To feel happy and devastated all at the same time

[WhereTheWildOnesSnow]

I have just had a text to say my brothers girlfriend gave birth to a baby girl less than an hour ago, I am so happy for them. But, im also devastated, they told me they were expecting while I was miscarrying, I would have been due now too and its making me sad about what could have been. I feel awful for being so jealous but I have found it really hard being around her while she has been pregnant which I know is not her fault.
I cant wait to meet my new niece but everytime I think about it I want to cry.

have a cry, you are allowed that, does your brother know about the miscarriage. see your neice and make a fuss of her but look after yourself you are not wrong to feel this way. so sorry for your loss

Have a cry. This too will pass. And then focus on the joy of being an aunty and the fun that brings.

Thank you. Yes my brother knows. I think if they would have waited a little while to tell me about the pregnancy I may be dealing with it better. I know he wouldn't have meant to upset me on purpose which just makes me feel worse.

It will be your turn soon. Am so sorry. What you are feeling is completely normal. Take care of yourself.xxx

you ANBU. I am in the reverse situation. I discovered i was pregnant the day my sister had a d&c to remove a baby that had died but not miscarried. Her and her DH are still TTC and my DD was born 3 weeks ago. I still feel guilt for having DD when her baby died. She has done nothing but be lovely, cuddle DD and generally be all that an excited aunt should be but I know she is hurting - in the same way you are - and won't say anything to take away from our happiness at DD but I am her sister and i know. This is a normal feeling and i am sure your brother and his girlfriend understand your feelings.

You are allowed to feel happy for them and sad for yourself at the same time. Having a cry and acknowledging it doesn't make you a bad person. In the slightest.

Thank you Pilgit (and congratulations), you are right. I know I will love and dote on my niece as much as the rest of my nieces/nephews (all 9 of them now!).

I suppose its just all terrible timing after a really bad year. But what doesn't break you, makes you stronger so im looking forwars to 2013 with my lovely family, and im getting to a place where the good times are more often than the bad.

have some hugs, and cry as much as you like. xx

it's definitely ok to feel like that. I had counselling after my miscarriage and it really helped - don't be afraid to go and talk to someone about it. good luck with everything, I'm sure you'll be a lovely auntie.

Poor you, so hard for you but as someone else said it will be your time soon.

I'm in the sort of reverse situation; 2 of my friends have broken contact with me because I'm pregnant. I'm 34 weeks now but one has had trouble ttc and the other had a miscarriage the week I announced my pregnancy.

Don't think your db and sil won't be sensitive to how you are feeling.

I am so sorry for your loss.

Yanbu you can be happy for your DB and sad at the same time for yourself.

I always make time for my friend as her DD was born at 20 weeks the day I had DS. I hope it helps her to know that someone else remembers her DD on her birthday.

Yanbu. I'm sorry for your loss and I really understand why you feel the way you do.

When I lost our first pregnancy I felt very like you do whenever I heard of someone elses news, especially people close to me.

However, at the same time as telling people that I was pregnant again (6 years later) my sister and bil found put they couldn't have children...I was so devastated for them and they have been so supportive of us and very graceful about it all.

I've been on both sides and I really feel for you and it is normal to feel the way you do.

Thanks ladies, you have made me feel like I'm not such an awful sister now. On the plus side, should be meeting my niece tomorrow :)