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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel really guilty about my past behaviour

15 replies

poiler · 01/01/2013 09:05

My brother is back from uni at the moment and since he came back he has laid a new laminate floor in one room and redecorated another room for me. I'm crap at DIY and it would have taken me ages to do this and I would have probably done an appalling average job.
He has done so much to help me but when I think back to the past I was never interested in him and was outright mean and nasty to him at times. He always wanted to spend time with me and I never did. I can't help but feel awful when I think about it.

OP posts:
trapclap · 01/01/2013 09:16

So, make up for it now?

AlwaysWantingMore · 01/01/2013 09:17

Well there's not much point in feeling guilty unless you use that feeling as a catalyst for change. I assume you want a better relationship with him? Why not just start now? Get to know him as an adult - if he is at Uni he is unlikely to be the same boy you used to know growing up. Take an interest in him, speak to him as an adult and assuming you get on well, a closeness or at least friendship will grow.

I have 3 brothers all now adults in our 20's and 30's. We are close but one I didnt see or speak to for about 8 years. Now we are quite close (simply through spending a bit of time together when he moved closer) and I am so grateful for that because he has a lovely wife and daughter too.

Maybe thank him for the DIY with dinner or something to get together and chat?

CailinDana · 01/01/2013 09:19

Tell him how you feel, I'm sure he'll appreciate it.

Original poster
poiler · 01/01/2013 09:20

I will make up for it

OP posts:
CaptChaos · 01/01/2013 09:21

Your brother obviously doesn't feel the same as you do, if he is just helping out and not being all angsty about it. As always suggested maybe take him out for a meal to say thank you, and have a little chat about things.

LadyKinbote · 01/01/2013 09:23

Siblings can forgive a lot! DSis was horrible to me when we were growing up but we're very close now.

comedycentral · 01/01/2013 09:56

Aren't most siblings like this as they are growing up? Make it for it now. I was ful to my dsis but were so close now.

comedycentral · 01/01/2013 10:00

Awful I mean

KittyFane1 · 01/01/2013 10:01

Tell him how much he means to you, ask him about his life, spend time with him.

mrsjay · 01/01/2013 10:02

My dds used to be really horrible to each other My adult dd has changed and they get on great now, you were teenagers young adults id imagine most siblings are like this at some point so say thanks to your brother apologise if you want and get along like grown ups, let it all go,

CailinDana · 01/01/2013 10:31

And yes, most siblings are pretty horrible to each other growing up, it's normal. My younger sister has forgiven me for making her my personal slave when she was small and desperate to please me. I on the other hand don't forgive my older sister for how she treated me as she is still at it. She is stuck forever at age 12. If she actually grew up and behaved like an adult I probably would let a lot of it go, it seems easier to forgive siblings than other people somehow. Younger sister hates older sister with a passion that will never wane I fear.

AlwaysReadyForABlether · 01/01/2013 10:38

There isn't anything you can do about what's happened in the past. And feeling guilty is just a waste of energy and will eat you up.
You can only change how you relate to your DB now and in the future. So get to know him as the adult he is now.
And, if you want to, have an evening reminiscing about when you were kids. You might find that he remembers things very differently to you.

ImperialBlether · 01/01/2013 10:42

I think you should talk to him about the past and apologise for acting the way you did. Tell him how lucky you are that he's still in touch with you and how grateful you are for all he's done. Then give him a few quid - he's a student and he's broke!

mrsjay · 01/01/2013 10:42

She is stuck forever at age 12. If she actually grew up and behaved like an adult I probably would let a lot of it go, it seems easier to forgive siblings than other people somehow. Younger sister hates older sister with a passion that will never wane I fear.

that is a shame she is still an arse. I understand sibling relatioships can be much deeper than silly kids, my dh hates his brother and the feeling is mutual,

I never experienced any sibling nastiness as there is 12 years between me and my sister so I had left school by the time she started and looked after her,

SevenSnapespearesSwimming · 01/01/2013 10:50

How about you cook him his favourite meal as a thank you for the help he has given you and sincerely apologise for any of your actions that may have caused him pain when you were growing up. It sounds like he adores you (laminating in my book is an ideal expression of love!) so recognising your past behaviour and apologising will help to draw a line, enable you to both move on and hopefully let you let go of any guilt.

My DSs (14 & 13) LOATHE each other a the moment, it's like a war zone, so it is lovely to hear sibling stories that have worked out well.

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