to want to kill DH?

[LookingForwardToMarch]

So had a fab day yesterday, visited family/friends and generally just had a lovely time.

That was until the last part of the night. We had spent the evening around the SIL's. It was just me, DH, SIL, and her bf.

Also had a nice time around there. SIL and her bf are friendly and made us feel very welcome.

DH was absolutely hammered but was being very loving. That is until the last ten minutes. DH suddenly sat with his arms crossed and a face like a smacked arse. We said our goodbyes...

And as soon as we got in the car to come home DH unleashed a torrent of abuse.

Apparently I only had eyes for SIL's bf. I fancied bf and had probably given him a blow job. I told him he was being an idiot.

The he went on and on about how his ex had had a thing for SIL's bf too.
So I told him he was turning into his father (DH always complains that his father always got drunk and caused fights which ruined xmas)

To which DH screamed 'F*K OFF, FK OFF, F*K off' and generally ranted about SIL's bf again.

Went to bed in stony silence and DH is still sleeping off his hangover.

So... AIBU to want to go up and either a) drench him. B) put a pillow over his face?

P.S am also 7 months pregnant with my first

I agree. Is he going to stop drinking? Because if he will then you may be ok. Otherwise I think you need to be very careful. It's not normal or reasonable to accuse your pregnant partner of handing out blow jobs over the Christmas tea.

Yes, most blokes occasionally get jealous. They don't however, show this by flying into a sulk that ruins a festive atmosphere, "unleashing a torrent of abuse", saying disgusting things about blow jobs and screaming at their pregnant wife to fuck off. While she's driving.

You should think seriously about whether you want to stay with this man. It won't get better.

OP This is not acceptable behaviour. I agree with everything Xales has said.

Smothering would be good, but would be identified as such at post mortem. A staged accident would be better?

It sounds like a very nasty incident though. As it comes on the back of other displays of jealousy, you do need to think very hard about what this means. If you conclude it was one-off, he is contrite when he rouses, and is receptive to both working on his attitude and controlling his drinking, then it's a recoverable situation. If he tries to just sweep it under the carpet or doesn't see it was wrong, then it's far more serious.

wouldn't I have heard about it if he behaved like this before?

No. Although I would say that a broken marriage is a red flag. What does he say about his ex, other than that [he unreasonably thought] she fancied his sister's boyfriend?

:( I am sorry the end of your Christmas Day was ruined. Don't have anything to add advice wise as pp have said it all, but I h ope your talk goes well.

His ex partner and him have an amicable relationship, by that I mean they talk about dsd politely.

He got up not long ago. Very apologetic and swears he won't get hammered again. Apparently last night he had a few vodkas (I didn't see this) and this makes him v.drunk.

I told him how shocked and upset I was and that if he did it again he would be living at his mothers.

He does genuinely seem very sorry. But thankyou for all the fab advice and I will be keeping an eye out

And I think i will let him dangle for a while longer before I let him know he is on his way to being forgiven

OP this isn't acceptable. I agree with others about plan b.

I don't mean to be alarmist, but that's how my violent SD started with my mother. :(

OP I hope it was you doing the driving last night, and not him behind the wheel in that condition!

That is how my exh started shortly followed by beatings (at 5 mths pregnant) and mental abuse.

I am not saying he will go that way but be very careful please.

Op, he's got a nasty side to him that WILL reappear again in the future, he was more or less calling you a whore and that shows he has no respect for women.

"Would never raise a hand to me"

The problem is, nobody thinks it will happen until it does. I'm with the majority here - not advocating LTB, but by all means be alert from now on for other red flags. Don't end up in an abusive relationship several years down the line where you feel unable to leave for the sake of your DC.

Maybe someones given him a blowjob and hes projecting.

Pot, kettle, black

My H was fond of this sort of accusation whilst fucking about.

"I only really noticed because I figured his insecurites would not be as bad because I am blatantly pregnant and not running after other men!"

So you noticed issues before you were pregnant?

I can't believe how anything a man does wrong on MN automatically turns into 'alarm bells' and potential violence.

It's ridiculous, and it would make me laugh if it wasn't so tragic.

Isn't it possible that the OPs DH has a little jealous streak that is usually harmless but that he got drunk and so his little sensitivities and worries all came to the surface?

It's not like it's unusual for a man to feel slightly inadequate when their wives are pregnant for the first time. Ok, so he already has another child, but his relationship clearly went wrong last time and he could just be paranoid that its going to happen again.

There are plenty of women on this site who admit to having jealous tendencies, yet they get told that their DHs should be supportive and understanding and reassuring, but then a man needs that and it's completely different!

I'm very much not saying that what the DH here did is ok, but it was a drunken outburst of emotion, stop blowing to out of all proportion.

You say he can be jealous - well how is he going to cope when your baby is born? We don't know the ins and outs of your relationship but I don't think you would have posted on here unless you were really concerned. I can't predict whether he will become physically abusive but the emotional abuse he has already demonstrated is not acceptable. Good luck with everything.

SirSugar might be onto something. I know of at least two instances of rhis.

Festive, are you reading the same thread as I am?

Just wanted to say that definitely, not all men get jealous, and his outburst imho went way beyond a throwaway remark that one might say in haste and regret.

There isn't a "type" that is emotionally, physically or sexually abusive. They look and even often act just like men who don't abuse. The only difference is that they choose to abuse, often only in situations where no one else sees that side of their character.

Blaming the alcohol is a cop out. If he chooses not to get into a situation where he might "get hammered" (I'm thinking total abstinence here,) then maybe he means it. Alcohol doesn't "make" a person say or do things that they don't already think or on some level want to do. It just lowers the inhibitions but can never be an adequate excuse for harm caused while drunk. Ever.

It's not unusual for a man to feel slightly inadequate when their wives are pregnant. That doesn't give a man license to behave in an abusive and threatening way like the ops husband has done.

Not all men get jealous. My DH doesn't, my father never has over my mother and I know many friends relationships where there are no jealousy issues.

It would be a massive red flag for me.