To think this is a deal-breaker?

[formallyknownasloveydarling]

Dp called our ds evil. To his face. And said he was sick in the head. And that he should go to a boarding school. Ds is a lively, challenging 4 yo. Dp is now refusing to go near ds: won't play with him, help him get dressed, nothing. This has been going on for 4 days.
It's the last straw isn't it.
Fuck.
My poor ds.

It's a good way of getting out of parenting isn't it?

Would be a deal breaker for me.

Yes, it is the last straw. What the hell is he doing?

Is there somewhere you can go to now, away from him?

What is your poor son's reaction to his bastard father?

What are you going to do?

it's a horrible thing to say to a little kid.

is your son particularly challenging? Depends what the back story is, how your DP is with him ordinarily etc.

If it was the culmination of days of stress then - maybe - it can be dealt with. If it was typical of how he is with your son then, no, it's not acceptable.

Is your dh ok? what he said is so out of order but if he's usually a loving Dad has he had a breakdown or something?

4 days!?! Yep my DP would be out on his ear until he grew up a bit and was prepared to eat a huge slice of humble pie dished up by DS. Your poor DS, is there history to this?

Kick him out, never mind finding somewhere else for the OP to go. Then look forward to a great NY without the twat.

Get this moved to Relationships, where many wise ladies will advise you what you need to do now.
Because either he leaves or you do.

Yes. Leave. Now. I very rarely say leave, but that's extreme

get rid of the 'd' p.

My son is extremely challenging (severe SN) but I would never act like that. Neither would his dad

And it's not what he said, it's the ignoring.

Hateful.

I think dp has had some kind of breakdown (which he said was because of me and ds). Whilst I started out trying to be sympathetic, I am pretty sure this crosses a line, mental health issues or not.

Get him some parenting classes as a late christmas present, go with him if necessary, but please do not allow this to continue around your child.

This is the easy bit, if he he struggling at this point then it is only sensible to ask for help.

It would be a deal breaker for me, your poor ds

What's the back story?

Because if dh did this I would be worried about his mental health and how I could help him without damaging our children.

I would not be thinking in terms of a deal breaker.

You are definitely not being unreasonable. What a nasty bully, your poor son. Is there somewhere you & ds can go to get away from him?

I wouldn't allow anyone to speak to my child like that, no way. It would be a deal breaker for me.

Yes what yohoho said.

Get your dh some help. Now.

If he won't accept help it might be a deal breaker. But if he has had a breakdown he needs love and support and help to stop feeling like this not abandoning.

Is he the father of your son?

These are my thoughts:
Dp goes to doctor
Dp lives elsewhere whilst he has therapy/medication kicks in
I chat to doctor about effect on ds and implementation of possible therapy
Meanwhile I seek advice about separation and hope it doesn't come to that.

What are you thinking of doing OP?

yes it sounds as if dh is not behaving rationally and needs some help but you need to protect your child first and foremost.

Perhaps you need to speak to someone about this in real life, doctor or social work for instance? I really think you should do this asap and make some kind of plan because I'm concerned about the situation you're describing.

X post op.

Yes ds is his son. His behavior can be challenging. He exhibits ADHD traits but who knows. And this can't be having a positive impact.