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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my dh is tight

38 replies

rubberglove · 25/12/2012 18:36

My dh was raving on about how he was going to treat me this year. I got a Kindle from his mum and dad, which he contributed to but it was labelled from them.

Now I am delighted with a Kindle and I think his parents are lovely to buy the bulk of it for me. But I do not think my dh has 'spoilt' me in any way. He earns a good wage, he could have bought it himself.

Yet he always has plenty to spend on wine

OP posts:

Arisbottle · 25/12/2012 21:35

I just think people show love in different ways. DH buys me gifts at other times of the year and this year he did even buy me something. However he does know that I am not bothered about getting Christmas presents , if they meant a lot to me he would buy them.

jessjessjess · 25/12/2012 21:39

It's not about showing or proving love. It's about fun and affection and thoughtfulness.

Not being funny but if you only wanted a man for things you couldn't do yourself I'm sure a lot more women would be single parents.

I'm touched that DH spent time choosing presents for me. It's the time and thought that count, not the money.

Arisbottle · 25/12/2012 21:40

When I think of times between DH and I that are exciting, full if anticipation or passionate they tend not to involve gifts. It is just the way we are, the world would be dull if we were the same.

That does not mean that he never plans surprises for me, he is very romantic. This month he has been converting a small gypsy caravan style house into a new chicken coop for me. He has been at it for weeks and when he did the big reveal he made a path down the the bottom of the garden with candle filled jars. That means so much more to me than a bath set or perfume.

Arisbottle · 25/12/2012 21:42

I agree that someone spending time on you shows love and this year DH bought me a present and I was quite touched. But I am not someone who likes collecting stuff for the same of it, I just have that gene missing.

He gets me gifts at other times of the year .

froggies · 25/12/2012 21:42

Knd of depends.

Do you buy gifts for him for Christmas? Does he usually buy you something that he has actually thought about?

If the answer is yes, then it is probably an oversight, tell him how you feel and hopefully it won't happen again. If the answer is no, then you are probably expecting too much, and although I can totally understand you feeling upset, him being crap about presents is't unexpected.

However, if there is usually an imbalance in how you approach gift giving, you need to speak about it, it isn't really the cost of the items that matters, its the thought and the effort that goes into getting something that will be appreciated and then doing something about it that is important.

The last Christmas with exp, his sole effort towards my Christmas presents were socks from DD1, socks from DD2 and money towards the iPad I was saving for at the time, I had saved £400 he topped it up, and then told everyone he had bought it for me. in return he had asked for an iPod classic, and I got him a banjo (as he had often talked about wanting one, but had't actually asked for it) from DD's. He was self employed tradesman, I was p/t childminder. Well rid.

ShellyBoobs · 25/12/2012 21:43

If you are married his wages are family money...

Not every couple runs their finances that way and being married has FA to do with it.

Arisbottle · 25/12/2012 21:44

I haven't said that buying gifts isn't a lovely thing to do, it is. It is just not something that particularly rocks our boat. We do things for each other at Christmas and much prefer that to buying each other gifts. I make him all his favourite foods. Perhaps if we needed things but because money is not particularly tight and if I want something I would just get it, presents do not really interest me.

TinkerMcJingles · 25/12/2012 22:11

That's weird that a grown man would share the cost of a present for his wife with his parents

Adversecalendar · 25/12/2012 22:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jessjessjess · 25/12/2012 22:27

Not all "family money" here either.

Arisbottle · 25/12/2012 22:29

I agree adverse.

If I wanted presents my DH would buy them. He does not buy for himself and forget others.

blueshoes · 25/12/2012 23:07

I am not fussed whether dh gets me a present or not. It is just not a big deal to me. I prefer to buy stuff for myself because I can get it exactly right.

butterfingerz · 26/12/2012 00:58

I think the wankerish thing is to muscle in on his parents present, wankerish to his parents and op, that's worse than just not buying anything I think.

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