To be fed up with pull up nappies?

[spg1983]

Aaargh!

Firstly they don't hold all of DSS's wee on an average night (he's nearly 7, and yes his mum, my DH and I have tried everything to get him dry overnight - doc doesn't want to know until 7th birthday so we are stuck until then). So we end up changing sheets/pyjamas etc most nights which is really taking its toll on us - at 31w pregnant I'm needing sleep more than ever!

He is a lovely boy but is really not used to tidying up in any way. He will now tidy up but only with prompting and with a LOT of grumbling - but we went through a stage when he would just take his pull ups off in the morning and leave them next to our bed on the floor. There were many times when either DH or I would step out of bed, bleary-eyed into a pile of wet nappy. Nice...

We then talked to him about how that was not acceptable and showed him the bin that he should use to put the nappy in. He often forgot but over the last year or so with the help of rewards he's got much better at remembering. However he then started opening the lid but just slinging the nappy on top of the bin and slamming it closed so that the closing mechanism was all caught up in the nappy. Again we spoke to him and showed him what happened if it got caught and extended the reward to putting the nappy in the bin "properly". Today though, I went downstairs and it's caught AGAIN (this is the 4th time this week) and the mechanism is totally broken. A replacement bin of the same type is £70.

Like I said, DSS is a lovely boy who is not naughty, just a bit scatty sometimes and really finds it hard to see the consequences of things. I've spent the morning tidying up after him - clothes, towels, food, toys etc. DH doesn't see it as a problem but I'm just grumpy about the fact that his carelessness (not intentional, but preventable in my eyes) has just cost us £70.

Sorry in advance if IABU, lack of sleep is definitely taking its toll...

Lots of 7yo boys aren't great at tidying up, I don't see that as a problem either tbh. When my boys were that age I could only get them involved in proper tidying with a lot of cajoling and something to look forward to at the end of it. I think that's perfectly normal and I suspect you are only feeling its an issue because you are pregnant and everything is more effort when you are 31 weeks pregnant. Now my dc are older, one of them likes everything in his room tidy and I don't even have to remind him. The other will tidy when he's asked to because he is now old enough to see the point of it, but he still doesn't really care whether he is surrounded by mess or not. Be careful not to make the mess thing into a bigger issue than it actually is. If your DH doesn't see it as a problem too, then it's probably not that big a problem and it's just the way you feel about it.

With regards to the nappy bin, I'm assuming you have one of those proper nappy bins that double wraps the nappy? Sorry, can't remember what they are called! But if the bin is causing a persistent problem, then don't use it! Go to the local pound shop and get one of those plastic bins with a lid on it and get him to use that instead. You can transfer the used pull ups into it yourself.

I think you need to watch that you aren't expecting too much out of a child who is only seven and is only spending some of his time at your house. It's not going to be nice for him to spend time at his Dads house if you are on his case about being tidy the whole time, especially when he has the idea of a new sibling to get used to.

Yeah I was kind of expecting an answer like that! The bin is the normal kitchen bin - I was shocked at how much it was, think DH owned it before we moved in together as I'd never spend that much on a bin normally! So it does really have to be replaced with something half-decent really, at the moment it's just sitting there with the lid open and it'll start to smell the moment we out something in it.

The tidiness is an issue for me - DH is very very untidy to the point of very bad hygiene - mouldy food left about the house, toenail clippings on sofa, dirty clothes left in kitchen as it's "too much hassle" to put them into washing machine, mud (and worse) traipsed through house from dirty shoes and not cleaned up etc. I've often joked that if we were jsust housemates and not married, I'd have moved out by now. I've tried leaving it for him to sort out but it takes him weeks to realise the mess is too much and frankly it's unhygienic and embarrassing as he loves having guests over and I can't bear them to see (and smell!) things like that.

So I think IABU on the bin thing but just wanted to clarify that DH will never ever be fussed by mess, even if we lived at a rubbish dump. I think I am getting more stressed as I'm worrying about the new baby, I hate things being dirty and just feel a bit grumpy at wasting money on new bins etc when we're going to have to tighten our belts soon.

We don't really have many house rules for when DSS is here, just two main ones, clear up when we've made a mess and eat at the table. I didn't want to be the evil stepmother but thought those two were reasonable?

you don't need to spend £70 on a bin with a lid, swing-top bins are about a tenner.

you do seem to have two hygiene-challenged housemates. One is 6 and so has an excuse. What excuse does the other one have?

sorry - untidy is one thing, but student-gross should be left behind beyond 21.

Ugh...I totally agree. Think I'll buy a cheaper bin instead as no doubt it'll get trashed again!

I think DH has just never been pulled up on his untidiness and general lack of organisation. Everyone I know has just tidied up after him and I think he sees me as a clean freak when actually I'm really no different to the average person. Apparently in his old house, he had snails and slugs in the carpet, he used to eat a meal off a lap tray and slide it under the sofa when he'd eaten enough and then go back to it a day later. There were also some wall tiles in the hallway and one of them got splashed by water one day, inadvertently cleaning it a bit. Rather than clean the rest, he went out to the garden and rubbed a bit of mud onto it so the white patch wasn't obvious!

I didn't know him back then and he has come a long way since those days but this is why things like wet nappies just discarded onto the floor didn't bother him. He earns a lot of money in a job with lots of responsibility and thinks nothing of replacing things if they are broken or lost. I'm actually a lot like his ex-wife in that I believe we should look after things and keep the house clean. She was horrified to hear that DSS was leaving nappies in our room and asked him why he did it, he replied that "daddy doesn't tell him to clean up like mummy and spg do". We get on really well and she has asked me to keep up with the house rules as it'd be awful if DSS got into bad habits and it started impacting on her, plus she doesn't want to be seen as the one who nags about tidying and eating at the table - she wants DSS to realise it's not just her who sees it as important.

Am starting to realise it's not really the nappies which are bugging me!!

Why won't the doc do anything until your DS is 7?

You don't have to wait until he's 7, you can buy mattress alarms.

Although Desmopressin is a far better solution. My DS was prescribed it from 5

I don't know, DSS's mum has taken him to the doctors a few times about it and apparently he is sticking hard and fast to some guidelines which say no specialist referral until 7th birthday. She wants to make as little fuss about it as possible which I can understand and DH and I fully respect so doesn't want to try anything which will disrupt his sleep and possibly make him feel ashamed so no alarms. She has also categorically said that she doesn't want him to take medication for it either. Very frustrating but we are following her lead as she has him for 4 or 5 nights out of 7 each week and feels very strongly about it. She must have a worse time with the leakage but has made her decision despite this.

They don't refer before 7 because it is simply the fact that it takes some children's bladders longer to 'mature' and get the message at night time. According to my GP, when we took my DD1 there when she was 6.

We went back at 8, got some advice and tried it.
Then at 9. Got referred to the aneuresis clinic. They gave more advice, which didn't really work, and prescribed desmomelts, which did.

She still isn't 100% reliably dry and she is 11, nearly 12.

Ditch the pull up nappies. Go on to the pyjama pants and a disposable mat on the bed. They are more expensive, but it saves a lot of laundry.

Sorry to hijack, but we usually put the mat down ( when we used them, but he is back in pull ups ATM) under the sheet to protect the mattress, which meant aching sheets still. How do you get them to still still on top of the sheet? Also, are there bigger mats for the whole bed as ds is a wriggler and one would just. Get caught up, as would multiple small ones?

My DD puts the mat on top of the sheet. She puts it on sideways so it wraps under the edge of the mattress at the back and front of the bed. It is still wide enough then to cover the area she needs even if she moves. She's only using these now as doesn't like (and doesn't really comfortably fit) pyjama pants.

One of the new bed mats says it has a sticky back to help it stay in place.
It still shows it being for under the sheet, but I'd try it on top first.

Not the point of your post but is it a brabantia bin? Go on their website and they will send you a replacement lid entirely free-waranty claim

Yes it is! Wow, thank you so much - I love this site! :)