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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask who was right in this argument?

23 replies

MaggieMayRose · 02/01/2013 00:32

So I missed my train home, and had to wait over an hour for the next one. Bought a coffee at the station and sat reading my book.

Couple sits on table next to me (very close tables, so they were practically sitting right next to me)

The man started asking the woman about her new relationship and she began telling him how good everything was. (It was made kind of obvious at that point that used to be a couple)

He then asks her if it would be ok with her if he could ask her friend out on a date.

The woman can't remember what she said, but was obviously not happy about him doing this.

He said that he thought it would be ok, seeing as she's moved on and now with someone and that they were never getting back together as it just didn't work.

She ended the conversation saying that it wasn't a serious relationship yet etc.

He ended it with, thought it was getting serious, but ok I won't ask Kelly out.

Cue rather awkward silence.

(the guy was HOT, but felt inappropriate even though he was obviously single to leant over and given him my number and mouthed "call me" haha)

Now I know I shouldn't be nosy but I was practically sat with them and was just reading and not chatting to someone else so it was kind of hard not to overhear and I was slightly bored.

But who was right?

They've broken up but the fact that they met for coffee suggests that it wasn't a bad break up and they could still be friends.

Would you be ok with an ex who you're friends with dating one of your girlfriends? Or should he not even have considered it?

I never did find out the outcome!

OP posts:

Beaverfeaver · 02/01/2013 00:34

I think if the break was amicable and are still friendly and terr are no existing feelings that can co fuse the matter then it would be fine by me

WorraLorraTurkey · 02/01/2013 00:35

Oh who cares

He was probably trying to make her jealous to see how she'd react

Anyway the real decision would be down to Kelly.

nancy75 · 02/01/2013 00:36

It sounds like she was hedging her bets, making sure that the new man worked out ok before totally giving up on the ex.

Original poster

MaggieMayRose · 02/01/2013 00:37

Now to me it sounded very much like she wanted to get back with him.

Poor Kelly, he might have been the love of her life.

OP posts:

Meow75isknittinglikemad · 02/01/2013 00:38

She wants to eat her cake and eat it.

OR ... he ended their relationship and even though she's clearly dating again, she's not over him. If that's the case, he was very fucking mean!!!!

You need to miss the train more often and try to see them again - or at least him - I bet he'd tell you, rather than her!!!

ChristmasNamechangeBridezilla · 02/01/2013 00:41

I would never touch an ex's friend and would not expect it done to me by the ex or the friend for that matter. You just don't do that!

The knob! And that fucking Kelly!

Original poster

MaggieMayRose · 02/01/2013 00:42

Definitely the second one Meow

He was hot, but he did annoy me because when they sat down and took the drinks off the tray he then put the tray on MY table.

Erm ... I might be sat by myself but come on!

OP posts:

fuzzywuzzy · 02/01/2013 00:45

He was trying to make her jealous. If he really wanted to date Kelly he wouldn't have asked an ex permission first.

She's still into him & was trying to make him jealous by going on about her new man.

You really should have handed him your number & made an exaggerated call me sign & winked at him as you sashayed off to catch your train... That would have been funneeee

ILikeWhisperingToo · 02/01/2013 00:49

That's why she left him, right there - entitled bastard. Who moves their tray to a table where someone is sitting

The woman and Kelly might be close in which case its weird imo.

ChristmasNamechangeBridezilla · 02/01/2013 00:54

He and Kelly are blatantly already sleeping together.

But he was trying to make her jealous. And she him. And they were out for coffee together so

bluebiscuit · 02/01/2013 00:57

I think it is weird to have your ex going out with one of your friends.

It's not that the ex and the friend are not free to do that, of course they can if they wish. However, if they do, they should not expect to be friends with the person who was in the relationship previously. Nothing to do with being over someone, more to do with it being a bit gross and weird - 2 friends having shagged/shared a life with same man.

Imabadmum · 02/01/2013 01:05

Depends whether they have children together I think. And Kelly might be the woman's closest oldest friend, since nursery school. Could have been her maid of honour at their wedding. In which case it's weird.

However if the woman and Kelly used to work together, we're friendly once but dont really see each other these days, then that would be ok.

Need more detail OP please, lol.

Original poster

MaggieMayRose · 02/01/2013 01:07

Oh I know Imabadmum I really should have "missed" my next train.

They were quite a young couple (mid 20s), I definitely didn't get the impression that they had been married.

I do know that her current relationship hasn't been put on Facebook yet so you know therefore it's not official.

OP posts:

EllenParsons · 02/01/2013 01:08

I dated a friend's ex and didn't really see it as a problem, as she was the one who broke up with him and was happy in a new relationship. She was still annoyed at me about it though. I think she was U and the girl in this couple is U. You can't own people and when they are single they can date who they want!

Original poster

MaggieMayRose · 02/01/2013 01:13

Now that was point Ellen who was the one who was being unreasonable?

Him considering dating her friend?

Or her for not letting him even though she's in a new relationship?

I do give him brownie points for asking her before he asked Kelly though.

OP posts:

Booyhoo · 02/01/2013 01:18

my sister dated a boy when she was 17. they did nothing but kiss and it ended after 2 months, (very giggly teen thing). 5 years later, my sister having moved to australia and not seen this (now) man for years, I bumped into him in a local pub and we got chatting and ended up having a 2 month fling. dsis found out and went apeshit on me and forbade me from seeing him again. so sorry OP no help to you as i am clearly terrible at knowing when's a good time to date someone's ex.

TheSloppelganger · 02/01/2013 06:06

She was probably BU.

I find it a bit weird that some people think they can dictate who people around them can and can't date. No right at all to instruct an ex on who he can or can't date, and no right to tell a friend either.

Though at least with a friend you can hope they will have the courtesy to not pounce on the guy you're still crying into your ice cream over (which would be shitty of them, and the one time exes should be off-limits is when things are still raw) though if you need to tell them to keep their hands off a man they know you're not over then they probably aren't much of a friend.

Sounds like the girl doing the dictating has moved on just fine though with her new relationship (even if not FB official) so that probably doesn't apply.

(He doesn't sound like much of a catch though, with his rude tray plopping )

SillyBeardyDaddyman · 02/01/2013 06:56

She is the dog in the manger from Aesop's fables. She doesn't want him, but she doesn't want anyone else to have him. And how did we manage to have a proper relationship before Facebook? Not official? Bitch.

He's a knob. Why try and work your way through a circle of friends? He's effectively just come out and told his ex that he's been lusting after her mate all the time they've know each other! What a cock.

They sound perfect for each other and should get back together immediately.

GailTheGoldfish · 02/01/2013 07:28

After you break up with someone you do not have the right to say who they can date so she was BU. But putting the tray on your table was rude so even if he is fit he doesn't appear to have manners!

MikeOxardInTheSnow · 02/01/2013 11:42

They are both knobs for acting like she owns him. They broke up, it's none of her business who he goes out with. I agree he was trying to make her jealous, and if he actually wanted to ask Kelly out he would have done so without asking. She was on about her new bf to try to make him jealous as well, and it worked. In conclusion, they are a right pair of tits and deserve each other. They should get back together to save anyone else suffering them.

OrangeLily · 02/01/2013 11:52

At least she was honest and said she wasn't happy.

This is how I ended up with DH but friend said OK before we went out on any kind of date (then changed her mind afterwards but it was too late by then. )

Birdsgottafly · 02/01/2013 12:03

I can understand someone getting with a friends ex if there was a real attraction, emotionally and physically, but he quickly said that he wouldn't ask Kelly out, if the ex GF objected. Under those circumstances, he shouldn't be asking her out, as it isn't that important to him.

If Kelly is just someone who he fancies shagging, then i imagine the ex wouldn't want her friend treated like that and you wouldn't do that out of respect for your friendship group.

I think that you should try to make the first person you sleep with, one that is outside of friends or family.

BalloonSlayer · 02/01/2013 12:34

He said that he thought it would be ok, seeing as she's moved on and now with someone and that they were never getting back together as it just didn't work.

She ended the conversation saying that it wasn't a serious relationship yet etc.

To me that translates as

He - You are shagging someone else now and you and I won't be getting back together anyway.

She - Well I might dump him so you and I might get back together.

Gives me the creeps. Hope he hasn't got a rabbit.

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