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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think £25 for babysitting 3 children until 3am on New Years Day is disgustingly stingy.

240 replies

TaggieCampbellBlack · 01/01/2013 16:03

DD and her friend. Both 14.
Parents said they'd be back shortly after midnight. Finally rolled in at 3am.

DD and friend slept over but were expecting them home before 3.

Stingy bastards handed over £25 this morning.

Angry

And also more than a little surprised. That isn't the done thing really is it? Getting in 3 hours late.

OP posts:
DrCoconut · 01/01/2013 20:46

I used to get £20 for a normal night's babysitting for 2 kids when I was 18 (so it was 1995). £25 for NYE is probably low, or else I was very well paid!

mathanxiety · 01/01/2013 20:49

A course of ABS is ten days normally. If your family has ear infections frequently then you are looking at weeks on end without getting out.

'Puking or shitting all over the place' is a bit of an exaggeration -- babies and toddlers wear nappies, which need changing. Small children who are just out of nappies sometimes have an accident. Small children sometimes develop a high temp or need some of their average ten day course of ABs administered in the evening before bed, which would happen if they were with a CM or in a nursery too, or with an au pair or nanny. I don't know anyone who can take ten days off just because their child has to take ABs, and that would be a ridiculous peoposition if your family was large and prone to ear infections.

Where babysitting is concerned, an ear infection that is being treated with ABs is very unlikely to cause any problems on day 4 or 5 or 6 of treatment and the DC who has it will probably be feeling quite well. Normal common or garden illnesses, the kind that afflict babies and small children regularly, are predictable and treatable and generally have no side effects, and with a competent babysitter who maintains order and is caring and kind, a child will be fine if parents are out for the evening.

Again, having a larger than average family can change your perspective, and give you an actual need to get out or it can all get very wearing. A refreshed mum who has had the chance to get out to her book group or a dad who gets out with his bowling team weekly will possibly have more energy to tackle family ups and downs for the next week. And the children themselves are often able to feel more secure in their large group than one or two children might be.

Apart from that one large family, my DDs generally babysit for families that have at most 3 children, and report that the smaller-family children are sometimes a bit more demanding/less well able to play together without squabbling, less well able to do things like bringing their plates to the dishwasher and co-operate with picking up toys, less aware of where things like more loo roll might be stored if they run out, or (memorably) where the plunger might be, and far more dependent on a long and complicated bedtime routine to get them to bed.

Flow, If you can afford to go out for a night and presumably spend a bit on yourself then you should be able to afford a fair amount for care for your children when you do so. Otherwise you need to rethink your budget for going out.

It's a pity to tar all teens with the same brush Nancy. You have encountered some spectacularly poor examples. Xmas Shock

Wallison · 01/01/2013 20:57

Yes, yes, I'm sure that your large family is superior to all of the small families out there.

But still. Parents who leave their children in the charge of babysitters when nurseries or childminders won't take them are irresponsible. If you want to let your children be a part of that, then [shrug] it's up to you.

lustybusty · 01/01/2013 21:22

I think I used to get about £20 at the age of 14 (13 years ago). Typically 6pm-12pm on a Friday whilst kids mum was at work. Started when the three kids were 4, 2 and 6months. They would be fed and usually in the bath when I arrived, i was responsible for teeth cleaned, pjs, a bit of play, story and bed, giving the little ones bottles too (including making them). I'd often change the 2yo bed (told not necessary, but if, when I checked them about 10pm he was wet, I'd change him - who wouldn't?!) and change baby's nappies. i had a sleeping bag on sofa, bit if I was awake when lady came home, I'd go home (next door). Having said all that, mum wouldn't leave me and my younger brother alone till we were about 17&12, and she still didn't like that (we fought, until we were about 26/21, so last year!!). As for the 16 year olds getting drunk, well obviously not responsible enough to be left!!

LuluMai · 01/01/2013 21:25

I give my 16 y o niece a flat 20 quid for looking after ds, age six. Time I get back can vary any time between 11 and about 4. We're both happy with the arrangement. She always stays over night.

SecretNutellaFix · 01/01/2013 21:27

I was paid that for 5 hours babysitting when I was a teenager 15 years ago!

I did a New years eve and was required to stay until 2, I was paid £50.

Wallison · 01/01/2013 21:33

And yes flow I agree that thread like this show up socio-economic differences. The parents who think that spunking £50 on babysitting fees is a reasonable thing to do very likely do not earn minimum wage themselves, or know anyone who does.

MerylStrop · 01/01/2013 21:37

Well it was never realistically going to be 12.30 on NYE, was it?
But vv bad form of parents to be 3 hours late/change plan during the evening.

flow4 · 01/01/2013 21:37

You sound terribly smug and self-satisfied, math. Hmm Grin

I am lucky enough not to have had to pay a penny for childcare for about ten years; but I haven't lost sight of reality: if a parent earns £6/hr themselves (before tax), then paying a 14 year old £10/hr (tax free) is impossible as well as ridiculous.

Fortunately for them, in areas where many families live on low incomes, there are plenty of teenagers (including some splendidly competent and caring ones) who don't expect babysitting to pay them twice as much as their parents earn, or three times what they'll earn themselves when they leave school.

ravenAK · 01/01/2013 21:39

Another false comparison there - CMs & nurseries don't take kids with lurgies because they give the lurgies to other mindees.

A slightly under the weather child being looked after capably in their own home by a sensible babysitter doesn't strike me as irresponsible. I'm with mathanxiety on this one.

Besides, Ralph quite often comes to call when least expected; I've left happy, full of beans dc before now & arrived home to a haggard babysitter putting the washing machine on for the fourth time that night...

I'm a bit bemused here by the need to start bandying random accusations of irresponsibility around over someone else's child's minor ailment.

LuluMai · 01/01/2013 21:42

I used to babysit for free btw at 16 for the very niece who babysits for me now! I did is for free cause my sister, he's mum, was skint and she's family. Some people might think what I pay her is low but my My niece is family, I cook tea, breakfast and dinner for her the next day. I leave her and ds a tenner extra to get goodies from the shop. She has free run of the house, internet, telly, DVDs. Ds is very well behaved, all she has to do is make him some cereal for supper. They have a lot of fun watching films or playing on his xbox. My cousin and his partner live right next door in case of emergency. She does very well out of it imo!

Wallison · 01/01/2013 21:43

If a child is puking or shitting then it's not a 'slightly under the weather' child. I would be horrified if my son's babysitter had done four loads of washing without phoning me and telling me that he'd been sick; I've always made it perfectly clear that if he's ill then they ring me straightaway and I come home. (This has never happened, as it goes.) I'm really quite perturbed that other people leave their sick children in the charge of teenagers - I don't know anyone in real life who does this.

DowagersHump · 01/01/2013 21:44

Oh bullshit Wallison and Flow - last year I was living on income support. And guess what - I didn't go out on NYE and I still don't now because it's too expensive.

I'd rather not go out that exploit someone. Having a low income doesn't give you carte blanche to underpay someone else

BumBiscuits · 01/01/2013 21:44

I used to babysit for a 3 and 5 year old for £5 for the whole evening, plus crisps and wine at age 16. I'd get to bring a friend/boyfriend but they'd get nothing unless you count a share of the wine/crisps. I'd stay over as the mum and dad wouldn't come in til all hours.

When my friend and I were 14/15 we were asked by my friends mum to help out her cousin who owned a large guest house. The cleaner was off so the pair of us went and cleaned 7 or 8 rooms, changing sheets and towels, cleaning en suites and hoovering, the works. We were there most of the day from about 8am. We got a slice of chocolate cake and a cup of tea each for our troubles.

My mate's mum was mortified and paid us herself (probably a fiver each).

BumBiscuits · 01/01/2013 21:46

Er my point is £25 is on the low side, but okay.

Wallison · 01/01/2013 21:48

I'm not exploiting my babysitters though! They're quite happy to come and sit for me. Mind, that's probably because I don't expect them to clean up shit and puke because you know what, that's my job as a parent.

ravenAK · 01/01/2013 21:49

'who think that spunking £50 on babysitting fees is a reasonable thing to do very likely do not earn minimum wage themselves, or know anyone who does'

I earned NMW for quite some years, actually, & know lots of people who still do.

Dh & I prioritise paying our sitter because dh is a busy live musician & our social life revolves around travelling to gigs - it's what we do, maybe once a month, instead of holidays or meals out.

I absolutely agree that we're lucky to be able to 'spunk' money on that & not then have to worry where the next meal's coming from, but I'm surprised by the level of hostility towards that choice from a couple of posters; it just wouldn't occur to me to react like that to anyone else's football tickets or week at Center Parcs or whatever.

SminkoPinko · 01/01/2013 21:53

Getting in at 3am when you have 2 14 year olds babysitting is seriously shit. And £1.70 per hour is really mean.

Wallison · 01/01/2013 21:53

I think, raven, that it's the implication that anyone who pays less than £50 for a babysitter is somehow selling their children short or doesn't love them enough or whatever that makes some posters hostile. Including me.

ravenAK · 01/01/2013 21:54

Ah there's the difference Wallison!

My sitter is quite happy to take any unexpected Exorcist moments in her stride. She can't call me to come home - well, she could, but I'll probably be two hours' drive away & dh will be onstage, so not much use.

Which is why I wouldn't expect to get away with paying a 14 year old £3/hour - I need someone who can be fully in loco parentis.

Wallison · 01/01/2013 21:55

It's not £1.70 an hour though, SminkoPinko - it's actually just 76p short in total of minimum wage for that age group. Sure, it's being split between two people, but unless the parents had specifically asked for two people then the fact that the money is being split doesn't come into it.

SminkoPinko · 01/01/2013 21:59

I was assuming they were both babysitting, Wallison. I guess you're right though that only one of them might have been hired but had invited a frind along. I guess it all depends a lot on what was agreed in advance.

ravenAK · 01/01/2013 21:59

Well, I'm sorry if you got that impression Wallison (endless x-posts).

FWIW, I think (& have said) £20 or £3/hour or whatever is fine for a teenager to watch telly & ring you at the first sign of illness etc, & for you to be able to dash home from a local night out.

It's not selling your children short at all if that's the circumstances. Perfectly sensible.

Wallison · 01/01/2013 22:02

Fair enough, Raven. I never stray that far from home these days, so it would probably take me say 20 mins max to get back there. And yes I know I know if the house was burning down or whatever then a lot can happen in 20 mins, but I'm quite happy that the lovely sensible girls who sit for me can call me and I'll be there soon enough, or if the situation warrants it can call their parents who are a couple of streets away.

DowagersHump · 01/01/2013 22:02

But noone gets paid NMW for working late early hours of a bank holiday! You always get paid more for working nights/BHs which is why people do them. I agree that they shouldn't get paid double for doubling up (unless the parents specifically asked for them to be a twosome).

And you always pay extra for everything on NYE (cabs, clubs, everything) because it's NYE. Babysitters are the same. Or they should be.