starting new relationship 3 months after wife's death.

[skinnywhippet]

Aibu to be completely fed up with my mother. At 53 she seems unable to have an adult relationship. Endless scores of boyfriends-always unsuccessful because she pretend to be something she isn't and idealises them. She's now onto her 5th boyfriend in 5 years. What really bothers me is that his wife of 12 years died in August and she got together with him less than 3 months later in in November. His ex dies suddenly in her sleep and I can't understand how my mum can just stay in the same bed and not be bothered by it. It just seems like it is heading for disaster and she doesn't seem bothered that he must still be grieving and can't poss be ready. I am sure he must be using her (not intentionally) but because he is struggling with being alone. I am at my wits end feeling like she acts like a teenager. So aibu to think it is wrong, or am I a bit too old fashioned?

HollyBerryBushThu 27-Dec-12 20:56:01

Women weep, men marry

How lovely to know that if (god forbid) something happened to my h (who has heart disease and arthritis has been disabled for 6 years but hasnt touched me for 16 years and hasnt wanted to do anything about the problem) that IF someone happened along soon afterwards and IF i happened to like them i would be judged more harshly just because i happen to wear a bra! #everydaysexism

Old thread of mine from a while back.
Double standards for widows and widowers.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/a1449618-Double-standards-for-widows-and-widowers

YANBU and I cannot understand the criticism you are getting. Three months after the death of a spouse seems very very soon to have moved on to another serious relationship. I would be worried if it was my mum.

i read that if a partner dies, sometimes the instinctive reaction is to start another relationship, to convince yourself that you are still alive.

Your mum doesn't sound like good material for a long-term relationship OP, she sounds shallow and very unreliable. 'She has never had a successful relationship.'
Why is that?
It also reads as if she's always prioritised her own relationships over the one she should have had with you.

I agree with others that it is not unusual for people to start a new relationship quickly after losing a husband or wife and nobody has the right to judge them for it. How could you possibly know how he feels or if he's ready OP?

YABU

My Dad was left a widower with 3 children at the age of 31. He met another woman only a few months later and they have now been married for 30 years. She raised me from the age of 2 and has been and still is an amazing mother (and now Nanna). YABU to judge IMO.

I believe that there's actually a massive difference between starting a relationship after a partner dies rather than a separation. Death is final and the partner's feelings don't need to be taken into account. Fine to move on and it'll help with the grieving process.

men marry and woman weep

so surely the men marry woman who wonder why they aren't weeping?

The woman that these men are rushing to marry must surely know that they haven't had time to grieve and therefore marrying them has a high percentage of being a mistake