To wonder why when you have kids your parents (read Mother) thinks they are theirs

[YesIamYourSisterInLaw]

Seriously you've had your kids, just back the fuck off!! Arghhh

Head explodes

I know, iv told her to go and she has said she will. It is a real worry though as although she only pays a small amount it was enough that her money could build a safety net for the extras like car insurance etc. with out it it's going to mean no money if the washing machine breaks or oven blows up. Plus ill have to take ds to work with me which is less than ideal but it will just have to be done. It can't be worse than this, if I carry I'll ending hating her..
Thank you ruby yes it's not the best time, you would think having been through a divorce herself (we werent married but still.A relationship breakdown) she would be tryi g to make this hard time easier for me rather than making me feel like the worlds worst mum.
The funny thing is even she finds my da a bit much after a while, she such a bloody hypocrite it's unreal

Is there any chance you could talk to her about this rather than stopping living together right away? It sounds like there are advantages as well as disadvantages.

Could you sit her down, have a cup of tea and say:

"Mum, I am having a really hard time at the moment. As you yourself know, separating from your partner is never easy.

What I need is for you, as my mum, to be 100% behind me. I need to be able to recover from my relationship breaking up and learn how to be a parent on my own.

What you can do is be the most amazing supportive mum. You are already helping me with DS, which is wonderful, but I need him to respect how things are done my way. It's really important that at this time when our lives feel really out of control that I am taking a very strong parenting role for DS. Please will you support me?

I know you will as you're such a wonderful mum and gran. I know sometimes I will do things differently from you, but please help me out with this."

Or is that not the kind of thing you could do? I know my mum would love to feel she was being a support (she too is a hippie type) and would find it flattering being given a role helping me very explicitly.

We had that conversation the Sunday before last when ds was here. She said she would change then, he's been back 4 days and she's already doing it again. She has tried to call me and left a message saying she is sorry but she feels for ds.
The thing is if its not this it would be something, he's teething, he's tired oh he must be hungry lets feed him for the 50th time today because that won't make him fat like you were.
Before the argument started I said to her that she had promised to support me so please put him down, that was her chance to prevent it but she didn't want to and then she says sorry but she doesn't bloody mean it.
I'm sorry I'm going on and on now.

Hmmm, no, it sounds very tricky. Can't think of any great solutions really, sorry.

On the other hand, it sounds like you are very strong and dealing very well with your separation. I'm sure you are doing the best thing for your DS.

Ah my mother used to try this (she is psychotic control freak). She used to undermine me all the time she even used to smirk when doing it. It was the last straw when she let my sister smoke in the car when DS was in the back.

When I collected him and asked why he smelt of cigarettes she smirked and answered me.

when I hit the roof she went to attack me.

we haven't seen her since 2007.

Ah the peace it has been since Ah

OMG I thought it was just my mum. My mum took my DD for her first haircut when I'd gone to work. She couldn't understand when I was cross and phoned up HER mum for sympathry and the complained to me that her own mum had told her off! She still thinks DD is her own daughter but now, aged 14, DD isn't too keen.

My parents are dead. My mum died before I had my children. Her mum died before I was born. These problems and joys are so far from my experience that I feel like an alien.

I can see how this would be annoying.

My nan (brought me up) thinks she knows better sometimes. She will sometimes say it and sometimes she bites her tongue. Drives me mad though as I actually know my children very well and I do know better when is comes to them. I also know that times have changed from the 50's and 60's when she brought up her children, but you can't tell her. I do know that she absolutely adores them though and I have learnt to chill with the amount of crap food she insists in treating them to when we see her. I just don't tend to listen to some of the advice.

I think she needs to move out. She isn't going to change. She will continue to drive you mad and you will end up resenting her for undermining your parenting.

I think she needs to move out. You will manage fine on your own especially as it seems to be working with exp. Find out if you are entitled to tax credits, you may get some help with childcare.

Good luck.

There is a logic to this you know. Remembering we are but one step removed from animals, the whole purpose of our being on this earth is to procreate. The whole mother-daughter-grandchild thing - she knows you, her daughter, have given birth to her genes, therefore instinctively she is protecting her genes.

Also we are social group/pack animals naturally - this whole living in little boxes in a nuclear family is unnatural - it's only the developed countries that have this ideal of 'personal space'.

Very tongue in cheek - you won't have an obscure Amazonian tribe with all the child bearing women muttering 'my mothers doing my head in with all her advice' because age and experience will be valued and you would look to your elders to give advice.

Just remember - civilisation if a very fine veneer to what we really are.

Sounds annoying but at least she's interested. My mother bothers to see DS about once a month and doesn't even ask after him in between.

My mil did this with my dss, dss mother went to pick him up and mil rung ss and police saying she had taken him without consent! Long back story but dss now has limited contact with mil and me and dh restrict our ds access to her as she threatened us with court action to see ds even though she didn't bother with him! She really thought she was dss 'mother' as she was allowed such a massive input in his upbringing!