to say no more overnight visits from MIL

[CatchTheFox]

my MIL is super nice, wouldn't say boo to a goose,she is a loving, considerate lady and doting grandmother. But, in a nutshell, she snores like a warthog in an amplified oildrum and it disturbs the whole house when she stays :(

My 2 year old was woken last night at 4am and my husband had to sleep in his room so he would settle, this NEVER happens unless she stays. The noise obviously scares him.

Likewise, my 11 month old has already needed settling back to sleep twice since she went to bed an hour ago.

She and FIL are so nice, but it drives me up the fucking wall to have to lie here listening to her drilling away in the next room while we all toss and turn all night.

Should I put my foot down and say no more? It's so disruptive. They are going home tomorrow anyway thank fuck.

Sorry. Suck it up and be glad it isn't genetic yet.

Errm as annoying as it is to have your children wake in the middle of the night, you have to weigh this up.

Considering they could be woken by a nightmare, noisy passers by, a Christmas or New Year's Eve party, a fire engine/other siren, a helicopter etc...

Do you really want to embarrass and upset such a loving, considerate and doting woman for the sake of a few disturbed nights that she can't help?

Think very carefully.

You got through the new born feeding/teething stages and survived didn't you?

YANBU. People who say otherwise have no experience of all-night, full-volume snoring. It drives you to the brink. Can you offer to pay for a hotel room for them? Be as kind as possible to lovely MIL, but... no more overnights.

Get some ear plugs. Swap rooms around a bit if you can. You need to discuss it, my DF snores like this and after me getting very upset a few times he now doesn't sleep in a room near me at all when I visit.

DM spends a lot of her day every day wondering why she feels so tired.....

Years and years of moaning about being tired..... When we all know its because she has incredibly disturbed sleep. She can't see it though! Anyway I digress....

Wax ear plugs
White sound
Falling asleep with some tunes playing gently on headphones
Kids in your room
MIL sleeps downstairs/as far away as possible from everyone

It's awkward but you have to tell her. She sounds lovely. Bad snoring is often a sign of something more. I'm still trying to get DF to get checked out!!

Don't be so sure Bestof7. We used to have a house guest who snored so badly that I could hear it two floors and several rooms away with wet cotton wool in my ears. But she was my Mum's best friend so we lived with it. Once for 10 days...

As a snorer myself, it's utterly embarassing and there's fuck all I can do about it - short of losing weight instantly. Depending on how close you are, you could mention it in passing and ask if she's tried any of the "cures". Boot's do some nasal spray thingy which works - or maybe you could kick start a NY family health/weight loss initiative which could combat the problem?

As she sounds so lovely from your OP, it doesn't seem worth losing a great relationship over something so trivial (fwiw my three could sleep through an earthquake, I console myself that my snoring is helpful in that way!)

There are really good earplugs - wax ones that mould to the shape of your ear canal. I used them on a trip staying in lots of hostel dormitories which can be really noisy. I would say it is worth a try at least if your MIL is so lovely, you might also be able to persuade her to try Breatheasy strips which go accross the bridge of the nose and keep airways open in a way that can reduce snoring.

Maybe your DH would volunteer to go and stay with them for the night and have a test run? It would be such a shame to give up on family overnight visits if there is a solution.

If someone knows that they snore that loudly (and of course she may not), it's rude to show up as a houseguest and keep the whole house awake, teeth on edge. Very loud snorers should accept that they need to find a hotel room.

It's horrible. I'm fully aware i snore, there is nothing I can do very embarrassed and if someone mentions it I am mortified.
Mil likely knows, poor woman

she knows it disturbs us, we've spoken to her about it and she tried one of the spray things and those electric shock bracelets but with little effect.

I honesty would not care if it was just us and not the kids. I hate the thought of my son being scared by the noise in the night - it's terrifyingly loud! my littlest sleeps with us so at least I'm there to reassure him.

gahhhhh, it's tricky.

So should my DH get a hotel room then?

He can't help it. It's crap but I don't really think I can punt him out to the nearest premier inn.

And I wouldn't dream of suggesting hotel rooms to potential house guests either. That would be very inhospitable.

Snoring becomes more likely with age actually so most of us will end up doing it probably.

I bet Queenie snores too ...

No, lisad, there's nothing you can do about snoring, and I'm sorry you're afflicted with it. It is awful to live with. But there is something snorers can do about being houseguests... just don't be one. Unless you know for certain that your hosts don't mind, you really can't do that to people. If MIL knows she is disturbing the household, she shouldn't come to stay overnight.

Your immediate household is another matter, Salmotrutta! (though sorry for your DH's snoring) But OP's PIL normally live elsewhere, and as she knows she snores to the level of serious disturbance, MIL should make other arrangements. It is rude to put her DIL in this position.

Yes it is unreasonable to ban overnight visits entirely - snoring is not something she can prevent. Nose strips or earplugs would be worth investing in, though.

Well, we have relies who stay here who also snore.

I would never ask them to stay in a hotel.

It's only a few nights here and there and whilst I totally understand that it's not good if children are being kept awake, I'm struggling to see how someone could actually embarrass someone by telling them their snoring means they have to stay in a hotel. That's just a bit mean

How often in a year does she stay with you?

Can you not take your 2yr old in with you when she does?

Overuse of "someone"!

It is mean to stay in someone's home and keep them awake and on edge, esp when you know full well you are doing it.

Also overusing 'someone'!

Bestof7 I avoid being a house guest where ever possible but have had to warn friend that I snore as we are sharing a hotel room in London next month

I agree with Bestof7 it is very rude and selfish to knowingly afflict sleepless nights onto people you supposedly love.

My mum decided she would come to stay for 3 nights when DD was a few weeks old and after the phone call to arrange it i cried and cried.
I need sleep, i have stayed at hers and will not do it again because at 36 weeks gone i got no sleep at all, i tried every room upstairs and i could feel it vibrating against bedding etc
She knows she snores, she knows how loud it is, but she thought it would be fine to come and stay ( when she said visit, i thought as a day trip which is why i first agreed).
I just can not believe people think this is ok??

BTW, me and DH snore from time to time, but there is a whole different level of snoring that my mother goes to, it is shocking.

they stay every couple of months. there's no room
in our bed/bedroom for my 2 year old unfortunately.

i think we are just going to have to grin and bear it. I will at least try and limit visits to 2 nights max.

YANBU to want to ban her - I have experienced the same and ended up havign to sleep on couch to get away from it.

But I think you know that you can't really. Has she tried using something like this www.therasnore.co.uk/why-its-best/? It worked with the snorer in my life.