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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Staring into peoples windows.

27 replies

firefliesinjune · 27/12/2012 12:00

I live on quite a quiet road, we dont have net curtains or blinds, just curtains and as the odd person walks past they sometimes look in. I dont mind this. I look into peoples windows too sometimes as I walk past though I try not to. Blush

However one of my aquaintances/friends recently became very friendly with my next door neighbour. We are all the same age and have children in the same class. My aquaintance/friend is one who I like but I dont think we have too much in common so we havent been to each others houses or anything, just playdates out with others or chatting at school things. I like her but she is very nosy and seems to know EVERYONE.

Now she is getting very friendly with my neighbour and she comes over quite often, this is fine except when she comes to see my neighbour she also stands right in front of my front window (its a bay) and stares in waving at us all and trying to talk to us.

This I find very rude!!! She does not need to stare into my window - my neighbour and I share a path to our doors (terraces) but when knocking on my neighbours door you do not need to look into my house. She actually steps up and walks around the side of the bay to stare in at me.

I told my neighbour and she said she had told this her that we dont normally do that to each other but she is still doing it.

Am I being really stuffy? Am I asking for it having no nets or blinds?

Last time I saw her pull up in the car I told my children not to engage her at the window as I dont like it. Once again on the way out she steps up and peers into my window! I was in the hallway hoovering - I could see her but she couldnt see me. She was having a right nosey!!! My kids ran out of the room and later on she msg me and said she had "stopped" by but the kids ran off and then she did a sad face. I didnt respond.

Is this normal??? Should I just tell her not to be so nosy. If she wants me for some reason she could just knock on my door!

Am going out but will check later to see if IABU about finding this very rude.

I hope not!

OP posts:
OneWellAndTrulyCrackeredMummy · 27/12/2012 12:03

Oh I hate this, its so rude!

Perhaps when you see her car order all the kids upstairs & strip off & do a bit of naked dusting?

Or grab your dp & have some smooching naked time on the sofa for 5 mins?

I have the attitude that if people are rude enough to look into my windows in my house, then they can't complain about what they fucking find! :)

slartybartfast · 27/12/2012 12:04

i was goihg to post same thing crackered.
that shoudl embarrass her.

LatteLady · 27/12/2012 12:05

When I was little, we used to have a chap who stared into our living room each day, as he wended his way to work... until the day my mother lined us all up and gave each of us an handkerchief as we stood in the bay and waved furiously at him as he stared in at us. Funnily enough, he never did it again...

tzella · 27/12/2012 12:06

YANBU

Should I just tell her not to be so nosy. If she wants me for some reason she could just knock on my door!

Yes! Do this! In my opinion her behaviour is not the normal way of doing things, and while I understand other people have different ideas I would be bristling at the intrusion.

As an aside; my mother never had nets and always said if people wanted to peek and see things they didn't want to then that's their look-out Grin

Fakebook · 27/12/2012 12:08

Or grab your dp & have some smooching naked time on the sofa for 5 mins?

DO IT OP, DO IT!

SugaricePlumFairy · 27/12/2012 12:09

This would drive me insane! what a nosy nelly. Xmas Shock

If you're not concerned about upsetting her then next time you catch her doing it, I would go to the front door and tell her that you and the dc's find it uncomfortable and would she mind not doing it, all said with a smile and a 'bye for now' then go back in and hope she's not a Loon! Xmas Grin

dequoisagitil · 27/12/2012 12:11

Maybe she's hoping to see nekkid action.

I'd be tempted to hide just under the window sill when you see her coming, and when she nosies through the window, leap up and bang on the glass - give her the fright of her life Grin.

picketywick · 27/12/2012 12:20

Yes, itis OTT behaviour. I may glance in the odd window discreetly. But no more than that. I am not suggesting you should hire a male stripper to do a turn for the nosey parker.

Fairylea · 27/12/2012 12:22

Yanbu. This would absolutely drive me crazy! I'd have to get nets or those stick on privacy things ... might give her the message !!!

jessjessjess · 27/12/2012 12:30

I would hate this. Buy some blinds pronto!

tzella · 27/12/2012 12:35

No jess! OP shouldn't have to hide Shock

FobblyWoof · 27/12/2012 12:35

I would absolutely hate this. When I growing up a family moved in opposite and the mum used to stare into our lounge from her bedroom window. Every. Bloody. Night. I could understand if we were really interesting!

Tell her to knock in future

BendyBobsBrusselsSprouts · 27/12/2012 12:36

Blimey how rude!

I'd open the door and say 'Can I help you?' I'd be the personification of frosty sarcasm over it actually.

If she says 'oh I was just waving at you' reply 'well please don't' and shut the door.

Or you could go round her house, take the family and anyone else you can round up and line up at her window.

jessjessjess · 27/12/2012 12:42

No you shouldn't have to hide but I couldn't live without blinds or curtains and think it's surely a must if you value your privacy.

WorraLorraTurkey · 27/12/2012 12:48

YANBU

But as an aside, I don't know how anyone can live without blinds.

The thought of being looked at by strangers when I'm relaxing and unaware, creeps me right out.

HECTheHallsWithRowsAndFolly · 27/12/2012 12:50

What about standing up and looking her straight in the eye and slowly and deliberately closing your curtains at her.

Unless she has the IQ of a small piece of cheese, this should surely penetrate...

Original poster
firefliesinjune · 27/12/2012 12:58

Well so glad that I am not being a cow!

She has done it about 6 times in total and the time before last I was actually plucking my eyebrows (you would not be able to see me doing this from outside unless you were right in front of my window staring down) and guess who appears right at my window staring down - her DP and the baby!!!!! He said "what are you doing?" and I was a bit Shock and Blush and I just ignored him but stopped plucking. They stood there for a few more mins until the whole family were assembled outside then they stood waving through the window for a bit. I just ignored them on the whole, just shot a few withering looks. I thought it would give them the msg. They did leave. I just find the whole thing a bit wierd! Yet she appears Christmas Eve and does it again. Maybe getting the kids to run away has worked. If not then there are some great suggestions here.

I cant do anything she would find funny like PDA as she would love it!!! I think I may have to be a bit rude! Its just hard I dont like being rude! Even though she is!!!

OP posts:
bootsycollins · 27/12/2012 13:01

Lattelady that's brilliant hahaha!

Dawndonna · 27/12/2012 13:05

Everytime you see them there, draw the bloody curtains. They'll soon learn.

PiePoPiddlyPo · 27/12/2012 14:41

YANBU

We got some voile curtains put in because a couple of our neighbours used to do this.

One neighbour tapped on the window and shouted yoo-hoo whilst having a good nose in. I was breastfeeding DD at the time Angry

TandB · 27/12/2012 15:08

This would drive me insane.

We used to rent a little house in a slightly odd location in the middle of a common, so only a few houses, a pub and a lot of grass and trees. The house had only been built a few months before we moved in - it was built as a housekeeper's cottage for the big house next door - so people were naturally quite interested when they walked past and saw a new house.

It looked a bit like a mini Huff-house - high pointy roof and big floor to roof windows at the front of the upstairs. It was an upside-down, open-plan house so we were in the room with the big windows most of the time, and accepted that people would be able to see in to some extent. We had a big plant partly covering the part of the window that would show us sitting on the sofa and floaty curtains that covered a bit more, so it wasn't quite such a goldfish bowl. But the lengths that some people went to to see in were amazing! You would get people crossing the road and standing on a fallen log to try to see to the back of the house. There was a high fence at the front and people would come and peer through the slats, alarming DS1 on more than one occasion. One woman walked right in through the gate when DS1 and I were in the garden, and stood inside the fence staring in the window. When I got my voice back and said "er, what are you doing?" she just said she wanted a look at the new house and wandered off, quite unembarrassed.

I took to going to the window and pointing back at people, or waving at them. Some people were embarrassed and walked away, but some got annoyed and others just carried on peering in anyway. On one occasion I did open the balcony door and shout "It's not a museum!"

BoundandRebound · 27/12/2012 15:32

Instead if being uptight or complaining just text her and say "Hi, I'd be really grateful if you wouldn't stare through my front window, it makes all of us feel really uncomfortable. I'm sure you understand how important privacy can be. Happy new year. See you at school."

quoteunquote · 27/12/2012 15:50

Put a large mirror on an easel in front of window, then each time she does it she will get a view of herself.

You will only have to do this for a bit and she will get the message.

SugaricePlumFairy · 27/12/2012 15:59

You don't have to be rude.

As I said upthread when she does it again speak to her at the door and tell her how uncomfortable her actions are making you and your dc's.

All done with a smile of course! Xmas Grin

Lueji · 27/12/2012 16:01

This is why I had net curtains towards the front of the house.
I hate to have people looking in my house.

Now I live on a 3rd floor with no neighbours in front and I am much more relaxed about curtains. :)

If you don't have nets, then it's kind of a message that you're not bothered about privacy.

However, not sure why you are annoyed that she waves at you and tries to talk to you. I think that's kind of nice.

However, I think ignoring her it's really rude, and I wouldn't teach my DS to do that.
If you choose to be in full view of anyone who's outside your window, then acknowledge them, FGS.