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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To hoard about 30 journals instead of burning the lot, upon moving in with DP?

25 replies

travellingbird · 27/12/2012 19:33

Finally fully moving out of the family home (cheers law school debt), and came across a packed drawer full of my old journals, ranging from the ages of about 10 to 21. There are dozens upon dozens of the things. Full to the brim with teenage angst, philosophical musings, dreams and desires, lists of children's names, crushes, first impressions and a whole ton of stories.

It's all terribly self-indulgent stuff, but far from anything like Bridget Jones' prose, and I actually do treasure what I wrote as a young girl. I can't bear to read most of them though, particularly the dark and dismal, yet it all remains part of my identity and personal history, something I simply cannot yet let go of. They all feel too important to simply discard.

Nonetheless, the time has come for me to move out and start afresh. This level of sentimentality is just stupid. I've managed to throw everything else away, putting to one side only the good and beautiful memories of school/ travels/ university/ my DP. For both my own and my DP's sake, I ought to burn the lot. All thirty of them.

AIBU to still want to keep them, somehow? Anaïs Nin style?

Anyone else kept theirs?

OP posts:

Chubfuddler · 27/12/2012 19:35

Why on earth should you burn them? Of course you shouldn't.

LineRunner · 27/12/2012 19:36

Keep them. Put them in a box in the loft or the cellar or a cupboard or under the bed but do not burn them because you are moving with a partner.

And so say I.

dequoisagitil · 27/12/2012 19:37

Keep them. You might want to show your kids one day, you might want to read them back again. You can pack them up in the smallest box you can, and shove them in the back of somewhere. You don't want to get rid, and you'll probably regret it if you do. You'll never get them back once they're burnt.

AmberLeaf · 27/12/2012 19:40

Why get rid though?

Would you feel the need if you were moving in to a place of your own without your DP?

BelleoftheFall · 27/12/2012 19:41

"For both my own and my DP's sake, I ought to burn the lot."

What? I don't understand this at all :( Why for his sake?

You will completely regret burning them, I can't emphasise that enough. They are part of you and you will want them one day to look back on. Maybe not now, but at some point: you may want to share them with someone when you are older or have children. Please keep them somewhere safe.

You can't erase the past and memories by burning your writing.

InNeedOfBrandyButter · 27/12/2012 19:44

Put them in a box in the loft, why have you said you want to get rid of them for your partners sake.

dequoisagitil · 27/12/2012 19:47

I'm confused why it's for his sake as well.

DPotter · 27/12/2012 19:48

Don't burn them ! Ok i have to admit I'm a squirrel of the highest order but that's a hell of a chunk of your life to burn. Have just finished reading a book based on a journal someone kept as a requirement for a course she was on.

keep the journals - you'll regret it if you burn them

peckforton · 27/12/2012 19:51

Do not get rid of them. I did due to a jealous boyfriend making it his mission to find them. I wish now I had sealed them up and hidden them well, as I am now in my fifties and would love to read about the people I wrote about as a teenager and still bump into them now.

JustFabulous · 27/12/2012 19:55

I have very little from my childhood so I have kept everything I have and that includes some diaries.

I keept everything my kids have ever made, drawn, won, etc etc. I kept daily diaries for them from when I found out I was pregnant until they were about 5. I would be very upset if they burned them.

Is your DP trying to make you get rid of them?

Original poster

travellingbird · 27/12/2012 20:09

My reasons for considering burning are two-fold, though I am already swayed heavily towards the storing option! I think I expected this.

So, I wasn't a happy teenager, and it absolutely breaks my heart to read what I thought about myself as a child, and how dark times once were.

And as for my DP, I know she'll come across this thread.... Also she is so very wonderful, and completely respects my writing and my stories. She's certainly not asking me to get rid of them. Yet I wonder if it would be appropriate for me to 'let go' of things, particularly since there are literally 30-40 of these very private journals. A tad burdensome?

OP posts:

JustFabulous · 27/12/2012 20:10

I "let go" of some things and got rid. Years later I still regret it.

Keep them for now, you can still get rid later if you want too. You can't get them back once they are binned/burnt.

InNeedOfBrandyButter · 27/12/2012 20:11

Could you keep them in your parents loft?

CharlieCoCo · 27/12/2012 20:12

Nah, keep them, even if they are dark, you can look back in years to come and see how far you have come. Its a wonderful keep sake. You wont regret keeping them as you will always have both options, but once they are burnt theres no other option, you can regret that.

catsrus · 27/12/2012 20:20

Keep them! After my father died I totally treasured the few very personal things I found - including a lettter from an old girlfriend (not my DM ). It's partly what made you who you are today - at some point in the future you it feel the need to remind yourself of how you felt then, if you and your dp have children they will probably love reading them at some point. Store them in a loft - somewhere!

ChaoticforlifenotjustChristmas · 27/12/2012 20:46

Keep them. You can always get rid of them in the future if you decide that's what you want to do. You can never bring them back.

2rebecca · 27/12/2012 20:49

Keep them, great things to show your kids when they are going through teenage angst and to giggle over with husband years later.

plantsitter · 27/12/2012 20:52

Don't get rid of them. You will regret it, and I can't think why you would regret keeping them. If you don't want to keep them with you can't you continue storing them at your parents' house?

If your DP loves you, she'll love you melancholy youth and all, so I wouldn't chuck them for that reason.

Ephiny · 27/12/2012 20:56

I threw mine away and have never regretted it. I am not at all sentimental and feel there's no point holding onto the past, and my teenage writings were pretty cringe-worthy anyway.

Maybe hold onto the stories if you're still writing or plan to take it up again in the future in case there's some good ideas in there that you can 'mine'. Though my own experience is that the creative ideas I had as a teenager were not really as original or as clever as I thought they were at the time.

It's a personal decision though, not one any of us can make for you.

lottiegarbanzo · 27/12/2012 21:18

I would keep them. You may find things in there in 30 years time that don't jump out as of interest now.

I don't understand your desire to do this for your partner. Are you trying to pretend to be someone you're not really - only the very best bits of you, or those most relevant at the present moment - or are you trying to mold yourself to be who you think she wants you to be? Both those are temporary distortions of yourself and won't be the only relevant aspects as you live through the years together.

Of course you won't be a moody teen again but there will be other aspects of you in there that connect to future experiences, perceptions and, perhaps, to your experience of your children.

You can seal them in a box and stow under the eaves, you don't have to look t them.

HollyBerryBush · 27/12/2012 21:19

lock them in a suitcase and stash them away

BieneMaja · 27/12/2012 23:15

I finally ditched mine this year. I just knew it was time

dequoisagitil · 27/12/2012 23:19

But you have to be sure :)

exexpat · 27/12/2012 23:29

I've kept all of mine, and they make hilarious reading. Recently got back in touch with an old school friend and swapped old diary entries about various events - amazing and rather educational to see how different our perspectives were about various people, parties etc.

My diaries also covered the period when I got together with DH even though I had been sleeping with his best friend at the time. They might have made uncomfortable reading for him, but I trusted him not to read them.

exexpat · 27/12/2012 23:31

Oh, and now DH is dead, I treasure all the snippets about our life together that I might otherwise have forgotten. You may find the same in future about about parents/relatives/friends. I see the boxes of notebooks as my external memory back-up.

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