To think my family member is nasty and to not bother anymore?

[AreYouADurtBirdOrALadyBird]

My cousin was in a very abusive relationship until last March, when she finally managed to break free. She has two small children. I helped her find a place to live,helped get her furniture, clothes because she left with nothing.
Her ex's mother is her mothers best friend.My aunt,her friend and friends daughter came to my house to collect some stuff I was giving to the daughter (she is pregnant). They were both asking about cousin and ex's mother made a comment about her stopping her nonsense,her son needs his wife.
The thing is she knew about the situation. She knew what was happening. After a while her son didn't bother trying to hide it. My aunt just stood there and said nothing. I rang her after and said xxx was out of order saying that about cousin,why didn't you tell her so. My aunt replied that that xxx is her friend. I said [cousins name] is your daughter. She just replied that cousin had made her choices.

I'm disgusted with them. Her mother didn't help get cousin out,and was very vocal about how her friendship was ruined when she left. They don't have cousins new address because it would be passed onto her ex. The children are collected by ex's mother from a carpark for contact with their father.

I can't decide if your cousins mother sounds like a spineless idiot, or whether she possibly emotionally abused your cousin too. I feel very very sad for your cousin.

In your shoes I don't think I would have been able to keep my mouth shut and not say something to the ex's mother there and then. Probably wouldn't have helped matters.

That's pretty shocking, tbh.
Ther could never be a frienship valuable enough to make me abandon my (grown up) child in her hour of need.
I am sure most women would feel the same.
Your Aunt is completely wrong. Is your Mother her Sister?
If so, could she talk to her?
If my Mother had let me go through this on my own, however, I would sever ties.
Well done you, for being a decent person and helping out a family in trouble.
And yes, to answer you AIBU you would not be unreasonable to tell your Auntie she is a heartless twat who deserved to die alone.

Her husband is my dads brother. I don't know of any parental abuse,cousin never said. I would have loved to say something at the time but my two small ones were beside me.

But hasn't your Dad spoken to his brother?!
I hope you gave them both a look to make them feel like shit! They should both be thoroughly ashamed of themselves.
Was the abuse physical?

My dad is not in the best of health so I don't want to stress him out. I don't want to go into detail as it would out me.

Aunt and friend sound horrible. No wonder the ex is abusive if his mother blames others for his behaviour.

Your cousin will be glad of your support, I'm sure.

Ok. You're doing the best you can then. It's up to you if oyu want to say something to the other parties.

I would, but then I'm a big gob.

ignore the two old biddies and continue to support your cousin.

You're getting your cousins side of the story

The Ex's mother is getting his side of the story

Your aunt is getting both sides

The Exs mother made a throwaway comment - the Aunt isn't going to start a screaming row on your doorstep infront of you, your children, a pregnant woman and Uncle Tom Cobbley. Given this woman is the Aunts friend of some years standing, perhaps she didn't want to discuss the issue with you.

There is probably a lot more going on than you know about. You havent distanced yourself from this family at all - you're keeping contact and fostering a friendship by passing on baby clothes. That isn't supportive of your cousin at all.

Wow. Your Aunt-by-marriage sounds like one of those old-fashioned types who are so unsupportive of their female relatives - thinks that they should just put up and shut up with any type of behaviour so long as they "keep their man happy".
Make damn sure you keep your cousin safe from her as well, since she sounds as though she would happily collude with her friend, another of the same type, and put your cousin at risk again.

I wouldn't say anything to them because they won't change their beliefs just because of you - but I also wouldn't have anything to do with them or have them in the house ever again. Disgusting attitude - I hope it dies out VERY soon.

I am being supportive to my cousin. The pregnant lady is lovely and is still in contact with my cousin. She is her children's aunt.
I didn't know of my aunt and her friends passiveness of what went on. He used to shout and threaten her quite openly and long before it was confirmed we suspected physical abuse. My aunt and her friend would be saying that he was roaring at her again,or had to give out to her. I knew there was more as I was trying to convince her to leave but of course couldn't say anything or her trust would be broken.