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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

feline predicament ???? advise needed

51 replies

pugsmum · 01/01/2013 19:20

We have had our cat for around 6 months , and got him when he was around 2 months old ..
Ds is 2 yrs and very boisterous with the cat he loves it to bits but obviously being 2 isnt very carful with it not spiteful but quite rough !
Today the cat bit/scratched him on the lip not sure exactly which as they were in the kitchen while I was the living room .
It was bleeding quite badly but only a small cut have had it checked out ?
But what I would like advise on is weather it is necessary to get rid of the cat ,
My immediate reaction was to get rid of him but then at the nurse said not to be silly because these things happen .
I am now unsure of what is best obviously I do not want to get rid of our cat he is lovley but ds does antagonise him , but do not want to risk ds getting hurt again ..
Am I over reacting by thinking of finding him a new child free home or is that the best thing to do

Advise please what would you do ??????

OP posts:
SarahWarahWoo · 01/01/2013 19:54

I have a cat that arrived on the day that I conceived my baby! After a year of trying (to get pregnant) i got a pet to love rather than drive myself mad about not being pregnant, anyhow I now have a cat which I have really mothered and spoilt plus the baby, I nearly rehomed cat, I think the cat probably considered leaving home but it is all going ok. I would never never ever leave them alone though, when I go to the bathroom either baby or cat comes with me.

I have gently discouraged the cat from being close to baby, he is a big cat, would have been heavier than her initially, used bribery, cat treats to get him away from baby, it has worked so far. Cat won't go near any of her gear either, then if I take a blanket off sofa he will jump straight onto said sofa, almost like he is waiting his turn (he treats my knee the same) I think you need to discourage your cat away from your DS then when he is older they can bond, you can get him to stroke cat etc with you watching over. The cut on lip could have been so much worse OP and it wouldn't have been either the cat or DS's fault.

cozietoesie · 01/01/2013 19:55

I was only surmising, Rhubarb - given the day.

thegreylady · 01/01/2013 19:58

Watch them when they are together,make sure cat always has an escape route or safe place to go to and never leave them unsupervised.
Your ds needs to be taught to be very very gentle with the cat.He was almost certainly being a bit rough or trying to pick it up.
Neither cat nor child at fault here.

DozyDuck · 01/01/2013 20:02

I keep DS (ASD) away from my cats. I'd never get rid, once I did consider (at a more violent stage of his condition) for their own safety Sad but I now keep them completely apart.

JamieandtheMagiTorch · 01/01/2013 20:03

IME

Some cats don't really like small children, even if they aren't rough with them. Small children are noisy, unpredictable and smelly.

As Sarah says, they can bond later.

Try and give the cat lots of attention too, so it doesn't get insecure and anxious - sounds funny but I think my cat suffered quite a lot when the DCs were born, and became quite disruptive - scratching, running around like a loon, spraying.

Northernlebkuchen · 01/01/2013 20:21

Jesus wept....

Actually YES do rehome the cat because you clearly aren't a suitable owner for him Hmm

timidviper · 01/01/2013 20:25

How about teaching your child how to behave with the cat? Or are you planning to be one of those parents whose little darlings can do whatever they want and expect everyone and everything else to accomodate them?

At some point you will have to teach your toddler how to behave with other children, traffic, etc. Why not start now by teaching him to leave the poor cat alone.

Original poster
pugsmum · 01/01/2013 20:38

well a very Unanimous verdict and much as i expected and delighted i must say .. was blinded by the situation and fear of having to loose our cat ...... i agree with most comments .. some quite judgemental and will definatly try to keep them apart and teach him how to be gentler .

Tips on how to get him to understand how to play nicely with the kitty would be great as i feel this is where i am struggling with the situation .

And margy massively slightly unnecessary we love our cat dearly and would never want to willingly send him to a BETTER home however ds safety is my priortiy and also the wellbeing of our cat will do whatever is best for a safe and happy household

OP posts:
NotAChocolateRaisin · 01/01/2013 20:42

That's how children learn. Small scratch is no bother. A bit Hmm about why DS was alone but he'll now know not to play rough with kitty.

Agree also with whomever said earlier that perhaps you should not be rehousing cat because it scratched your unsupervised son but because your immediate reaction was to get rid.

Original poster
pugsmum · 01/01/2013 20:44

sorry northern .... what exactly is that based on ?

OP posts:
Pinot · 01/01/2013 20:46

Please protect the kitten from your "boisterous" son :(

gordyslovesheep · 01/01/2013 20:48

Pugsmum did you take your child to A+E for a cat scratch I am dying to know!

MissBeehivingUnderTheMistletoe · 01/01/2013 20:54

When your son goes to touch the cat, show him how to stroke her nicely and encourage that behaviour. Don't let him pick her up or yank her around. If either of mine did this with our cats I would tell them that they were hurting the cats and to stop it and if they continued they would be put into time out.

Make sure that she can get away to a "safe" place, out of reach.

JamieandtheMagiTorch · 01/01/2013 21:01

I would sit beside him and show him how to stroke her.

If he is able to copy you, praise him.

If he (Ds) is rough move him away and ignore him for a bit.

But if the cat is giving off I Hate CHildren vibes then give it a break and don't encourage your son to touch him at all. Best that the cat feels it can escape/ be alone.

ComposHat · 01/01/2013 21:02

Cats are not toys and the fact you've allowed him to become boisterous with the cat has caused this situation to emerge. the cat was probably frightened by a marauding toddler and lashed out as any cat would. If as kids the cat scratched us, our parents wouldn't start talking about getting rid of the cat, we would be told it served us right for mithering the cat in the first place.

your son needs to be taught how to interact with the cat and supervised when playing with him.

The problem is with the untrained child not the cat.

chickchickchickenkeeper · 01/01/2013 21:18

Babygate a kid free area for the cat.. Poor thing

Rhubarbgarden · 01/01/2013 21:38

Constant reinforcing of the message "Gentle with the cat!", showing him how and praising him when he does. I also find it's helpful to turn it round and say "Now you wouldn't like it if someone poked you like that would you?"

Exactly the same as training them to be gentle with babies, as others have said.

Naysa · 01/01/2013 21:44

I feel bad for the cat Sad

You should never leave animals and children alone. Even if you think the child/animal is trust worthy.

This is your fault so I don't know why you would punish the cat for defending itself Hmm

Imagine if it was your child's eye that got scratched. Wouldn't be the cat's fault if your child went blind.

I agree with the poster who said you are an irresponsible owner.
A responsible owner will not leave a pet in a position where they feel they need to defend themselves. Nor would a responsible owner allow a child/person to be injured by their pet Angry

Northernlebkuchen · 01/01/2013 21:49

OP - based on the fact you appear to have taken on a cat with no thought as to how this ANIMAL would be treated by your family and you've allowed your son to be rough with him (which by the way could have seriously physically hurt your cat) then when the animal inevitably lashed out your thought is that the cat is a danger to your son. In fact you and your family are a danger to this cat. Please find him a proper home with people who understand cats.

Samvet · 01/01/2013 21:51

I have a 2 year old and 2 cats - it is possible to teach a very young child to be gentle with animals. You show them how to stroke gently and at the hint of roughness/aggression I remove DS and say clearly 'no, we are gentle with the cats'. Consistency and never ever ever letting him get away with being rough/hitting etc, even in fun/toddlerness. He is now very gentle with the cat who he can get close enough to to touch (the other has more sense and runs off) Agree with poster saying create a 'toddler free area' for cat. We have a utility with a stair gate so if he is hanging around the cat too much or getting a bit loud I put the cat in there for a break and both cats know they can escape in there.

Rhubarbgarden · 01/01/2013 22:10

I have also made it a rule that the dcs are not allowed to touch the cats when the cats are in their beds or eating. The cats need to know that their sleeping places are safe and that they can eat in peace. And I taught dd early on how to put the kibbles in the cat bowls - I think it helped her to understand about caring, and to see the cats as living things instead of toys.

ladymariner · 01/01/2013 22:24

I'm shocked that you seem quite accepting of the fact that your ds is, in your words, rough with the cat.....that's appalling. No wonder the cat lashed out, and I think you should be grateful that neither it or your ds was seriously hurt.

You need to start for scratch (no pun intended!) and show your ds how to behave around the cat. Show him how to stroke the cat gently, teach him the warning signs eg if the tail starts swishing, and above all, supervise your ds!! samvet said it much better tbh, read her post.....

cozietoesie · 02/01/2013 06:29

Actually, pugsmum has no idea whether the cat actually scratched him or not. I'm sure that most of us could think of any number of ways a 2 year old could scratch/cut themselves while left unsupervised in a kitchen.

MammaTJ · 02/01/2013 09:06

Watch out for swelling of the lymph nodes over the next few days. cat scratch disease is not pleasant but easily treated.

worldgonecrazy · 02/01/2013 09:19

We tried to teach our daughter (just turned 3) to only stroke the cats with one hand so she is less likely to hurt them. We have two cats, one very nervy and liable to lash out, and one who has the patience of a saint. It took a while but she knows to stay away from the nervy one, though sometimes she lets her wants get in the way and ends up with a nip or scratch. The other one gets carried all over the house as I taught her how to pick him up properly. I would never leave her alone with the nervy cat - despite all the warning nips and scratches she has not learned to treat her with respect.