to expect that our parents should be able to manage their own finances?

[Theicingontop]

I'm so sick and tired of lending my parents and the MIL money. My parents are longterm unemployed through choice, and my MIL is a single mother, and doesn't work. We are lending them money on a weekly basis.

My parents just asked to borrow £25 to cover their direct debits because they overspent on Christmas. But last week it was because they'd run out of gas and electricity. The week before that, they needed to buy cat food. I could go on. We get it back in bits and pieces from them, but from my MIL, not at all.

She owes us, at my last count, around £400, and that's only counting the money I know of. It gets to the point where she doesn't remember borrowing it, or when we bring it up she acts shocked as if it was a gift. She guilts OH into it using his 3yo sister. He moans about it but always seems to give in. I can understand to a point, he doesn't want his sister to suffer.

WIBU to say no more?

Just had enough. I understand that family sometimes lean on eachother, but it's like we have BANK tattooed across our foreheads.

Say no and that you can't afford it. The more you do it the more they will expect it.

If you say no will your dh stick to it?

You have already said there maybe money given to her that you don't know about.

I don't know if he would. She calls us in floods of tears, begging. She can be very persuasive.

I think if we closed the doors to the bank she'd get her shit together or go hungry.

Just think its ludicrous that we're in our twenties, and constantly bailing out our parents. Surely it shouldn't be like this

No it shouldn't be like this at all. But it is. You can do it with your own parents. But if he won't stick to it and lend behind your back. You will end up being the evil dil who would let a child starve.
Yanbu, but that's what she will see.

It is ludicrous and no, it shouldn't be like this. If your DP wants to help his sister then he can buy things directly for her, he doesn't have to hand over money. Ultimately though, if its his money and you aren't married, he can give it away to whoever he likes. I can't say I'd want to be with a man who'd prioritise a pathetic excuse for a mother over me though.

If you stopped giving them money, they would find a way some how. You are making it too easy for them at the moment.

When you get your money, put all the money that you don't need for essentials into a separate savings account, and hide the card that goes with it, then when they ask you for money you can genuinely tell then that you don't have it to give.

Yanbu at all.

I could not tolerate this and have no patience or respect for financially incontinent adults.

Mil is being manipulative to boot which would get my back right up.

You shouldn't have to, but you need to be realistic. Could you agree with your husband how much you're prepared to give each set of parents? Say you can afford, and are willing, to lose £50 a month for each. Budget for it - keep a jar and put £50 a month in each. Separate jars for each parent. If they pay it back, it goes back into the jar, Su they have more to borrow from (don't tell them that!) Whenever they ask to borrow, it comes out of the jar - if there's no money there, they can't have it. It might help control what is leant, but also make it more visible - which could put him off lending too much?

stop paying out.

Yanbu. I would say no from now on. It's not your fault they can't budget and you are currently enabling them.

One friend when asked by another to borrow money would say, I have no spare cash left but will come with you to the supermarket/pharmacy etc and buy what you need on my credit card and that seemed to stop the problem as she felt the friend was asking for money for food but actually wanting if for alcohol and cigarettes etc! If you were standing over them when paying for food or bills you could at least ensure it was being spent properly and not wasted.