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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want to have a choice

15 replies

lisa2104 · 31/12/2012 15:50

I really don't want anyone to think I am being ungrateful and I am really touched by the generosity but I am starting to feel like my preparations for baby are being taken over a bit. It started with my fiance's sister giving us loads of stuff, we got a free pram which was brilliant but took away the excitement of choosing one, we got given a bouncer chair mad a babygym which I really appreciated but I had seen some I wanted. We were given clothes but tBh that hasn't stopped me buying them because it feels like that's all I can buy! I wanted to get the Moses basket but was then told not to worry about it so I thought I'll get the bath set and now that's being bought for us. I really don't want to sound like I don't appreciate it because I really do but I feel like this is my first baby and I want to give her her first bath in the bath I chose and put her to bed in the Moses basket I picked and my sister in law is already saying she wants to get her good one as we will be handing it down to her next! Sorry for long speech but am I being unreasonable?! Btw we get to choose the car seat!

OP posts:

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 31/12/2012 15:54

You do have a choice, there is no law saying you have to accept the (very kind) offers. Just say 'no thankyou'.

HollyBerryBush · 31/12/2012 16:00

I understand you want ing new things for your first baby - believ me, when you've had two or three you won't be nearly so"precious" (we all are!) and TBH the money you are saving is better spent on other things. Say thank you and accept with good grace

HecatePropolos · 31/12/2012 16:01

No. You're not. You are allowed to feel however you feel about it. I don't tihnk anyone can say your emotions are unreasonable.

But I think you're seeing 'stuff' as 'baby' and I have to tell you from waaaaay on the other side - stuff is just stuff. A baby bath is a baby bath. You wash the baby in it for a few months then it either goes in the loft or you pass it on.

I would say take everything on offer, with grateful thanks, cos it's a dear do and it's only stuff, and you can save the money and buy other things with it, or start a savings account for the baby or something.

AMumInScotland · 31/12/2012 16:01

YANBU - just say "It's lovely of you to give us things, but I would like to have the fun of shopping for my own choice of things too. It's such a pleasure shopping for baby things isn't it? I love going round the shops and picturing my baby in the things I'm choosing."

BeerTricksPotter · 31/12/2012 16:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CaptChaos · 31/12/2012 16:06

The pram.... YA so NBU. The buggy you get could be your best friend or the bane of your existence for the next 18 months or so, it's really important that you get the right one to fit you and your lifestyle. Maybe ask for a financial contribution instead if people want to help with that?

The rest.... there is always something you need to get, so maybe accept gracefully and save your money, babies grow quite quickly out of baby baths etc

catgirl1976geesealaying · 31/12/2012 16:07

Will you parents or PILs be doing an amount of childcare for you or will you be visting them a fair bit with the baby?

It so, it's really handy to have a set of stuff at thiers so you don't have to cart everything round every time

So, you could have some of the second hand stuff, bath, moses basket etc at your parents or PILs either for when they have the baby or when you visit with the baby

It still gets used and you don't have to load up the car everytime you go and you get to go shopping

Bluefrogs · 31/12/2012 16:07

You do have a choice,say no Thankyou or that you have bought one already.
You are not obliged to take a Moses basket that has already been decided it will be passed onto someone else.Sorry but my twins are 2 and I still have their Moses baskets and have absolutely no intention of handing them to anyone else!
Choose the bath you want and enjoy choosing what you like.
Good luck with the baby

RyleDup · 31/12/2012 16:10

I understand, but I promise you in a year or so you won't care about that stuff. Its just stuff, and expensive stuff at that. I know what its like, and I felt the same with my pfb, but now I look back and I feel really grateful that people donated the big things to me. Why don't you put any money aside that you otherwise would have spent, and put it into a savings account for your baby instead.

CailinDana · 31/12/2012 16:12

YANBU to feel that way of course but give it 6 months and I don't think you'll really care any more. For now all you have to focus on (besides the progressively larger bump and all the fun that goes with it!) is the preparation so it all seems very important. Once the baby is actually here all the stuff will become totally insignificant and you'll just be grateful to have these things to hand to make life easier. I'm due No.2 in 8 weeks and I am so not bothered about preparing - once I have a moses basket and some clothes and nappies we're set - this is a far cry from how I felt with No.1, believe me!

It's lovely that others are so keen to help you and to buy things for your baby. I don't want to belittle your feelings but do bear in mind that these things are meant with kindness and that in the grand scheme of things it's not worth getting annoyed about. Hang onto the stuff, see if it suits, and if it doesn't sell it on and get your own things. Don't worry about buying clothes, btw, the more you have the better. The amount of clothes a newborn can go through in one day is really astounding :)

Original poster

lisa2104 · 01/01/2013 08:48

I think u r all right that I'm not being ungrateful but I need to look at it in a positive way. These things have been bought for us with the best of intentions and we do live away from most of our family so it will be nice to put her to bed in the Moses basket her aunties and uncle chose and bath her in the bath her nan chose. The important thing is she will be massively loved and I get to spend my cash on toys lol

OP posts:

bunchamunchycrunchycarrots · 01/01/2013 08:55

Have you got the pram already? If not, you def need to say you have tried a few out and then specify which one you prefer, or say that you have a certain one in mind and will happily pay any extra over whatever budget they have in mind (if its a really expensive one you fancy). I think choosing a pram is a bit like choosing a car and it would bother me if I hadn't any say in that too.

bunchamunchycrunchycarrots · 01/01/2013 08:57

I should add I picked mine based on the fact it was in the sale and dirt cheap, but turned out to be a brilliant pram/buggy set. It's been passed on and is still raved about by its current user.

bonzo77 · 01/01/2013 09:08

YANBU. That's why I pre ordered "important" stuff for my pfb. So when I was given/offered stuff I could say I had it already. I'm still a bit irritated at never having bought ds1a coat of my choosing. Was so excited about getting ds2 a snow suit myself (ds1 had hand me downs) then he got bought a horrible one. I bought him one anyway! It sounds really precious and ungrateful, but you have to use/look at these things everyday. As a previous poster said, some things are too important to leave to someone else: buggies are very personal. I would also research anything safety related and not accept these 2nd hand, like car seats, bike hats.

EuphemiaInExcelsis · 01/01/2013 09:22

All of these things we bought for our PFB by ourselves have gone to charity/the tip.

It's just stuff. It really doesn't matter.

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