to shove my MIL's diet down her throat? my 11 yo is proud of how little she has eaten!!!

[sausagesandwich34]

ok so AIBU to shove anything down anyone's throat but...

MIL is always on one diet or another

DD has spent a few days there while I worked so unavoidable and option of not sending her to MIL is unrealistic her dad is too busy to see his dcs over christmas, too busy hanging out with his friends

DD is coming home telling me that she is doing MIL's latest diet with her and has apparently 'only' eaten 800-1000 calories per day and will I buy her a bikini for our summer holidays if she sticks to it?

WTAF?????

dd is like any other child -rounds off then shoots up and slims down

she is currently at the high end of the normal BMI but is still normal and is due a spurt

what the bloody hell is my MIL playing at???

dds dad not interested and MIL always right so I am venting

[oldpeculiar]

My DD is 11.5, 5 ft 0 and and weighs 5 st 7, so your DD is much heavier.I think she is in the range where an eye needs to be kept on things , but with more emphasis on healthy eating and exercise than calorie counting!

[whathaveiforgottentoday]

I would have been furious and YADNBU.
Obsessing about food and worrying about their body shape is a concern for young girls and research is beginning to support this (can find the evidence if you need). In short, your approach was correct and your MIL is wrong.

[AfterEightMintyy]

Thread's probably died now but if anyone is still reading I just want to second the recommendation for The Care And Keeping Of You which I think is an excellent book for young girls. My dd loves it.

[GrumpySod]

I think it's a good chance to talk to the DD about the many misguided images girls and women get about healthy relationships with their bodies & with food. How this permeates society so much that even MIL has been sucked in (despite her best intentions). This whole episode sounds pretty tame compared to stuff she'll hear from peers and pick up from magazines & other media. It doesn't have to be as cerebral as that, just "Granny means best but she's a bit misguided" message.

I wouldn't ban her or stop her going over. If she were my DD I'd tell her to eat what felt right instead of calorie counting, & that as a growing active girl she doesn't have to watch her weight like MIL, there's plenty of time to worry about that when she's (ancient) over 50.