for something she didn't ask you to get. She was probably too bemused to even think of being gracious about it.

Birdsgottafly · 02/01/2013 11:27

The fact that you expect her to pretend to drink it (why would you!) indicates that it may be difficult to refuse alcohol in your circle, unless it is put bluntly, tbh.

JeezyOrangePips · 02/01/2013 11:27

Cross post - I didn't realise she'd been drinking wine all night.

Thats different. YANBU.

I thought you meant she was choosing to be teetotal for a while - not that she's just had enough for the night.

NotGeoffVader · 02/01/2013 11:30

She does sound quite rude but she should have made it clear that she had stopped drinking before you got to the pub.

I've been out with people on a drinking night, had a few and decided to stop. However, I have made this clear by saying "I am not drinking any more. I will only have soft drinks from now on."
On one occasion, someone ignored me and bought me a glass of rum Confused in an attempt to encourage me to get drunk.
I just politely said, "Sorry, but I am not drinking any more. I did tell you before you ordered" and left it on the table.

Birdsgottafly · 02/01/2013 11:31

Perhaps you were cross and speechless because you had, had a lot to drink?

If you were buying rounds then the cost of the drink ment nothing, you must have "owed" her a drink and when she didn't want it, she bought her own.

What's the problem, exactly, all she did was want to round the night off with a non alcoholic drink, to sober up a bit?

WineOhWhy · 02/01/2013 11:32

In circumstances where you had been buying drinks for each other all evening and she had been drinking the same thing and not said she was planning to stop, I dont think UABU. If she had popped out and you had not bought her a drink in those circumstances on the basis that you did not know what she wanted, she could well have been miffed at you.

CometAndCupid · 02/01/2013 11:34

She does sound a bit rude in her refusal but I think YABU a bit.

I really hate it when people buy my drinks without asking. I have a perticular group of friends that are really bad for this and I always end up drinking drinks I don't want just because I don't want to be rude.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 02/01/2013 11:34

Hmm.

I think you were a bit rude, actually. She just said she'd stopped drinking, it's not a major crime to know your limits.

I suppose she could have said 'I think I'll be on coffee next time' when the last round was got, but maybe it hit her as she was walking to the pub.

Proudnscaryvirginmary · 02/01/2013 11:35

Yabu

I'm an old lush (though trying a booze free Jan) but wouldn't think this rude or odd. We all have limits, she'd reached hers. I'd have necked her drink too!

AlienRefluxThanksFuckThatsOver · 02/01/2013 11:36

I think it's petty TBH, don't tell me the wine got chucked? Or did someone just drink, not wasting a fiver at all? Anyway, a coffee would have been at least £3. So what.

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