DP didn't give my children any gifts

[Red7seater]

My DP and I are living together with my children, all still Santa believers. I was a bit disappointed that he never gave them a gift not even a selection box. I bought all the Santa pressies, and gave his DCs nice gifts from me and my DCs.
I know you don't give to receive, but it would have been a nice gesture.

aIBU?

No, you aren't.

But it may have been better to discuss it with him before Christmas.

YANBU.
I guess they are too young to notice (if they believe in Santa) but I think it is doubly important for step-parents to be generous at this time of year.
So next year...?

I'm a veteran of a step family. It's not easy on either side, seemingly small things like this really matter.

If you are co-habiting and pool income - why do you need two sets of presents? that strikes me as odd.

Ditto send his children presents separately from your DP. Should have been joint.

I agree with Holly. Also, are you sending messages out about what is important?

Wouldn't the main present you gave them be from both of you if your living together? I don't see why he would need to buy a separate present to be honest with you.

As you live to together maybe he assumed all presents were joint. Maybe?

Were all the presents from 'Santa'? As DH and I didn't give our dd any presents from us....not that she noticed!
But any other presents we gave to family were from the two of us, I did most of the shopping but that's because he works FT and I work PT. It wouldn't occur to me to do separate presents.

Whose money did you use? Just yours or joint?
My dad never bought Christmas presents, but the money came out of the joint account so he saw that as his part of the deal.
You should have that discussion honestly before Christmas, and let him know why it matters to you.

It's definitely something you need to get off your chest. Luckily I've never had to have the chat with DP as we just fell into our own way of doing things. I pay for the pressies DS reall wants, and DP will get him a little something. That suits us.

I'd be cross if he didn't get a little something. That's just a bit rude.

I agree that if you describe someone as your partner and you live together you would expect presents to be joint. Separate presents is a boyfriend who lives elsewhere sort of thing to me. Sounds like you think of him more as a flatmate with benefits than a partner.

Well, what did you expect, when all the presents were from Santa?

Nobody cares who bought them, when Santa gets the thanks and the recognition for buying them.

I think you have double standards.

You bought your steps dc presents from you and your dc because you would get Recognition for buying them, unless you wrote from Santa on the tags.
And you expect your dp to buy your children gifts, without any recognition.

Or did you write From Santa on the present to your step dc?

Why do the children need two sets of presents . Once we lived together I never bought my stepson separate presents from me.

Thanks for your comments. It's our first Christmas living together. Next year I will discuss things more openly!

but you are a family why would he give them seperate presents he probably just assumed you organised all of christmas (which you did ) and he didnt bother his arse about it, he seems lazy and not unkind to your children

Did he buy other people gifts? eg his own children, his relatives?

I bought all my DCs presents with my own money. He bought presents for his family, with his. I just felt that if he'd got them something of his own choosing, then that would be a nice gesture. I guess that's about the stretch of it.

I still think that presents would be from both of you since you live together.

Presents really should be joint, if you're living together as a couple. Unless discussed and agreed otherwise of course.

Red7seater YANBU at all but here's the thing, because you're nice and bought his kids nice presents, you assumed he'd do the same. Now what I don't get is that not only he didn't buy your kids any presents of his own accord, but also he clearly didn't check with you that you were doing combined presents. This would have hurt me too.

If you still have seperate finances then he is being unreasonable, but buying kids who live in a household seperate presents from adults who also live in that household is unusual unless you are just flatmates.