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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask just how much of a change going from 2 to 3 children is?

95 replies

octaviarose · 01/01/2013 20:20

Just that really how much of change was it for you and do you find life with a family of five harder than a family of four? How do you find time for everyone?

OP posts:
Queenmarigold · 01/01/2013 20:22

I don't know but I'm about to go from 1 to 3!! I figure it can't be as hard as the first time and they'll just man up and be tougher and more flexible. Eventually!

foreverondiet · 01/01/2013 20:25

Depends on the ages of the other children? For me it was much harder in some ways that the first time (ie finding time for everyone) but much easier in others (as I was much more confident with a newborn etc). If you can afford it, help at bedtime in early weeks def worth it.

I had DD aged 6.5 and DS aged 4, and it was really hard to go back to the baby stage again esp when DD and DS played together nicely. Its very hard to find time for everyone, still finding that, and DS2 is now almost 3.

mamasmissionimpossible · 01/01/2013 20:30

People who say it's not that much harder with 3, obviously haven't actually tried it ;) I found it very hard dividing my time between three dc. Maybe I'm just not that flexible. They all seem to demand at the same time. Mealtimes are a nightmare! That said I love my 3 and wouldn't change it. They are 7, 5 and 10 months. I think a larger gap helped, even though the sleepless nights were a killer with 2 other dc to take care of in the day.

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 01/01/2013 20:34

I found it far easier going from 2 to 3 than from 1 to 2.

MogTheForgetfulCat · 01/01/2013 20:36

Quite easy at first, as DC3 was a lovely easy baby, but harder once DC3 was on the move and starting to have his own opinions!

Age gaps are 2 years between DC1 and DC2, then 3 years until DC3 which made it easier at first, but sometimes harder now to keep them all happy (they are 7, 5 and 2).

I find that 3 sometimes feels like a lot of children, am in awe of people with more, and am not having any more! But I absolutely love having 3, and the older 2 both adore DC3 Smile

gordyslovesheep · 01/01/2013 20:36

I find 3 much easier than two - only down side was having to sell my Mini ...and loosing my husband

I miss the mini more

gordyslovesheep · 01/01/2013 20:36

oh yes mine are 10, 8 and 4

cutegorilla · 01/01/2013 20:47

I found it was a lot more extra work than I had expected it to be. I am now really busy. I thought I was before with 2 but now I realise I wasn't really! I do love it though and I'm very happy we had him. I used to think I wanted 4 but now I know I don't!

cutegorilla · 01/01/2013 20:48

Oh and mine are 9, 5 and 18 months.

SminkoPinko · 01/01/2013 20:50

It depends on your current family set up really and on everyone's life stages/development/personality/emotional/financial well-being. It feels like our 3rd child (now 3) has rampaged like an amazing, beautiful, destructive tornado through our previously fairly settled, peaceful family life. She has changed absolutely everything profoundly. But then everything would have changed hugely in those 3 years anyway, I think. Our elder children are now teenagers and one in particular is worrying us a lot. He's unsettled and increasingly getting into quite serious trouble. My partner is struggling with depression. Our parents are getting older and that bit frailer. So thank goodness we had our cheeky little whirlwind to keep us distracted and busy and laughing.

Mam23 · 01/01/2013 20:55

It was a far bigger jump than I ever expected. Mine are 7,6,3yrs. Wouldn't be without my littlest DC for the world but life was most definitely much easier to cope with when we had 2.

There are also practical annoyances with 3 - 3 car seats don't go across a great many 'family' cars, hotel rooms and holiday apartments aren't geared up for letting you have 3 kids with 2 adults etc. not a reason not to have 3 but infinitely annoying.

twooter · 01/01/2013 20:59

I would agree that it's the practical things that are the biggest changes. Cars, hotels, restaurant tables, theme park rides etc are all a lot simpler with two kids. Where I live, it is also practically impossible to get a 4 bedroom house with all bedrooms on the same floor for some reason.

Definitely wouldn't be without dc3 though - she is gorgeous and cute, and both the others adore her.

BadRoly · 01/01/2013 21:06

I also found 2-3 easier than 1-2 but had a bigger age gap 2-3 which I think helped a lot.

How do I find time for them all? Well dc1 will tell you that she doesn't get much time with me, as wil dc2. Dc3 is a real attention seeker and dc4 is still at home every afternoon.

I struggle during term time as dh works away but really try to make an effort at weekends and school holidays to do things with just one or 2 dc. So in Feb half term I am taking dc1&2 to London for a night to visit friends and see a show.

It's not perfect or ideal but I do find that making a conscious effort to do something special with the older ones (shopping trip, cinema, making stuff) stops my guilt a little Wink

eightytwenty · 01/01/2013 21:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BadRoly · 01/01/2013 21:07

Oh and mine are now 11, 9, 6 and 3 so well past the baby stage Grin

Moiraine · 01/01/2013 21:07

Think I may have started a thread like this a few years ago. Some people said 'it was easier going from 1 to 2 than 2 to 3', and then others said the complete opposite; 'oh it was much easier going from 2 to 3, the third one just had to fit in'.
One person irl told me she actually found it easier having 3 than 2. Subsequently (when I was talking about how hard we were finding things with 3), she said it was only because she'd given up (and no longer had the same standards once she had the third).
Still, it can't have been that hard, what with me now being pg with dc4...

skatebauble · 01/01/2013 21:12

I found and continue to find it hard. Not in getting out and about as i thought i might but in having enough time for each of them, for dh and for myself.
The relationship between dh and i has suffered quite a bit since dc3 arrived.
I was a much better mum to 2 than now i have 3. It saddens me to write that but i know that it is true. I am working on being a better mum.
Also the personalities / behaviour has an.impact too.
Mine are 7, 5 & 2.

mercibucket · 01/01/2013 21:12

i found it a breeze tbh, barely noticed. perhaps i'd also given up by then!
it's the practical things that are hardest eg hotel rooms, cars, and sometimes money eg 3 activities to pay for, 5 holiday flights etc
age gap 17 months then 3 years

cutegorilla · 01/01/2013 21:13

It feels like our 3rd child (now 3) has rampaged like an amazing, beautiful, destructive tornado through our previously fairly settled, peaceful family life.

Ha ha ha just read that out to DH. DC3 (only 18 months yet) is definitely a wonderful little tornado Grin!

5dcsandallthelittlesantahats · 01/01/2013 21:16

I found going from 1 to 2 really hard and ended up with PND. I have not had any problems with any other transition (2-3 etc) I have NO idea why I found that particular change any more difficult because in terms on my life at the time it was pretty easy to look at from the outside but I struggled like no ones business. Yet all the other babies have fit in no trouble at all Confused and I have never had PND again.

I would be lying if I said you find the exact same amount of one to one time for 3 as you do for 2 of course you dont but things change and your time is different somehow plus they have more siblings to spend time with so its one for the other really.

NonnoMum · 01/01/2013 21:16

My mum said today (unprovoked) that going from 2 to 3 increases the workload by about 25 times...

Just thought I'd share...

Avuncular · 01/01/2013 21:18

The big changes are from 0 to 1, and 2 to 3.

When you have two there is one each to put in the car, etc etc. When you have 3 you are always 'juggling'.

After 3 we had a long gap and debated before a definite decision on no 4 (who is still at Uni now) .... by that time there was a long enough gap for the older two to learn some 'parenting skills' which are now standing them in good stead looking after our 4 DGCs.

No regrets

BigShinyBaubles · 01/01/2013 21:22

I found it a complete doddle going from 2 to 3. My youngest ds was the easiest most placid baby Id ever met!
I found the day to day mummy duties no different really, maybe because my boys ages are pretty well spread out, 13, 10 and 7.
I get annoyed when resturants have loads of 4 seater tables and not many 'big family' tables. Days out get expensive, fair enough theres the standard family of four ticket but why cant companies do a deal so the next child goes half price or reduced full fare?

Original poster
octaviarose · 01/01/2013 21:23

Thanks for your honesty everyone!

OP posts:
CaseyShraeger · 01/01/2013 21:24

It's a lot more work, and I do feel that DC2 in particular is missing out on attention. I wouldn't change DC3 for he world but I do often think that I'd be doing a better job of the whole parenting lark if we'd stuck at two. I tell myself that it may get easier when they're a bit older, though (nearly 8 / nearly 5 / nearly 2 here).