to not want to drag toddler out of bed at midnight when there IS another way

[MulledWineAndScully]

On Boxing Day we (Me, DH, 15mo DD and GSD dog) will go stay at in-laws for 3 days. We are staying at my MIL's 1-bed flat and my MIL moves out to go stay with my SIL (her DD) 3 doors away. My SIL has 3 empty bedrooms, one with cot, and I have never understood why we cannot stay there and leave MIL out of it - I've asked DH and he just palms me off.

Anyway all the 'action' happens at my SIL's place iykwim, including meals, so we are constantly trooping between the 2 buildings. At 7pm we usually leave to put DD to bed and then either me or both of us stays with her. Sometimes DH goes back to his sister's and I just read or watch tv or whatever (DD asleep in lounge so I'm confined to bedroom)

Anyway my SIL and DH have decided between them that, as its Xmas, DD will go to bed in the cot at my SILs and we can stay at the party or play games or whatever. Then when we go home we will go get DD, and take her outside back to my MILs place. I'm really not happy about this decision as it is totally unnecessary in my eyes. I am quite happy to go and stay at MILs at 7pm rather than disturb her. My DH says I am being antisocial, but I like a party as much as the next person, I however do not think its fair on DD. if SIL was that bothered about our presence she would surely put us up overnight?

Further info is that, due to illness, DD has not had a decent nights sleep for 4 nights.

So AIBU and should I just go along with this? My DM says she would not do it but she isn't always the best person to ask.

Oh and merry Xmas everyone!

Well, I'd do it - have done many times, for the sake of staying at someone's house / party. My toddlers transfer well from cot to car to cot at home and I don't like missing all the fun (and if you're only 3 doors down it isn't as if she'd be disturbed for long).

But it sounds like you don't really want to stay at SIL's... in which case, maybe you should be honest with your DH, even if to the wider family you continue to use your DD as your excuse?

sorry should have said, Merry Christmas to you too!

Personally no, I would do as you have suggested and take your child to bed at a good time. An overtired child who has been ill will not have fun or be fun the next day for interrupted sleep.

But this is based on how DS would react to the same situation. Some children can be moved easily while asleep and some can't.

You know your child and are best placed to decide what is best for her.

Can't see what the problem is at all, tbh. I think you're making a fuss about nothing.
Go and enjoy the party, your DD probably won't even wake up during the short move. And, furthermore, it's Christmas! Surely one very minor change to her routine is worth it, to enjoy the party? (or is it in fact the case that you don't want to go to the party anyway?!)

Merry Xmas!

Do you have your pram? DD could sleep in there til you want go back to MIL's. We've done this before with our similar age DD & she isn't disturbed much as we can transfer her quickly.

If, on the other hand, if you've had 4 crap nights just wanting to chill out in peaceful surroundings & get an early night is perfectly understandable! If this is the case, you'll have had all day with family so I wouldn't worry too much!

DH sometimes pushes me to socialise usually when I'm knackered because he loves me & worries about me missing fun. It takes a lot to convince him the most fun thing I can think of is bed at 9pm!

Hope you have a good day!

It does seem odd to stay at MILs her move into SILs and then do all your socialising at SILs. It makes sense for you all to stay at SILs. Maybe she doesnt want you as guests

Sorry I should be more clear, it's not an official 'party', it's 3 nights of sitting in their lounge making conversation, possibly a game or two if we manage to force them, probably staring at the tv. More a gathering of a very small family really (me, DH, MIL, SIL, BIL). There's rarely booze, so not really a party ha! We will see them during the day (plus my niece and her own toddler who leave at 6pm for bed!)

I do like my SIL though I admit to being put out that she is reluctant to put us up and would rather we disturbed her niece in the night like this. No she doesn't transfer well and wakes at the sound of a gnats fart, she will be awake for at least an hour.

Interesting to hear your views on this, thanks.

Why don't you suggest that instead of moving your dd, you crash out on her bedroom floor at midnight, and see what they say!

If this was DC1, then I wouldnt have done. I was still am vpfb about him when he was little, and he wakes up to a sparrows fart, and tales ages fo re settle.

I would with DC2 though, Im far less precious about him (although love him overwhelmingly like I did with my first, of course) and he transfers well. As in, I could swing him round by his feet and he'd stay asleep.

I would suggest what magic house said.

How very strange that your SIL wants you to leave. I cant imagine anyone I know doing that.

I would be very grateful that MIL was moving out so we could have a place to ourselves, I always feel really awkward bunking in somebody else's house with the kids, and I can also understand why SIL may not be comfortable with house guests beyond her DM. I love having visitors but I feel extremely self conscious about others seeing me in my pjs, and value my privacy.
My MIL also lives a few doors away from us and whenever she babysits she has the kids at her house, they fall asleep there then we carry them home and pop them straight into bed as she puts their PJs on for us.

I can understand that this way of doing things may not be what you are used to but there is nothing wrong with it.

take the toddler home to bed at a reasonable time. leave your dh with his family.

maybe you don't stay with sil because she can't stand the idea of you staying in her house.