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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want DS to stay at my house for once on Xmas eve for once

27 replies

cantthinkofadadsname · 24/12/2012 19:15

This will be the 3rd Christmas Eve I have not been in the house with DS. He wants to stay in "his bed" in "his house" on Christmas Eve. I've always supported that and not got involved as my ex enjoys doing all the special stuff in the evening and I've never been wanted in the evening.

We do spend Christmas together and share a meal. But it's crap missing out on the evening and the excitement of the wake up in the morning.

I've now got my own house and DS does have his own room. He stays twice a week. But his mum's house is still home.

I do understand why he wants to stay with my ex. Think he's a bit worried about Santa (he's 7). It's still very very hard not being there.

OP posts:
N0tinmylife · 24/12/2012 19:17

No YANBU. That must be hardSad

Emmielu · 24/12/2012 19:17

Maybe you could arrange it so next year he stays with you Christmas eve overnight?

Original poster
cantthinkofadadsname · 24/12/2012 19:19

That would involve my ex agreeing - which would be very hard for her as she tends to get very emotional over such things.

And DS who is adament on his bed.

OP posts:
SoleSource · 24/12/2012 19:19

yanbu but guess you could talk to him about it.

LittleBairn · 24/12/2012 19:21

I can understand why your upset but it does sound like its your DS choice so I would just put up with it. He will soon grow out if it.

Emmielu · 24/12/2012 19:21

Any chance of you staying at your ex's Xmas eve? I know it's not the same as having him at yours but at least you get to see him Xmas morning. It must be hard for you since you want to be involved. Why does your ex get emotional?

Guitargirl · 24/12/2012 19:22

That must be difficult and it's totally understandable that you want to share in Christmas Eve with him, especially as he won't be little for ever.

Don't know the background to your split and this may be totally inappropriate but any way you could spend next Christmas Eve at his house?

SweetSeraphim · 24/12/2012 19:22

Listen, "very emotional" or not, she should be taking turns with this stuff. That's what's fair.

YourHandInMyHand · 24/12/2012 19:24

I can see this from both sides of the fence but you need to think about what is best for your son, rather than for you, and for now he's told you he wants to stay with his mum at home.

I used to go to my dad's on boxing day as a child and looked forward to that just as much as xmas day.

StinkyWicket · 24/12/2012 19:25

YANBU. We've had DSS once for Xmas eve since he was 4. He's 11 now. It should have been our turn this year, but as ex had a baby she wanted them all there. I had a baby October last year but we weren't extended the same courtesy.

Original poster
cantthinkofadadsname · 24/12/2012 19:25

"Why does your ex get emotional?"

She's very PFB about him. Always wants to be there for key events and wants everything to be absolutely perfect. Which is nice.

We split amicably but I think staying at her house Christmas Eve will lead to arguments. She was cleaning at 11.30 last night after coming back from the panto. I'm a bit too relaxed for her.

OP posts:
Whistlingwaves · 24/12/2012 19:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
cantthinkofadadsname · 24/12/2012 19:32

I've been told 11.30 to come round so they can have time to open some presents and get ready.

Actually the conversation went:

"What time are you coming round?"

"What's good for you?"

"10.30?"

"I'd prefer 11.30"

I live 15 mins away as she reminded me last night when she rang to ask me to look at her DVD player.

OP posts:
ByTheWay1 · 24/12/2012 19:37

I know how he feels - due to a combination of circumstances - parents divorce, grandparents not being local, me marrying hubby and moving far enough away from both sets of parents/in-laws to need to travel and stay - this is the first year I am going to wake up in MY bed Christmas morning since I was 6 (now 48!!).... hope I haven't jinxed it now!!

But my one (private) wish every year was to wake up in my own bed on Christmas morning....

Original poster
cantthinkofadadsname · 24/12/2012 19:38

"But my one (private) wish every year was to wake up in my own bed on Christmas morning.... "

I get that. Believe me, I do. That's why he's always had his birthday and Christmas Eve in his bed.

It just makes me a bit sad.

OP posts:
DecAndAnt · 24/12/2012 19:40

You were offered 10.30 but said you prefer 11.30?
Is that right?

Original poster
cantthinkofadadsname · 24/12/2012 19:41

No - I said 10.30 .

She'd prefer 11.30

OP posts:
Emmielu · 24/12/2012 19:42

I can see why she's pfb. But I do think fairness is key. You chose 11:15 but could.have gone there at 10:30. why did you pick the other time?

Emmielu · 24/12/2012 19:43

ooh sorry cross posted!!!

Emmielu · 24/12/2012 19:44

Open presents and get ready for what? If you're not gonna be there till after they've opened presents then why are you going there?

Emmielu · 24/12/2012 19:45

Sorry that sounded really rude. What I mean is wasn't the reason you're going round there to see your ds open his presents?

Original poster
cantthinkofadadsname · 24/12/2012 19:46

Get clothes on.
Clean teeth.

Then we're going to have Christmas dinner. Open up my presents and go for a walk.

OP posts:
Original poster
cantthinkofadadsname · 24/12/2012 19:46

DS will have already opened Santa's presents and his mum's presents.

OP posts:
5dcsandallthelittlesantahats · 24/12/2012 19:51

I would try telling her how much it means to you to be there , either so you can stay overnight or at the very least go really early in the morning (before he opens his presents etc).
It seems a shame to force him away from home if its not really needed and he doesnt want to but at the same time it sounds like you deserve a chance to see these things as well.

Emmielu · 24/12/2012 19:53

Oh I'm following now. Would you like to have been there with your presents earlier so he could open them all at once? I think it might be worth having a little chat with your ex after Xmas about the arrangements. There doesn't seem to be a lot of arguments or negative feelings between you and your ex so as long as you both listen to each other and bare in mind its for ds's sake then as adults you should be able to come to something.