Family members who make you feel farty and inadequate

[BunFagFreddie]

AIBU, or do some people in your family just make you feel farty and inadequate? I saw a close relation today who has a great job, big house, two children (whilst I just have one and have always wanted more, but have never met a suitable man), married (again, nobody has actually wanted to marry me), she is outgoing (I am shy) and is really tall skinny (I am short and have to semi starve myself to stay at a size 10).

She has always been the centre of attention since we were little. After I see her I just feel like crying, because she just seems to have everything that I want.

She is very nice, but AIBU to feel as though being around her just highlights all of my shortcomings?

I have friends and family members who have lovely lives, genuinely very happy and content with their lot. I do get envious sometimes (especially when they have healthy babies) but for the most part I am happy for them. If they are nice people and you have a good relationship, it's easier to be happy for them, than if you don't get on!

Also as aside, think about what you have got. Christmas can always be a little self reflective, but it's worth knowing that you have a lovely child and hopefully you had a wonderful Christmas together.

Don't compare - therein always leads to tears.

An old friend recently blurted out in a very heated, emotional conversation that I am her 'farty friend'.

Apparently, I have a 'perfect life' viewed from afar. I have a wonderful husband, she is a single mum with an abusive twat ex. I live in a big house, she still lives on the council estate we grew up on. I have a career I enjoy, she is stuck in a deadend job she hates. I am slim and gorgeous, she is short and dumpy (her words). People listen when I talk, apparently, whereas she feels invisible.

Sometimes honesty is painful but essential between good friends. I am glad she told me how she feels. I was able to confide in her - things I had not told her, probably for fear of shattering this illusion people have of me and my perfect life!

I have severe bi-polar disorder, which clouds my life and has a profound effect on my entire family.the perfection is an illusion. My marriage has almost cracked up several times because of my behaviour during my manic phases. My work suffers immensely when I am depressed. I lost so much weight this year and am so 'slim and gorgeous' because I lost my appetite in a manic episode and
Lost nearly two stne in a month.

I like what a previous poster said about not comparing the inside of your life to the outside of someone elses. Life is hard. Nobody is perfect.

OP, you have described your cousin the same way a lot of relations and neighbours describe me. I love most aspects of my life and wouldn't change any of it - except for one thing!
I have (undiagnosed) Aspergers, the effects which these people don't see when I am in a relaxed environment with them. However, it has held me back from doing a lot of stuff in my life and socially, I would give anything to live in a normal person's body even for a few days!
But I feel blessed with what I have, so I shouldn't complain.

years ago when feeling shit I told and ex he made me feel XYZ... he replied that no-one can make me feel anything I'm not already feeling... he was right! we all want something or other other people have, that's life! its tough but no one can be accountable for your unhappy feelings except yourself which means you have full control on making yourself happy! be thankful for what you have, have some cake and make 2013 a good year!

wanted to add, what my ex said to me made me feel even shittier at the time... so sorry if I don't sound helpful... but it did help me in the long run!

SnowProbs, you know what? I have bipolar disorder which has caused countless problems for me. It's easy to look at people without mental health issues and think that things just come easily to them.

I do really like this family member and get on with her. Thinking of her being unhappy brings me no pleasure at all and I am glad that she has a lovely husband and beautiful children. Tbh, her job isn't that great, it's just a solid, respectable profession. I am a freelance designer. People often think that means I don't have a real job despite the fact that I often work a 6 day week.

To be honest there's loads of good things about my life. I suppose it's just a hangover from being a child, when my parents used to always tell me I should be more like her!

I have family members who male me feel like this and friends for that matter.

But. I have learnt to try fight these feelings because I feel so lucky my dd has made my life complete, I have a dp who adores me and im finally comfortable (ish) in my outgrown skin.

I may not have what they have but they don't have what I have. I wouldn't swap for all the tea in china.

I'm probably that relation to a certain extent. But note the time of this post. Dd has been up at this time every night for days weeks months years

I am very tired.

I often feel like I am swimming through treacle.

And we spent most of October thinking that we were going to lose (through miscarriage) our much wanted second child. I'm 18 weeks now and still can't go to the loo without fearing seeing blood again. Deep down I think of this baby as "poor doomed baby" as I grieved for it when they said I would probably lose it. And I'm scared I will never bond with it as I'm too scared to bond with it. (It's 3am - I know I don't make sense.)

And dd has just done a really smelly trump!