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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think it can sometimes be a good idea to get back with an ex?

15 replies

MaggieMayRose · 02/01/2013 03:13

Obviously if the ex cheated/lied/was abusive then it's never a good idea.

Relationships break down for all sorts of reasons. I have one ex who I would gladly get back with and so many I wouldn't.

I noticed whilst browsing Facebook on my newsfeed that two girls I know are back with their exs. One posted a photo of the dinner their boyfriend cooked and the other about how many days it is until their holiday.

I have a thought that through every break up you learn why and learn about yourself (what perhaps you were doing wrong in the relationship). If you both learn from your mistakes then it is possible to fall back in love and be happy with each other.

However some people would never go back, and would state "an ex is an ex for a reason".

OP posts:

MalibuStac · 02/01/2013 03:18

As you say depends on the circumstances. If for example the couple split through being too young and got back together there's no reason why they shouldn't.

Original poster

MaggieMayRose · 02/01/2013 03:20

The ex I would get with we broke up because of long distance (10 hour flight away)

There was a distant lack of communication too.

I would definitely give things another go though.

OP posts:

peaceandlovebunny · 02/01/2013 03:21

elizabeth taylor seemed to think so.

GlitterySkulls · 02/01/2013 03:29

DH was an ex :)

we split up due to me discovering he was 18 (friends led me to believe he was 15) and him discovering i was 14 (friends led him to believe i was 17)... (all very innocent, may i add, winching, nothing more) & we got back together on my 19th birthday...

as you said, it's all down to individual circumstances.

Moominsarescary · 02/01/2013 03:30

It didn't work for me, however my dsis got back with an ex they split up due to their age at the time. They are now married, have a child and are very happy.

MalibuStac · 02/01/2013 03:33

Maggie have you thought of contacting him?

Original poster

MaggieMayRose · 02/01/2013 03:46

No Malibu

He was the one that ended it.

The last 2 weeks of our relationship I spent trying to contact him. (Knew it was probably over but didn't want to just completely give up), he finally answered the phone said "I have nothing to say, it's over" and hung up.

OP posts:

lurkedtoolong · 02/01/2013 09:31

Also depends how long the split is for and where in comes in their lufe and relationship. I have friends who split up for a while at university, both saw other people but got back together within a few months. About to celebrate 10th Wedding anniversary, have two wonderful DCs and are the best suited couple ever but probably needed that six/seven month break to know that they were right for each other, even though they had been together from the age of 18.

lurkedtoolong · 02/01/2013 09:32

Life not lufe.

roughtyping · 02/01/2013 09:38

My OH was an ex. We're getting married in August :)

SarahWarahWoo · 02/01/2013 11:37

I married my ex last June and we are both grateful that we tried again, I nearly didn't agree to meet up with him again but soooo glad I did. Fou us it was a case right person, wrong time and the year that we wernt together sorted us out.

HollyBerryBush · 02/01/2013 11:40

Sometimes you just aren't mature enough for a relationship when you meet, when you meet again there is 'unfinished business' and it can be rekindled.

Although, I can't say there is anyone in my past I hold a torch for!

SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh · 02/01/2013 12:31

Just like every other set of circumstances, sometimes it will work and sometimes it won't. If you dumped someone for drug addiction, for example, and s/he is now several years clean and sober, things might work out. Or if one partner had an affair and now understands why the other was so hurt and wants to try again (if a decent length of time has elapsed). Or if work/living circumstances meant you had to split up but now they've changed.

It's worth giving it a go unless it's obvious that negative attributes in the person are still there.

glastocat · 02/01/2013 12:37

I met my husband when I was 22, and two years later he dumped me. I was heartbroken, but dragged myself out and dated a string of wildly unsuitable and rich men. I also kept shagging my ex. After six months he begged for a second chance so we got back together. We celebrated our 16th wedding anniversary last month. So yes, it can work.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 02/01/2013 12:52

Distinct lack of communication would worry me tbh. Yes you may have grown up and matured and feel better able to handle things but has your ex? Some couples are fundamentally mismatched, never quite on the same page. I am not saying you can never get back with an ex and make it work but nostalgia can make you forget or ignore obstacles. Time doesn't stand still, whatever went on in intervening years shapes us. If you find yourself chasing and it's pretty one sided I'd be a bit wary of how hopeful things were. A 10hour flight gap might be a blessing.

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