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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Advice needed ASAP! Friend let me down at 11th hour!

16 replies

PrincessTeacake · 31/12/2012 16:51

Over the last few months, I've been laying down the groundwork to have surgery done in the USA, and it requires me to be gone from my job as a nanny to two small children for two weeks. I had asked a friend of mine to take over for the week s I'm gone which she had agreed to, then I worked it out with my boss. Now that I'm due to fly out, she has said she can't do it this week.I I have rearranged my flight plans to better suit her and my boss has taken time off work to help the kids settle with her but she refuses to do it this week. Her excuse is she is house sitting for her parents and meeting friends.

I am panicking, I have no idea what to do and i don't know what to tell my boss.

OP posts:
HildaOgden · 31/12/2012 16:55

You need to tell your boss immediately and between the 2 of you,you will come up with a plan.Perhaps she has a friend/family member/Nanny agency recommendation that she can call on?

And I'd now consider that selfish person an 'ex' friend.

mrsjay · 31/12/2012 16:57

tell your boss and try and arrange childcare dont cancel anything are you entitled to holidays ?

crypes · 31/12/2012 16:58

Thats tough but you should go and have your surgery and now leave it to your boss to sort out. Your surgery is obviously priority and you have given your boss enough notice. In life sometimes you have to put number.1. first.

FarrahFawcettsFlick · 31/12/2012 17:15

Speak to your boss - she will have to arrange cover via an agency. That's what they're there for. Do not cancel your surgery unless she will cover the expense of late cancel fees. Actually, just don't cancel.

Are you not entitled to time off for surgery outside of pre-arranged holiday times? Is that why you are so worried?

Bogeyface · 31/12/2012 17:19

Is it cosmetic surgery, so not a medical need?

That might make your boss slightly less sympathetic, but I agree that there are options such as agency staff etc.

And definitely dump the "ex" friend.

Original poster
PrincessTeacake · 31/12/2012 17:32

No, its an experimental surgery that may improve my quality of life as currently I'm in a lot of pain. I'm going to work tomorrow and I'm going to try and work out a solution with her, which I'm freaking out about because just before my friend let me down I hsd explained to my boss what a trustworthy reliable person she was.

OP posts:
mrsjay · 31/12/2012 17:37

you need to go for your treatment id imagine it has cost you a lot of money and it may help you your boss might not be understanding but she will understand how let down you feel about the friend,

HildaOgden · 31/12/2012 17:39

Ultimately it wasn't up to you to arrange your own cover.I understand you feeling crap about this,but sometimes shit happens.It is a hassle for both you and your boss,and she may well be pissed off about it initially.However,she was already taking a few days off to settle your friend in,she can use that time to settle an agency Nanny in instead.

Neither you,or your boss,will be upset about this is 5 years time,it will be a distant memory.On the other hand,at that stage your surgery will still be worth it!So think long term....the childcare arrangements will be a temporary hassle,the surgery a life-long improvement.

I'd actually phone your boss tonight and tell her,to give her as much time as possible to get over the news and start finding a solution.

dequoisagitil · 31/12/2012 17:43

I'm with Hilda.

KellyEllyChristmasBelly · 31/12/2012 17:54

Why did you arrange your own cover? Are you not entitled to holidays? Your boss should have dealt with all this herself surely?

Snazzyfeelingfestive · 31/12/2012 17:58

Agree with Hilda. Sometimes friends can surprisingly let you down like this Sad and then you know they're not real friends at all. But you shouldn't have to give up your surgery for that. Agency is best - presume your 'friend' was going to be paid by your employer? - she can use the money for that instead.

MichaelaS · 31/12/2012 17:59

emergencychildcare.co.uk have been very good for finding last minute reliable nannies for me, we use them if i'm sick or if our nursery is closed for an outbreak of whatever or there is some other last minute panic. they use local agencies and are expensive but have always given me an experienced pleasant nanny who i trusted.

its only 2 weeks, your employer should understand (after being a bit put out initially i imagine) and its not like you're going on holiday, its surgery to attempt to improve your health. good luck, i hope the surgery works for you!

Bogeyface · 31/12/2012 18:25

I only asked if it was cosmetic as that might explain why your boss was wanting you to arrange cover.

If it is a medical procedure then it is up to your boss to sort out cover. You have both been let down but ultimately, they are her children and it is her job to arrange her childcare.

AuntieMaggie · 01/01/2013 15:01

No advice but I would call quits on the friendship as no friend would treat you like this over surgery that could reduce your pain and improve your quality of life.

Original poster
PrincessTeacake · 01/01/2013 22:01

Thanks for 5he advice, everyone. I went in to work today and explained to my boss, luckily she was sympathetic and we're working something out before I go. I lose two days of physio but it could be worse. And you're right about my friend, I've always gone easy on her when she flaked out on me but this is beyond the pale.

OP posts:
HildaOgden · 01/01/2013 22:44

I'm glad your boss was ok about it,but why are you losing 2 days of physio?It isn't your responsibility,seriously,put your own health first.

Hope the operation goes well for you x

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