For feeling that we should have done something? I know we couldn't but...

[Enfyshedd]

DSS1 & 2 went away with their mother yesterday for late xmas break. DSS2 (6) has had a cough for a week which had got worse while they were overnight with their mother (she & her DH both smoke), and he's on cough medicine & calpol following visit to docs on Xmas Eve.

DSS2 spent yesterday morning in tears saying that he didn't want to go away and wanted to stay with daddy. And I mean in floods. I don't think things were helped by the fact that their mother was half an hour later picking them up than when we were expecting her, so we were all stood in the hall waiting for a knock before she rang DSS1's mobile to say they were about to leave her house - couldn't she have sent a text to say they were running late?

It was horrible and heartbreaking to watch. DP had to practically prise DSS2 from him and nudge him down the street to his mother's car. I know IABU for think we should have said "No, we're not making him go if he doesn't want to" (in which case, I think DSS1 (14) would have refused to go as well), but I can't help thinking it.

She rang DSS1 when she was leaving her house half an hour after she said she would pick them up from ours. I had my hands full with 7mo DD who's a bit poorly herself, so wasn't able to help much. DSS2 had also been in tears saying he didn't want to go as soon as he'd woken up, so I don't think it would have helped if we'd been curled up on the sofa watching tv instead.

Enfyshedd you don't seem to want to take the advice. Get the 6 year old ready and watching an oft-repeated video and you won't be contributing to the drama. Then exw texts when she's setting off (or even a few mins before arrival) and the kids get their coats on. Easy peasy.

I think you just don't like the exw & wanted to come on here to hopefully hear the same opinion. Yes, she sounds like a nightmare but your step sons are there now & there's very little you can do about it other than go and get them. Chill out, put your feet up & enjoy some time with your daughter.

To be honest, I really feel for you. On the very rare occasions I used to go and stay with my dad when growing up, I'd work myself up and get so upset I'd be sick and everything. And I continued being upset and sick the whole time I was at his house, so my mother didn't always make me go, something I'm really grateful for. This sounds a bit different though, if they see her quite often. But I can understand you having some ill feeling towards her, you just have to try your best not to, whatever's happened has happened now.

you should stop trying,deliberately or not, to escalate the drama at handovers. also maybe try not to let your dislike of your stepsons mother be so obvious-do you think bthe two boys can't sense your dislike? you're an adult so you should try and ease situation not the reverse...

Even the credit .how is that such a big deal ? just sort it if you want to text him, and don't if you don't.

DSS2 has never been upset like that before. There is normally no drama at handovers. DP walks them to hers after school (or between 3.30 - 4pm during holidays) & she has only brought them back to ours herself once since I moved in nearly 2 1/2 years ago because one of the boys was ill and the weather was awful - normally DP walks them over to drop off/collect in all weathers (we only got a car this week).

I can top up a mobile from a bank? Didn't know that (not with Natwest or Lloyds, and hadn't noticed it with HSBC, only the charity donations). Will check that out later - we haven't been near a bank since before Xmas & spent yesterday afternoon feeling like death warmed up.

We did not know she was going to call or text before leaving her house. She had told DSS1 the day before she would be over at 11, and then called at 11.30 to say she was leaving her house. Considering they had a 250mile journey to make, I don't think it was unreasonable for us to think she would be running to the agreed time.

We have text DSS1 yesterday, but haven't had a call back or message via their mother - like I said, the DGPs apparently live in a really rural place so think that mobile coverage is patchy. We don't have the DGP's home number. Will try sending a message to DSS1 via FB if he's able to get online.

Pay as you go mobiles can be topped up by credit or debit card but Idon't know if you can do it remotely.

My phone's on contract - long time since I dealt with a PAYG phone myself. Must remember which network DSS1 is on & go to the shop in town.

If you can contact him then can you buy a voucher and read out the number to him?

HSBC used to let you top up, then stopped it.