I need a hand!

[LalyRawr]

Ok, so this isn't an AIBU but I need help and you guys are generally the most helpful in my opinion.

My SIL is about to have an emergency c section after a horrible 48 hour labour with numerous complications. I know that c sections are harder to recover from than vaginal births, so my question is what can I do to help her?

I already have gifts for the baby, but is there something I can get her to help her heal quicker/feel better? Would it be completely weird/stalkerish of me to let myself into their house (have spare key) to clean up so it's nice and fresh when they get home in a couple of days? Or to make some meals and freeze them for BIL to heat up?

I want to help, but don't want to be seen as interfering.

Thoughts?

She's my OH' brothers wife, BUT! I have known her for flipping yonks, she is the one who introduced me to my OH! We were good friends (and still are) so sometimes I feel I do take that for granted and do stuff thinking she won't mind whereas I should probably take a step back.

Hence me asking for advice! I don't want to make her uncomfortable, that's the last thing I want her to feel.

LalyRawr, you can get arnica cream and Arnica homeopathic drops from Boots in the vitamin section. They're just white little drops you suck on every 3-4 hours.

You sound lovely.

I'd be careful with the letting yourself in and cleaning. I'd be horrified if someone did that in my house tbh - but then I am a bit odd how about suggesting it rather than just doing it?

I think the idea of cooking and freezing meals is a great idea.

I agree, don't let yourself into their house and clean/tidy it! I would hate this, I'd find it intrusive and judgemental and really quite odd, even if it was well-meant. I wouldn't necessarily want to have my (limited) freezer space filled up with food I didn't need or want either, or have the hassle of disposing of it.

I agree with waiting until she's home, then asking her/BIL if there's anything you can do to help.

(I also wonder if it was the man who was recovering from surgery, there'd be so many suggestions about doing the cleaning/ironing/cooking etc, or if it would be assumed the woman would just get on and do it, even if there was also a child to look after.)

The trouble with waiting and asking though is that then she has to make decisions (while in a blur of hormones/painkillers/exhaustion) and also if someone asks me if I want something I tend to say, no I'm ok because I don't want to be any bother.

I agree don't let yourself in the house without asking but make a few freezable meals (nothing spicy or garlicky) and maybe get a box of basics in case they are out of bread/milk etc along with a few luxuries like a nice cake, fruit/biscuits for late night feeding and so on. Then whenever you are round there, make sure you do any washing up that's needed and any bits and bobs of housework that aren't too intrusive.

Incidentally, you might want to check what kind of sleeping arrangement they have for the baby. I ended up having a CS and really struggled in the early days getting the baby in and out of the Moses basket at night. I got a bednest on eBay a few days in and it was the best thing we got. Not suggesting you should get them one! But just in case she is struggling it could be a good tip.

You are lovely and thoughtful. Meals would be a great idea, also going to visit and helping out is great and will be appreciated.