Sister...

[mrsL1984]

i had a miscarriage at the beginning december which was devastating but im coping with it. and on NYE my sister sent me a text message telling me she is pregnant. she has a 15month old child and neglect her terribly and my sister has terrible social circumtances. i am happy about her being pregnant and its nature and people get pregnant and im not bitter about nature... this was my first new year off work in 6 years and planned on having a good time.... she told me that she had to tell me via text that she was pregnant as her partner had been putting it on fb all day, she she was commenting all the time too. she told everyone else on xmas day she was pregnant. she canonly be between 6-8 weeks. i totally understand why she couldnt tell me as everything is so raw but couldnt she haave had a bit more dignity and respect for me not to read it on fb? receieve a text? or let me enjoy me new year??

and before some of u say no im not jealous, no i am not bitter towards her pregnancy, i feel she has lot more to give the 15month before she has another baby

I'm sorry for your loss but do feel that this may be colouring your interpretation of her clumsy announcement. FB and texting are not appropriate media to announce this to family and close friends.

i just feel that her and her partner could have beena bit more sensitive

I'd agree but in this increasingly techy age some sensitivity has been lost. yanbu to feel hurt but I suspect you would however you had found out.

They are excited about their news. It is unforunate timing from your perspective, however it is their news to share as they see fit.

perhaps. but then its their happy time isnt it? id want the world to know i was pregnant too!

I do see where are coming from-but tbh anything would have hurt.

I think a text is horribly impersonal and imo you should have been told privately & personally-but that can be hard to do.

They have taken the easy way out but being a bit of a coward myself I see why

I'm more concerned you think you sister neglects her 15mo TBH> Why do you think that?

But you are saying two different things - complaining about the way they've shared the news and saying you disapprove of them having another baby as they neglect the first?

I'm very sorry you had a mc but it is almost impossible not to conclude you hurt and jealous by their news. If you admit or explore that it could help you heal.

Ps I hate all the crass announcements etc on the God awful Facebook too but it is their news and their business when and how to share it.

Pps If you really think your niece is being neglected are you or other family members doing anything about it?

She probably sent you a text as it was easier than calling, it was a bit of an easy way out option and as it was on FB she had to tell you, how would you feel if she hadn't told you and you saw in on FB? I don't think you are jealous but maybe more (understandably) sensitive about this news?

As for the neglect concerns, like other responders on here I am wondering what you and your family are doing about it?

Ime people who have never had miscarriages don't know how to be sensitive to people who have. It can hurt a lot especially when it's a family member being like this.

Yanbu about how she shared her news with you though, it was very inappropriate and I'd expect news like this to be shared face to face.

she has been investigated by SS and has to attend group things so they can monitor, she is very blase about the whole thing. the health visitor reported them to SS due to things they did with the baby for example. took her completely off baby milk and solely gave her whole milk. they have been physically and verbally abusive toward each other and have admitted this to the HV. like i said she is very blase about things they do with the baby. the baby never smiles, and is very whiney although she is making all her milestones. he has another child previous relationship that has previously been in injunction against. nobody knows why, or actually i suspect they do but wont let on. she gets very coy and defensive when they are together and very much in 'love' but when it goes tits up she sings like a canary. baby teething really bad and they have took her dummy from her, personally think its cruel. my family including my mother and grandmother are very vocal in what they think and what they say, but my sister is very 'my way or no way' doesnt listen she just thinks she is right. she was the same as a child. she is 23 and still acts like she did when she was 8

oh i forgot to add they took her off milk at 7 months old

If she is under SS eye already then they will carefully monitor the pg and new baby. The milk sounds worrying although I have a friend who did same as formula was expensive and her babies are strapping teens. The rest isn't necessarily specific enough to act upon and does come across as rather judgemental. Babies teething is normal and dummies are not for everyone. Do you have any dc yet ? I fear you may be too vulnerable to be objective.

sorry i not clued up on the abbreviations... whats DC? x

dear children

no no children as of yet, but i have plenty of common sense and know whats right or wrong

Is there any chance that the dummy removal has actually come about because of the parenting course. She may not be handling it well but the intention is probably not to be cruel. The fact she attends and therefore cooperates with hv/ss is good. tbh she is far more likely to absorb information that way, almost in spite of what she says, than from well meaning family and friends, especially if it is put across as "we know best". Whatever relationship issues may exist she will need support more than criticism if things are to improve and when the lo arrives.

she said she couldnt finf any dummies and didnt buy anymore. but her partner is the one pulling the strings, this she admits when they fall out and she gives specific detail in the horrors the pair of them get up to. DV isnt good for anyone to see and im pretty sure it rubs off on children and babies? they threatened to take 15mo off her because of the DV... and now she says SS have no further interest in her? surely SS will always be sitting on the back ground having feedback from HV... it would appear that shes only pulled her socks up because of the threatened removal. which is sad really, shouldnt parents be attentive no matter what nevermind of SS involvment?

of course they should but unfortunately not everyone has the wherewithal or example to enable them to do so , hence the need for parenting courses and hv's. I doubt she is yet off SS books if there is history of DV. If you have renewed concerns speak to them again.

Sounds like she spun you a line about the dummy - bet she heard she should wean her off it at the course. tbh they are not essential to most children and can damage teeth alignment so it may actually have a more positive effect than you seem to imagine.

it will all come out the next time they have a barney .... thanks for listening :) x

I think you're being over sensitive. If you were genuinely happy about her conception you wouldn't be slagging off her circumstances and asking her to 'let you enjoy NYE'.

Surely a genuinely happy person would enjoy NYE more to learn to be expecting a new DN!

I think you should grieve, by all means, but try to learn to be happy for other people and grateful for what you do have.

An fyi... saying 'I'm not jealous' screams jealousy.