To think that the meat course brought tonight should already be cooked?

[cardamomginger]

First AIBU, so please be gentle, but I genuinely interested in who IBU here.

I am hosting NYE dinner for 7 of us, after the original hosts dropped out yesterday having come down with flu. The original plan, which we are sticking to, is that everyone brings something. One friend is bringing soup, another fish, someone else dessert (probably not the Bailey's thing - dang and blast it!), I'm doing side dishes and salads, etc, etc. All very nice and friendly. One friend said he would bring meat - steaks, bits of chicken. Lovely! Spoke to him last night and it appears that he is seriously considering turning up with raw meat and expecting me to cook it. AIBU in thinking that this is not on?

I'm asking people for 8. DD is 2 and the time between her bedtime (7.30) and 8 will be spent clearing the flat up and trying to make myself presentable. So even if he turned up early, I still don't think it is really on. I don't want the extra mess and work of now having to cook the main course as well. I don't want to be stuck in the kitchen/running backwards and forwards whilst everyone else is relaxing and having a nice time. And I don't trust him enough to be left alone in my kitchen to do the cooking (he has form for breaking things and/or making a complete mess).

Part of my hesitancy about whether I am BU is that my reactions are very much coloured by his previous history, which is coming up with damn fool ideas that are clearly bonkers and highly inconvenient to other people.

Who is BU?

Then let your DH clean the kitchen whilst he cooks.

'Reheated meat doesn't taste as nice? I'm sorry but that's not necessarily true!'

I think people said that casseroles and such were fine, but I've been veggie for the last 40 years so I haven't a clue.

Thanks OP, it is going well with DS because we have rules. It is interesting to see how many different ways there are to cock up though. Who'd have thunk it?

Stop emailing and pick up the phone and call him and say 'You really can't do steak and chicken here, there isn't time or room. Bring the take away as first agreed.'

Or

Stop being so precious about your kitchen and insist he clean up after himself.

All I can say is I'm glad I'm not coming!

You getting worked up about someone using a pan and some tongs in your kitchen when you should be thinking about having fun!

Loosen up FFS!

YABU and don't sound like you really want people round which will show, don't make people feel uncomfortable!

It would be totally acceptable to turn up with a big roasting pan of chicken and garlic cloves and thyme or something to bung in the oven on arrival. I would assume most prep would be done at his house but no drama if he does it at yours. How much mess will one person make?!? Clean up will be 5 mins: debris in bin, wash up knives, everything else in dish washer, wipe surfaces. Job done.

Agree you shouldn't have to do any actual cooking although you could stretch to heating things up / taking things out of the oven.

He sounds like he is not much of a cook. If he turns up with plain steak or chicken. That said I'd just let him cook it.

If it were me 1) I'd just offer to do the main anyway, 2) if he did bring meat it would not bother me taking a short while to cook some steaks etc 3) if he insisted on saving me effort I'd happily let him cook & deal with the mess in the morning. What's the worst he can do?

I have already conceded that I am being a bit unreasonable, and I am trying to loosen up . But I really don't think I'm coming across as not wanting people to come round??? I don't think that is very fair to conclude that about me.

whois - it is highly probably that no prep at all will be done at his house and that if it is e.g. a chicken, he will turn up with it in a carrier bag (and with no other ingredients) and everything that needs doing to it will need to be done when he gets here. He is also chronically late, so chances are he'll be late tonight (with raw whatever it is that will need to be dealt with from scratch).

But, that said, I accept that my buttons are being pushed and I was envisaging worst-case scenarios more because of past history with him and not due to the actual facts on the ground. Maybe it will all be fine!!
I've been trying to call him to sort out a workable plan, but he's not answering.

Ask him to bring a supermarket readymeal to go straight in the oven? Not v exciting but practical

If he's likely to turn up late and can't cook I'd have had him doing a pudding, that way he can buy something from a supermarket. Giving the main course meat responsibility to someone who can't cook sounds mad.
If I'm hosting a dinner at my house i would expect to do the main course or to be reheating stuff other people have brought.
If he's likely to come very late I probably wouldn't have invited him for the meal just the socialising afterwards.
The other option is a casual meal with things you can stick in the oven during the evening like sausage rolls, vol au vents, pizzas plus snacky puddings like meringues although it sounds too late for that.

I have to disagree with the reassurance that your irresponsible guest won't break anything if he's "only" cooking steaks. Hasn't everyone come across that sort of person at least once in their lifetime, the sort who, on being shown to a ready-lit stove and handed a spatula and a skillet, is next seen surrounded by the shards of one of your heirloom crystal champagne glasses, with some amazingly convoluted tale of it being exactly the right size to measure something out in, or it just sort of fell out of the cabinet when he was looking for some particular tool which no reasonable person would expect to find in a glass cabinet and he didn't think to ask the hosts where it was (and there's no particular reason why he should need one anyway)? Or maybe he just manages to detach the handle from one of the utensils, or a mysterious dent appears in your best frying pan. However unlikely, impossible, ridiculous it may be that something would get damaged, this person always manages to do it. And the worst thing is you can be almost certain they didn't do it on purpose.

Let him pick up some curried chicken legs from the supermarket, can't do too much damage with those (as long as someone else puts them on a plate).

Annie - maybe we have the same friend? I remember one occasion where he was over for a pre-wedding dinner at my flat, knocked my wedding dress on the floor, ran over it with an office chair and left it crumpled on the carpet on the grounds that he didn't know what it was, so didn't know whether it was important. Genuinely did not understand why I was upset nor why he should have told me what he'd done. Large white garment bag hanging up two weeks before your mate gets married? No idea what that could be..... .
Back to tonight. Talked to him and he's going to do a combination of already cooked stuff from restaurant and bring raw chicken wings. Should be fine!
Thanks for everyone's input, suggestions and the reality check. Happy New Year .

I would have suggested he bring a couple of supermaket cooked chickens to eat cold with your salads, or a few bags of those flavoured drumsticks / kentucky stuff from the frozen section that can be cooked from frozen. enjoy your night

This is the reason that, when we used to do this, as hosts we did the main course. Everything else is easy to just bring and serve.

He should cook it.