to want abit more of an apology?

[acsr1987]

i had a mc the back end of october, the baby was about 10 weeks and it was medically managed, but went terribly wrong and i ended up almost losin my life, had to have blood transfusions and emergancy surgery and being in hospital for a few days... on top of already feeling heartbroken about the baby dying.
anyway 10 days after coming out of hospital my father had a go at me for no reason really, he was tired as was on nightshift and me and my partner and little boy had called round his house... me being stupid just wanted abit looking after when he didnt really want me there. he called me spoilt and that i should get over mc and that millions of other people have been through it and worse and to just grow up. i stopped speaking to him after this because i was not in any emotional state to cope. i started being civil towards him near xmas due to me not wanting anything hostile around my 14 month old. but now hes just talking away to me as if nothings happened and i just think he has a major fucking cheak aibu to want alittle sympathy and an apology or am i being a brat?

So sorry to hear what's happened to you - you aren't being a brat.
Do you normally had a good relationship with your dad? If so, why don't you go round alone and talk through how you felt and how you were just after some support and TLC?

No, that's pretty unforgivable. Well done to you for being the bigger person and speaking to him again. Personally that would have been that for me.

He has no empathy with your situation.

For your own sanity tell him that you were upset he wasn't kinder to you when you were at such a low point.He will either cop onto himself and sincerely apologise,or else say something equally tactless like 'that was ages ago,you still harping on?' (that's definitely not my opinion,btw).

Either way,you will have got it off your chest.

I'm really sorry to hear about your baby,and I hope happier days come to you soon x

I don't blame you feeling that way. He has been horrible. I'm so sorry for all you have been through.

Not sure. Awful for you but also odd to hear someone say he has no empathy - of course he has - OP lost a baby and he nearly lost his dd. Did he have anyone to support him through you nearly dying? He might have been feeling very stressed. Also, is it possible he has supported a partner through MC, perhaps multiple or loss of a child? You might not/probably won't know if that is the case and it happened before you were born or were very small.

On the other hand, he could just be horrible. Hard to know without knowing you both!

I am very sorry.

I think in your position I'd want/ need to have a calm conversation about how his lack of sympathy made you feel, and give him the chance to apologise.

I know this would fester in me.

Cakebar,I totally disagree with you on the empathy front.Within 10 days of the OP nearly dying herself,her father was calling her spoilt and telling her to get over herself,that millions of people had been through worse.

Doesn't sound like empathy to me at all.

YANBU to feel hurt by his comments, but maybe the timing had something to do with it?
Do you think the fact he was on nightshifts may be a reason. I know I can be incredibly grumpy and short tempered when on nights due to lack of sleep. Is it possible it was just a stupid comment,said in anger, or does he have previous form for being tactless?

Surely your DP would be looking after you though, not your father who'd just come off a nightshift? He was dismissive and rude but in a way, it's understandable when you catch somebody at the wrong time and they've had no sleep.

You 'made up' for the sake of your 14 month old, so as far as your father is concerned, it's water under the bridge. If it isn't - and it sounds as if it isn't - go and speak to him. I don't think an apology is warranted though... I think a hug would probably heal things faster.

Unless an apology is offered sincerely without nudging or reminding I think it's worth nothing really. Someone behaving like this is a warning that you need to reduce the importance they have in your life drastically. Unfortunately it's a lesson that many people learn when they go through something tough like you did - people who should be there for you let you down and you have to reassess their place in your life. He has shown you what he's like - when push comes to shove he will treat you like shit. An apology won't change that.

If it would make you feel better it might be worth explaining to him how much his words hurt. But IM(bitter)E a person who treats you badly once will do it again so you're better off not putting yourself in that position in future. Basically don't expect anything to change.

no, you aren't being a brat.

you'd have to think about whether you want to be involved with him or not.

my dad raised his hand to hit me earlier this year (i'm 55, i don't live with him) and i didn't speak to him for a while. he hasn't apologised but we're speaking now because he needed an extra person to talk to and i could be it. part of me wants to tell him to get lost but he's an old man and i'm sorry for his circumstances.

my daughter almost died in childbirth last year. the shock was so great i was insane for at least one month, maybe more, afterwards. quite insane. though on the surface i looked fine, just quiet. but i wasn't. i'm not saying that has been the case with your dad, but it might have been.

people are faulty. they can't always be what others want. can you forgive and forget, or is the hurt too great?