aibu? re suicide/attention seeking

[FromParisWithLove]

I work with a man who at the beginning I genuinely liked him, but after 7 years of working with him I've finally seen his true colours.

He craves attention constantly and its so draining.

He will start a conversation with me, such as asking if I had a nice trip to London, to which I'll say "yeah it was great thanks .... " for him to interrupt and starts a 20 minute conversation about his trip.

Another example, he once told everyone in the office that he had a date with a guy who he was chatting to over the internet that evening. The next morning he doesn't turn up for work and doesn't phone in sick.

Cue colleagues ringing and texting him non-stop, and even ringing his mother all thinking he had met some mass murderer. He then strolls in 5 hours late without a care in the world having not returned a single call or text.

I really could go on.

The latest incident has left a rather bitter taste in my mouth.

He had a weekend away recently. It emerged that during this weekend he'd tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building.

I happened to see that he wrote a status on Facebook thanking the police for all their help. Firstly the police are never going to see that status, and of course there were lots of comments asking why.

He has also made it his duty to tell everyone at work that he tried to commit suicide. The way he told me it was like he was telling me what he had for dinner the other night. When I didn't react and told him that I already heard, he carried on talking about it anyway.

He also left voicemails on a few of our colleagues phones saying goodbye.

I have been to that dark place before and I wouldn't have dreamed going around telling people like it was some piece of gossip. I know a very close friend who confided in me that she had considered it before, again she only told people she trusted 100%.

Suicide is such a terrible and devastating thing and wrecks so many lives, that to feel he's used it as an attempt to attention seek makes me so angry!

(Just as a side note his close friends, family and managers know about this and are obviously better suited at dealing with it so if by a small chance it is a cry for help than it's not being ignored)

He would have been sectioned for his own safety until deemed no longer a risk to himself if he had jumped off of a building. The hospital would have got in touch with adult mental health team and assessed him so I would agree that this sounds like a crock of shit from a sad lonely attention seeker.

The worry is just how far he will go to grab the attention he so desperately craves!

"I have been to that dark place before and I wouldn't have dreamed going around telling people like it was some piece of gossip. I know a very close friend who confided in me that she had considered it before, again she only told people she trusted 100%."

That's you and your mate, and how YOU deal with it. Others are more open (like me, and possibly like this guy. or he's making it up. I dunno.). Underneath the "like he was talking about dinner" mask, he could still be in that dark place, or very close. Or the darkness can come and go. He could be shutting down, unable to think about it other than in barest factual terms. You aren't in his head, so you can't know what he's thinking/feeling.

Avoid him, but don't assume that this was just an attention-seaking lie.

Well, there´s only his word that the police were called, isn´t there?

I guess OP is the only one here to be able to judge whether or not that is true.

He would have been sectioned for his own safety until deemed no longer a risk to himself if he had jumped off of a building. The hospital would have got in touch with adult mental health team and assessed him so I would agree that this sounds like a crock of shit from a sad lonely attention seeker.

You can "be assessed" within a police station, then taken to a daycentre/hospital to have a chat with a doctor and then allowed back home.

Suicide attempts don't always need a hospital admission, if the person is compliant, as he must have been to be talked down.

Also, for a 'jumper' the fire service would have been called as standard

He would have been sectioned for his own safety until deemed no longer a risk to himself if he had jumped off of a building. The hospital would have got in touch with adult mental health team and assessed him so I would agree that this sounds like a crock of shit from a sad lonely attention seeker.

Sadly not , my dss took a overdose a few months ago, he is already under the mental health team after having a break down las feb, a friend found him after he had taken some tablets, he was taken to hospital, stayed a few hours until he had recovered and was then sent home (was not sectioned even though he was a risk to himself and others). Mental health services are not that great and sadly a lot of people go on to kill themselves .

As this person is a work colleague, not actually a personal friend or someone who you have chosen to spend time with, support, become emotionally involved in, I think there is too much pressure on you.

You should not be subject to this during work. Your employers should protect you from this kind of stress by speaking to your colleague and explaining that it is unprofessional and unacceptable.

They should also be aware so that they can offer him more appropriate support, such as a team leader or manager to talk to when he feels depressed. They might also want to assess whether he is fit for work in his current state or whether he might benefit from any medical support they can offer such as cbt or other counselling.

wanting to commit suicide can be an impulse, an urge that turns up uninvited and which is increasingly difficult to resist. if he's one of the people who suffers from this, without intervention he will get there in the end.

I don't think the people who use suicide attempts or threats for attention, and people who actually intend to or eventually do it, are necessarily two separate groups

but I agree that all this is too much for you at work. You can't really help him, in one way giving it the attention is feeding into it, in another way he's craving contact/attention but at the moment can't gain it in a normal healthy way.. either way you can't win and you aren't responsible for him.

I wqould also advise having a chat with a manager or HR department. You (and your colleagues) are not responsible for this man's mental health (whether he is depressed and suicidal or just a whiny attention-seeking PITA) and you shouldn't have to put up with his drama-llama behaviour when you're trying to work. He needs either to be sent on sick leave till his MH issues are better, or to be told firmly to keep his personal life out of the workplace.

Agree with what others have said. People who are depressed and fully intend to end their lives do not tend to chat casually about it. However impulsive individuals like your friend are unfortunately at risk of accidentally ending their lives. His behavior is typical of someone with emotionally unstable personality traits. His behavior is manipulative and he encourages others to feel responsible for his safety by telling shocking stories and disappearing. You may find that you and your colleagues need to establish firm boundaries with him. People like this often benefit from psychotherapy if their problems are affecting work and relationships.

He sounds lonely.

A lady I manage at work has made several suicide attempts. Your comment about talking about it as if your colleague is discussing what he had for dinner is exactly how she is, and she has told many of our colleagues of the attempts and her self harm. I know that it is all true as I had to accompany to hospital after the last attempt and clear the razor blades from her desk pedestal the next day. Leaving her on the psychiatric ward was horrific - she was released under outpatient care and the home visit system 24 hours later. She has now been diagnosed as suffering with bipolar disorder so is getting appropriate help.

Six months ago of of said that your colleague sounded like he was simply seeking attention but this recent experience of MH issues makes me think this man may really need help and support. Not everyone keeps three issues secret - in fact I now know many people who suffer with bipolar do tend to talk about it.

Apologies for typos.

He didn't jump off the building. He climbed up to the top and rang the police and waited for them to get there.

(Also he told people at work that his mum had cancer and friends close to him have said it's lies. Even his brother left a comment on Facebook about it and how he was sick for making it up. The comment since got deleted)

I can't say for definite that what he said there is a lie, but if your own brother is saying it is then ...

Also I did mention in my OP that managers/close friends and family know. Even though I believe him to be attention seeking it wouldn't sit right with me to just ignore it.

(Also whoever said I need to say empathy to my female, please you have no idea what you are talking about, I have not gone into detail about her on purpose)

OP you obviously don't like this colleague so for his sake and yours please just avoid him.

From the point of view of this amateur psychiatrist... attention seeking drama lamas tend to have a personality disorder.

I've known 3 people behave like this unfortunately
1 only ever did stagey public attempts
1 did mostly stagey attention/revenge seeking attempts, but mostly threats, then one serious attempt (but survived)
1 did the threats/attention attempts for years and years then when noone was taking them seriously any more, snuck off and quietly did it sucessfully

the second two I know had BPD, which included using suicide threats in argeuments to get at people, I don't know about the first I just know she's still alive.

threatening/staging suicide attempts for attention isn't normal and indicates serious mental health problems, even if the attempts aren't serious at that time. I don't think using phrases like "drama llama" are appropriate! The man has mental health problems of some sort at the moment, whether that includes serious intention of ending his life or not!

Yes, but it shouldn't be the OP's problem or responsibility. She hasn't mentioned anything to the effect that she works in MH care. She is not this man's mother or carer or anything. She doesn't owe him anything more than common courtesy, and she and her coworkers have the right, surely, to get on with their work without having to deal with his issues when they are neither trained to do so, nor under any obligation to even like the man.

"Yes, but it shouldn't be the OP's problem or responsibility"
I said as much in my first post
I was objecting to the use (by more than one person) of the phrase "drama llama" on this thread in relation to someone who has obvious mental health problems

I was told to reconsider attention seekers as attention needers.

He sounds lonely and desperate.

And does he have issues with his sexuality? Are his family accepting of it? Does it conflict with his religion?

In general suicide talk is a cry for help. On occasions the police may temporarily section someone.

Last suicide report I saw said there are over 4,000 in this country per year.
Main age group was suprisingly men between 35 and 45

The Samaritans do good work in this field