AIBU to feel glum and controlled by DH?

[mehday]

Me: (Finally got a few mins to myself after a week of Christmas cleaning and hosting and am listening to a podcast upstairs)
DH; Shall we take DS out for some fresh air?
Me: I am just listening to this, I have been looking forward to it. Would you be OK to go alone?
DH; Well I'd be a bit fed up about it.
Me: (Arriving downstairs) Here I am then
DH: Don't feel you have to come, you clearly don't want to spend time with DS and me.
DS: Starts to be tearful
Me: Comforts DS
We all go out. I feel fed up inside as I didn't want to have to give in but also knew the reaction I'd get if I hadn't. The walk feels tense but we try not to show it to DS. We get home. DH goes straight into the lounge and watches TV. Which is his choice of programme and not suitable for DS. I settle down to play with DS.

AIBU to feel sad inside?

What a manipulative arsehole, putting it mildly and how dare he infer in front of your son that you don't want to spend time with him.

I would feel soul-sunk too, OP. How long have you lived like this?

What reaction would you have got if you had said "I'm sorry you feel that way, I'll play with DS when you get back'

YANBU

No you aren't. I feel sad inside reading it.
Is this the general way of things then?

Manipulation through emotional blackmail

Never mind asking him if he'd be okay to go alone - tell him you're having a rest, so no you won't come!

Arse. This time at Christmas can bring out the worst in people though. Is he normally nicer than this?

He is an utter arse for saying that in front of DS.

YANBU

Does this happen a lot?

He does not sound either a kind or a thoughtful man......

I was going to ask if this is in keeping with his behavior day to day. But perhaps given that you're posting this it's not unreasonable to assume he is.

YANBU to feel glum and controlled. After you had given up your free time to go for the walk he was unwilling to give up his to spend time with DS.

How are things generally though? Could you maybe have a chat after DS has gone to bed and discuss what happened and why it made you feel glum and controlled? If so I would also bring up what he said in front of your DS about you not wanting to spend time with him. Children absorb stuff like that and it can hurt their self esteem.

On another note if you have spent the Christmas period cleaning and hosting with no help I'd expect a bit more support when you have a moment to yourself.

Your DH sounds controlling and nasty. You should arm yourself with some suitable retorts for these occasions so that he shows some respect and doesn't upset you or your DS. Euphemia and Cervix have some good suggestions.

I guess there is usually a mixture of this kind of behaviour and him having DS on his own while I sleep in (I have always needed a lot of sleep and it's got worse as I've been ill and had operations over past few yrs).
I did say later that he shouldn't have said anything in front of DS. Got no reply but hopefully it made him think.
I know this next bit will get certain replies too but it's been a while since we did the deed so he's more tense. This happens a lot and is of course all my fault cos if I did that more often he wouldn't be so narky...yep. My life. I know. We went to Relate last year. He felt it was all me getting at him in front of a stranger. I know I am trapped in a vicious spiral about sex but I can't get into it if I've had a rubbish day/week. Then it all gets worse. And he mentions the wedding vows.
I'll stop now before my keyboard starts fizzing. Just to say we went to Relate as I want to save DS from having separated parents. So am trying my best to stay.

OP if he felt Relate was him being got at, that speaks volumes. Separated parents = surely better than miserable ones. Why is he mentioning your wedding vows, in what context? And do you really want DS to grow up with this as his model for relationships?

oh dear.
why not work out a few of the positives about being a single parent?
by the time you've made a list you'll be pushing your partners kit into binliners and flinging it at the gate.

Your DS has already been upset - 'tearful' - today, and I bet it's not the first time. Sounds to me like you'd all be happier if you split.

If he is using the words of your wedding vows to pressure you into having sex with him when you don't want to, then that is absolutely disgusting and all the Relate in the world couldn't change that for me. Your son will model his behaviour on his dad eventually.

Just read my post back and it sounds like I'm blaming you for your DS being upset. I'm not. It's just that none of you sound happy and you'd probably be much happier apart.

There's nothing wrong with having separated parents you know.

thats disgraceful , I hope you have a word with him.

If you know you are in a vicious spiral about sex then how is that his fault? Was relate to address the sexual issues? Did you tell him that?

If you have issues you haven't resolved in a long time then its no surprise hes getting frustrated.

But in this case he probably just wanted to go for a walk as a family after a week of entertaining relatives and other such chores. Its good to get out from under the bridge now and again.

YABU.

Being effectively bullied into sex by being punished for not having it, is such a turn on isn't it? Doesn't make your skin involuntarily shrink back from his approach at all.

Mehday - it's quite simple. If he wants to have sex with you, he has to be the kind of man you want to have sex with.