To not change the time of Christmas lunch because exH has --demanded-- asked me to?

[ninjinglebells]

a bit of history - 2nd Christmas separated, last Christmas he had the girls Christmas eve and I took them to my family in the afternoon (but not until 4 as he 'asked' me not to). I was there for presents and lunch.

Communications have been bad this year, and we've recently been to mediation. We agreed that I'd have them Christmas Eve and I did invite him round for lunch (in the spirit of Christmas and wanting kids to be happy etc). He said he wouldn't unless he could come unless he could come at 10 to see them opening their presents and I said yes while secretly hating the idea but the kids will like it. He also said that he would take the kids from 2, a bit early but we were at mediation and trying to agree things .....

We've taken them to a local panto this afternoon (a Christmas tradition) which I booked and in fact he's never paid me back for. While in the queue he asks me what time we're having lunch, I said 1pm. He then said could we eat earlier because he's arranged for us to see mutual friends in the pub at 1.

Since this was said in the queue in front of the kids, they've heard him saying about not seeing this familty, they've heard him arguing with me (me saying we'll discuss this later, not infront of the kids etc). DD2 (4) said very loudly in the panto 'I don't think Mummy and Daddy liek each other very much ). DD1 said 'I knew you couln't be in the same room without arguing'. But she's asked if we can have klunch earlier so she can see these friends.

Now

1. He hasn't arranged this, I think it was just a casual 'we might see you there'. In fact the wonman is a really good friend of mine and I has arranged to pop in after he took the kids, she was clearly unaware of his arrangement.

2. They're there from 1 - 3, I've said that he could go at 2 after we've eaten, but he says he has other plans

3. My friend has 2 of her sisters and their families for Christmas and to be honest probably isn't that keen on us descending on us at the pub

I wonder if he's organised Christmas lunch with his girlfriend and family in the afternoon

Thing is, if we eat at 12 - I'll have to be cooking while they're opening their presents, AIBU to stick to my guns?

YANBU! 12.00 is too early for Christmas lunch, and mediation and two parents trying to get on with each other means he has to make sacrifices too. At the moment it sounds like the compromise is all on your side, and that's not right, or sustainable.

Bloody hell - you're separated, you're cooking his dinner, AND he's trying to call the shots??!! Tell him to sod off. If lunchtime doesn't suit him then he's welcome to go to the pub instead. And next year send the DCs to him on Boxing Day!

YANBU, Hes demanding things like a child does, your cooking so do it for when you want, and upsetting the kids to make a point, he sounds like a catch.

So basically he wants to rush Christmas dinner with the kids so he can bugger off to the pub

Thank you :) I'm sure I'm not BU but I really need to sound off and hear someone tell me that.

I was almost crying during the Panto and I'm livid that he could try and ruin Christmas and in front of the kids too

He's such and a**e and yet according to him I'm the unreasonable one.

I'm vegiie but for him and the kids have got turkey and all the trimmings and he just wants to ruin it.

the hoops people have to jump through to maintain contact with exes are ridiculous. mediation or not, decide what you want and stick to that.

Tell him he can pop to pub whenever but you and girls are eating 1ish and will drop them off to him at the pub.

You are being far too reasonable. You are separated! Food is always late in this house. Things can take a bit longer then you expected to cook

next year separate christmases. if your children are making those sort of comments then they will be on tenterhooks waiting for the next argument or cross word. my dps ex has their son xmas eve and xmas morning till lunchtime then we are having him the rest of xmas day and boxing day. no way would my dp and his ex be having xmas lunch together then seeing mutual friends - their choice! i get that youre trying to maintain contact but i dont get why youre spending so much time together on xmas day - its not necessary.

I agree with JumpingJack - separate your Christmasses next year.